Kaulah Pelukis Hidupku

In the midst of still having flu and back pain...all the medication taken and smells of ointment...makes my brain slow down but makes me more in touch of my heart....

somehow despite lots of dateline,busyness and demands of me...work that is killing my brains...i have time to think...all i need is not rest...is not time...is not strength...But HIS hands...

when our heart grow tired..our heart withers....our heart gone far...some how deep inside we long to have something refreshening....something that can make us feel free....

have to admit there are lot's of fear in this heart...lot's of questions in this mind....?can i ...?could i...?what would i do...?how can i...?what will happen...?how am i...?

the title Kaulah Pelukis HIdupku..was adapt from this song..

Lagu: Kau Penulis Hidupku (sidney mohede)

Kaulah Penulis Hidupku
Kau Membuat S'galanya Baru
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Tak Ada Yang Tak Mungkin Bagi-Mu

Ku Dicipta Untuk-Mu'
Tuk Membawa Harum Nama-Mu
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Kini Kudatang Mencari Wajah-Mu

Mengasihi-Mu S'lalu
Dengan S'genap Hatiku
Mencintai Seluruh Perbuatan-Mu
Mengabdikan Hidupku
Sesuai Rencana-Mu

Ku Mau Menyembah-Mu
Sampai Akhir Hayatku

Kau Memahami Hatiku
Hanya Kau Yang Mengertiku S'lalu
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Kini Ku Datang Mencari Wajah-Mu

i change it to pelukis cos i think this life is so colourful...sometimes it's red hot..and mad..sometimes it's blue and soothing...green that is so free...yellow so alarming....but u can call it wat you want..cos we were made so unique....

we may not understand what our live is all about....

sometimes we don't understand why people do things...sometimes when we needed the most something...needed the most someone...nobody is just there to help....nobody is just there to say everything would be ok...or maybe a simple hi, how are you..?

But always.. :

Sampai Akhir Hayatku
Kau Memahami Hatiku
Hanya Kau Yang Mengertiku S'lalu
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Kini Ku Datang Mencari Wajah-Mu

Kini Ku Datang Mencari Wajah-Mu....

Fudnote: ahhh...it wud be nice if i cud lie down in a hammock at the beach....

Mesteri Nusantara...

Mesteri tapi benar.............

sekarang aku ni menghadapi penyakit misteri...

asal malam aku akan demam dan ada tempreture....pagi aku akan ok tapi hidung akan berlari...masuk ofis aku terus rasa belakang aku sakit,hidung aku berlari 100m dan suhu badan aku makin naik...!! keluar saja opis aku akan lega sikit..! apakah misteri ini?

ada org tuduh aku H1N1...tapi aku dah lama tak makan babi (*menjawab dengan konpiden tinggi...)

ada org tuduh aku denggi...(rumah aku tingkat 11 adakah kemungkinan nyamuk naik lift?)

ada org tuduh aku setereeeeesss...(aku pun tertanya2 diri sendiri adakah aku stress??)

tapi semua ini buat aku takut mau p hospital...sebab aku takut aku di kuarantine kan...dan di cucuk.....aku kan pekerja cemerlang...(anak wayang betul aku ni )

ok lah ubat yang dimakan tadi sudah mo memproseskan diri...aku sudah letih.......lesu......!

jgn dekati aku ya...aku tak mau di tuduh menyebar penyakit misteri aku sama korang...!

Aku Demam...aku Flu...tp wish I was flying...

AAaaaaaaaaaaaCcchhhhhhhooooooooooooooooo.....Sniff...sniff...

ALAMAKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSS.....what happen...!! sapa lah yg bersalah menyebarkan virus flu ni...setahu aku aku lepak with keluarga sendiri dan ada 2 org..!!

Family aku sihat-sihat belaka...!!! Adakah 2 org tu yang bertanggungjawab hehehe..!! mungkin tempat yg kami p tu lah yg menyebabkan kecederaan di bahagian tekak yg dahsyat...!!tp takpe...hilang separuh stress aku..! wkakakak...threesome was awesome geng...bila kita mo p lagi ni??

FLU please go away soon..! aku ada visitor penting ni esok..! have to get well soon..! macam mo ambil off saja ni..!

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updeted:9.30pm

fever getting worst..just makan ubat...harap fever n flu will go away by tomorow......
shud be sleeping....sudah tido kejap tadi terbangun terus susah mo tidor balik.........

doakan aku k...hope this is nothing...back is a little ok now..just a bit sore....tak suka lah perasaan sakit ni....

harap by this weekend i'll be ok...ada duta kecil mo jumpa aku ....

