Sunday, January 31, 2010

my last day of the month of January

30 minutes before stepping into the month of February...i decided to end my month with a fruitfull outcome...
i ended with this project of mine...(yeah..yeah..aku tau perkara kicik..tp to me big thing sebagai sorang yg pemalas buat benda2 begini sorang2) terus hasil nya : senyum2 sendiri dan bangga..!!

hehehe..sapa mo cili jeruk sila lah datang rumah...
oh yeah and hari ni aku litterally scrub lantai rumah dan bathroom ....(ini actually hasil dari hibernation di rumah alone selama 2 hari...) best juga lah..! atleast boleh declare i did something usefull...and i watch Something about the Morgans (hugh grant) & My sister's Keeper (Cameron Diaz)
Fudnote: God, i need the time to move slowly so i can catch up....

Recipe of Life


It'll be a new month of the year tomorow...and i have another 28 days in the new month...!


i heard a sermon on tv just now..about the Rev telling them about Life is like a recipe..! a clove of Hope...a pinch of soul...a part of patience....etc
it's a Recipe of Hope....
sometimes life may have a bit of sourness...and a bit of bitterness...but it's still life..and i just got to carry on with it...and to prepare all the ingredients in my life and put it in the oven of my creator Who will present me with a wonderful blessings of yummy ness in life...
p/s gambar tidak kaitan dengan post ini..but i bet you all miss this little guy so much like i do..can't wait to make him annoyed with me again in a weeks time..
Fudnote: brapa lama kah harus aku tunggu utk benda tu masak...dan mendapat hasil nya?

Saturday, January 30, 2010

1 month has gone...going the 2nd..

Phew.. it's gonna be Feb in a day..!darn...why does the clock clicks so so so fast...! i wasn't ready for the new year...and now 1 month of the new year has gone...! i am gonna learn to list down wat i've done for the whole month starting from now..based on my resolution...! k here goes...

1. Cuba utk lebih dekat dengan my