I hate goin to work this time of season...!!

Tiba lah bulan yang paling aku BENCI p kerja...sebab persoalan-persoalan yang aku rasa aku tak perlu menjawab di acu kan kepada aku....antara nya ialah:

1. Puasa tak?
org tu akan jawab sendiri: mesti tak puasa ni...

2.Knp puasa?(jika jawapan 1 ada ya)
org tu akan jawab sendiri ..buat niat tak?apersal puasa?

3.Ko tak puasa kenapa tak makan? - dlm hati masa bukan time puasa pun aku jarang makan!!

haish....tolongggggggggg lah...i was born in Malaysia ok...I respect agama org ...tolongggggggg la......masa aku puasa aku tak bagitau dunia aku puasa...!!buat apa aku puasa pun aku tak bagitau knp!!!...

bukan first time lah aku bersama org puasa..! aku pun peliks..

esok cuti boleh?? bulan ni cuti boleh??

Bumi tetap berputar....

Movie: Grey's Anatomy

Alone in Living Room of my house...

Back still in pain...!

Dunia tetap berputar tanpa tunggu kita rasa selesa....

The best might not be my best

Harap esok lebih ok dari hari-hari seblum ni...!

Esok Hari Ahad...Hari Ahad biasanya apa harus aku buat? Aku sudah lama lupa...! lama tinggal..!

Tuhan kau masih rindu tak aku?Aku masih rindu Kau...

Can't Breath...

I can't breath....

please help me...i am struggling to breath...

please don't ask too much of me right now...i don't even know who i am today...! I just want air....I need oksigen.... and i hate when people corner me at time like this...and make statement yg buat aku rasa bersalah....you guys know me too well that i wouldn't turn down any favour...i am just demn tired of people asking favour from me right now......!! and by the way can i ask a favour please just let me breath and think for a day or two....

I had another M.oM today...while otw back home from work today...I suddenly had a panick attack...I forgot which pedal was the oil pedal of the car!!! my heart seem to stop for a while...!really could feel blood pumping thru the vein of my brains...i was struggling to diffrentiate...the oil and break pedal!!

maybe i am just plain tired and so much on my mind lately...and having a severe back pain that is killing me......so friends please forgive me if i may seem so insensitive...i am just having a hard pace of life lately... i little it confuse too on what i am doing with my life...!!bills are pilling up too..work is all not goin my way too...

sikes..i need a little break from life ....God can you help me???

Phenomenone

with the H1N1 goin about..from the start i kinda spt biasa state of denial saja..apa2 saja yg merunsing kan memang mode denial come to life...tidak mo kisah...tidak mo peduli ...tidak mo ambil tau apa pun...lantak lah..!!

tapi jauh di hati memang berharap no one i know is effected by this phenomenone...despite i was told that one of our RA here is in ICU and is suspected...by the way he just got married recently...hope he'll be fine....

And got to know that a lecturer of ours just found out she has a tumour in her head yesterday...!!She's in the hospital as well...

byk betul news yg kurang menyedapkan hati lah...bila berfikir hati mau menangis...Hati terasa lebam....

mungkin betul lah...dengan tidak mo fikir and tidak mo tau lebih baik...! Not that i don't care but it's just that i cannot take it..! this few days hati terasa sedih saja...tia tau knp..rasa just wanna run away....just wanna stop the clock..!stop the world from turning...!just wanna ask everyone to shutddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!...it's like freezing and listening to the clock ticking....

maybe sebab kurang berkomunikasi dengan dunia luar and just berlawan dengan perasaan diri sendiri beberapa hari ni..and mungkin cos of letih juga...! tired dari segi mental fizikal dan emosi..!sakit belakang yg tak terhingga...!brain just freeze...

p/s sori lah geng..kalau aku buat dunno...kalau aku buat tak interested...i am just lazy...!!lazy to think....kalau sudah letih ini lah jadi nya...!

Having an awful back moment

after goin missing for a few days...i finally can start writing again...! after 5 days of standing the whole day during konvo...the end has come...!

but i am havin a bad back pain....nampak gilers sudah tua..! wah ni pun bukan pakai heels 4 inci..sudah sakit...kudos lah to org yg kerja di supermart....pramugari..!dah siapa2 lagi yg job meraka requires them to stand....

this few days..lot's of thing berlaku dalam hati...maybe it's the tiredness yang buat fikiran hati berfikir macam2...blame it partly on lack of sleep too...lambat tido and awal sudah terpacak at dectar...

i am wishing for my winding down trips...most of the time i am wishing to be on a cliff..(don't get me wrong...bukan mo terjun k)...it's where i can see the sea and the waves breaking...it sure wud be a nice view...and i wud be able to feel the breeze blowing thru my hair...i wudn't ask for more...situasi sederhana begitu cukup utk refresh diri sendiri...!

jom bestfriend ku...when is our next trip together...! (if we could just sit at my balcony and watch the sun set together and talk about almost everything wud just be a dream to good to be true at this moment...)

fudnote: hari ni aku gila...aku p karoks dengan a set of friends who i got to know better this 5 days...kami ponteng utk melihat "the Proposal"(sebak lah kalo watch ni sorang2 tp dgn mereka smua jadi lawaks...)

Zombie day today....

Haiyo can tell you tha i can drop to sleep on the floor instantly today...!!


didn't get much sleep last nite..!! tak tau lah apa jadi..!! mix feelin of tiredness...excitedness...worryness...funless day!!!!!!!!!



the whole weekend i had to work..! cos of the Convo thingy...apart from having to stand the whole day...perasaan pun takut of being in a room with thousands of people whom maybe hundreds are sick with the flu....!!tapi percaya saja lah...!! kan...kan..kan...



so far i have something to look forward too already...! so kerja mesti di teruskan w/pun macam mana!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kaki ku gatal mau berjalan2 tapi poket ku kosong tak mengizin kan...!!

sory this is kind of a wild post which i myself don't know wat i want to say...need sleep badly!!

My heart is missing someone...

Suddenly my heart is missing SOMEONE who is suppose to be near and dear to me....

Missing the days and nites talking,pouring out of heart...

Missing the days when i know someone will be watching over me...and reassuring me...

and give me hope

Missing the feeling of a hand holding mine...and gripping it to tell me it's ok...

the one i share everything with...the tears and laugthers...

the first person i talk to in the morning...and the last person i summerize the whole day to...

the feelin of someone giving me everlasting love.....unconditional love...

Days turn to weeks...weeks turn to months....and months will turn to years...

what have i done,what have i done

what have i lost...what have i lost...

I lost a FRIEND who is suppose to be forever in my heart...

I lost the most precious relationship in the world

Where can i run, where can i hide...

i know i will have to seek...i will have to find myself...

get back on my feet and run the race again...

run till the finish line...

But i am not strong to do it myself...

I need help...

would YOU help me find my back the path i am suppose to go?

Would you help me?

Fudnote: Ketika menulis ini...aku rasa aku kehilangan sesuatu yang sangat berharga dalam kehidupan aku...doakan lah supaya aku temukan kembali cinta yang sejati...supaya perlumbaan hidup ini tidak sia2...tapi damai sejahtera akan ku temukan...

One day...

Aku dengan perasaan gembira..cepat2 jalan sambil membawa beg laptop....

masuk dalam lift...tekan No.11....tekan punya tekan..eh kenapa ni ...tekan lagi tekan lagi...! tidak menyala...! alamakkkkkkk...don't tell me i have to walk up 11 stairs!!....try lagi..tekan lagi tak boleh..!! sekali tgk...

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demnn....

I WAS ON THE 11 FLOORRRRRRR.....jam baru 7.30am...time to go to work actually....ingatkan sudah masa mo balik....


just another M.o.M day again...

(malfunction of memory)


ini kisah benar...baru terjadi pagi ini...oh welll..u can't beat it..just enjoy the day of work then....! Selamat hari batik!! enjoice ur work even if you hate goin to work!!!....MONEY!! MONEY!! HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Situasi biaser...tapi gempar kan dunia...!

i am goin thru some situation.............

Situasi 1 :

My mom ask me why i always seem to wear my same work attire..(cheh baju kurung lah deyyy apa lagi) over n over again

my answer: itu saja yang muat...lain not my size...

Situasi 2:

I needed a new blazer for work...P parkson alamanda..cari punya cari...susah mau dapat...

answer to my problem: terpaksa mencari size 16 atau XXL atau S jenama2 plus size..

Situasi 3:

Everyday from sun rise to sun down..i am always hungry...

answer to my situation: tiap2 pagi nasi lemak...!! and makan2 dan makan..dan makan lagi....

Situasi 4:

I woke up this morning...eyes still half close and step on a square thingy on the floor...and then i SCREAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM.....................

Why??

answer is...:

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AKU DAH GEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKK..!!!!!!!!

aku akui..sudah Ogos dan aku masih lagi gemok..maka bertambah gemok dari dulu..!

Missing My BestFriend...:P

I am missing my bestfriend and is blaming it on H1N1...cos she's been working round the clock disebabkan oleh penyakit ini..!!

So, well all the best and take care ya...! (macam lah dia ni baca blog aku..! seratus hari baru sekali kot...) yg membaca nya tolong kabar kan kepada nya aku rindu lah sama dia...:P

Lagu Rindu

Artist: Kerispatih

Bintang malam katakan (sampaikan) padanya

Aku ingin melukis sinarmu di hatinya

Embun pagi katakan padanya

Biar ku dekap erat waktu dingin membelenggunya

Tahukah engkau wahai langit

Aku ingin bertemu membelai wajahnya

Kan ku pasang hiasan angkasa yang terindah

Hanya untuk dirinya

Lagu rindu ini kuciptakan

Hanya untuk bidadari hatiku tercinta

Walau hanya nada sederhana

Ijinkan ku ungkap segenap rasa dan kerinduan

(lagu ni bukan 100% berkaitan dengan post ini...just nak share lagu pada korang....this song is currently my obsession...search lah kat youtube..best ini lagu..! )

I miss you :MANILA Part 2

These pics..are pics that i discovered just now browsing thru my manila collections..rupanya bybk gambar yang funny...yg i think dalam keadaan yang waras i wud not pasted it....so minta maaf lah kiranya korang tak suka muka2 korang ada dalam ini post....kita2 juga bah yg membaca ini....these pics makes me wish that i cud have an "easy access" to gud friends...tanpa perlu ada alasan yang kuat...just being with gud friends di mana bila together don't need to make lot's of afford just enjoying beingm ourself...tidak perlu jaga macho...jaga ladies...(I am actually having a friendship crisis right now...ada kawan di sekeliling tapi macam perlu put up a barrier juga..!!sebab kadang tidak dapat trust juga those who are near me...how much i want to trust them...but i don't think they all they type of friends that will bail me out if i am in trouble one day..) enuff said lah....w/pun sikit..enjoice.............
m

a pinoy welcoming us..

aksi demi aksi.....

Us girls...

Just doing a girly thing...ada mamat belakang kacau...

no comment....

me n togou tryin out the sony capture smile..!!

Ini no komen again ..

Rasa macam pelakon gengstar cina hehehe....

Casual.....

Nite kedapatan memakan 4 keping pisang goreng tanpa share...

I don't know where your from,what you did... :P

kantoi...!! dosa tau....

Charles nangis sebab tia mo balik malaysia.....

Ni lah ni kerja durang ni siang dan malam :P

I miss you : MANILA....

I want to travel...can somebody help me???

tetiba hari ni aku rindu bangat sama ini tempat...!

tetiba aku rindu jugak tuna pie jolly bee...(ini semua salah ko togou!!!)and
aku rindu sama tu weird thingy yg kita makan dari jolly bee..!! masa di sana cakap yucks tapi sekarang macam best pulak!!!..
Aku rindu makan pancit pagi2...
aku rindu org panggil2 "maam..maam..pili na..pili na.." lacoste..lacoste...
aku rindu sama intramuros dan uncle bullets hole...
aku rindu sama box karaoke yang kita tia pandai pakai...a
ku rindu sama rum emparador...aku rindu buko pie...
aku rindu makan lechion...
aku rindu sama ghor n jerry
aku rindu sama hotel palm entah apa sudah tu...
rindu juga spagetti jollybee...!!
aku rindu asking charles to convert duit peso p ringgit...
aku rindu jadi gila bila nampak handbags and pearls...
dan aku rindu byk-byk..byk lagi..!!

Most of all aku rindu sama kamu orang la....!!!!!!!!!

kamu orang ada rindu saya kah?? (kahkahkah soalan berani mati )atau korang rindu sama tuna pie??


sedar kah gambar ini "kita" (espesially aku lah tu) nampak sangat gemokssssssssssssssss....!!! (hidup aku berubah lepas trip ini..!! aku makin malas bersenam..makin byk makan...dan makin bertambah jisim!!! I HATE YOU GUYS FOR MAKING ME FATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...!! (gurauan aja ya))

travel note:Please guys..can we do another trip together??

p/s like the new theme song??:P

warning: energy level low

aku keletihan..
tenaga hampir di tahap kosong...
weekend ini aku mo tido aja..

please wake me up when monday comes...

Questions...Questions..so little answers

So many questions i ask in my mind...

So little answers i get...

Wondering why,what,when,how,where...???

Even in times of busyness..my brain and heart still wonder...ponder....GOD WHY DID YOU CREAT ME???

1. see me suffer (of course bukan suffering sampai tahap gaban lah)

2.saja menambah populasi Malaysia

3.kerja..kerja..kerja..(tidak kaya pun...kaya hutang ada la)

4.saja melihat kebodohan dan kejahilan org...(ini lah org i tak paham knp wujud di dunia ni)

5.to let me see how unbelievers work..how they walk up the ladder with no problem...(ini sukar utk aku bila aku percaya dan bersandar...bila aku pandang org jauh meninggal aku di atas tangga)

Knp masa org sibuk..org lain boleh cuti...tapi bila org lain sibuk aku tak leh cuti??

tiapalah...kerja mesti ikhlas...baru2 ni ada org cakap..Jane ni selalu kesian kat org...org kesian tak kat Jane ..?(soalan lagi)

takpa lah...huhuhu...friends..(whoever you are)..i love you all...!!i am who i am...and i love to be a helping hand (ini kalau tanya kenapa,i cannot jawap..tanya lah the creator)

*tetiba at this point teringat lagu..."aku burung"...hehehee

Fudnote:I am like a child...everyday i learn something new...i will ask the never ending why question....when i fall i cry...but when i am well i laugh...and most of all i love playing with my friends!!! Friendsssssssssss i need a day out with you all..!!

HURTING EVERYWHERE....

My HEADS throbbing....My back hurts....My Body aching,my throat is sore...Oh no's don't get sick...!! i can't be sick...!! i have a busy month ahead....pleaseeeeeeeee nooooooooooooooo...............!!!!!!!!!





p/s I really missed being with good friends...

A day out with the family...

I know i said i was gonna be busy...tapi hari ni aku lari dari kerja heheh..ponteng lah katakan...then spend a little time berjalan2 bersama keluarga En Kalang sekali lagi..today schedule packed betul lah...dari bangun pagi, keluar breakfast,p floral feast,makan bakuteh di Dengkil,p alamanda (tournament bowling EPU),balik rumah almost 7pm....gilerpenat... wanna highlite the floral feast lah...lots and lots of flowers..but mainly chrisentemum(betul ka spell ni) and orkids...berjenis2 lah...(act.ada juga hibiscus,roses and lain-2) tapi mata aku nampak byk bunga kek wa saja ....sama orkid...jalan2 dengan family susah sikit want to go on photo hunt...so didn't take much...

antara himpunan bunga kek wa...crysentumum....

Orkidtus...

little rascal...tryin to grab nick...

biji-bijian...my dad bought lots and lots...(terasa macam main farmville di facebook plak)

i kinda think both of them has gain weight..mana tidak makan tido saja...:P

oh ya kami ada membeli vanilla plant...tak tau lah macam mana nanti..sj mo try..menanam..nanti lain kali boleh lah aku bagitau rasa vanilla pod hehehe..mana tau boleh menambah perisa di makanan atau booze hehehe...ni mesti gara2 terlampau byk tengok AFC and travellers....

i am glad i took time off to be with the family today...!thank God that HE had His hands on us...we almost had been history this afternoon...ada bloody treller langgar lampu merah and speeding...luckily my bro.sempat break...semua menjerit2 sudah dalam kereta..(confession time:sebenarnya aku tak sedar pun apa berlaku until the i saw the treller passed us...

Fudnote:hari ni aku makan saja..dari pagi sampai petang..terus ada juga baju starbuko aku terkoyak..!! nampak nya aku sudah gemuk...!!aku perlu bersenam lah start dari hari ni..ada org mo kasi teman aku bersenam??

Month Of Busyness- Augustus..

1st August...I am officially in the month that is the peak of busyness of work...

1/8 - Hari Bertemu pelanggan PPS (suppose to leave to KL in an hour time..mengharungi H1N1 dan perhimpunan haram)

2/8 - OT to prepare for ICEEI 09 (biasalah last minit...Jane to the rescue..eh silap last minit semua jane kena buat...)

5-7/8 - ICEEI 09

8/8 - Dr Faezah's Wedding (sanggup kah aku jadi photog depan bos2??)

8-9/8 - After wedding goin to PD ( ni bukan bz tapi ni break..hahah..cuti bersama Family En Kalang...)

15-19/8 - KONVO UKM

22/8 - Org2 sudah start puasa...maka bermula lah soalan2 bodoh yg akan di tujukan kepada saya yg seharusnya berpuasa bersama....

hmm..tak busy pun lepas list down...hmm..harap tidak ada pertambahan lah...HUHUHUUUUUUUUUUUU..sudah August..............TUHAN perlahan sikit2 bah time ni...it's to fast for me to kejar...i can't catch up...

FUTNOTE:so paham lah ah if blog ni tidak di update-2..i wish you all the best for the month of August...KABIGANS! biler nak slimming ni??:P(tahun depan saja lah)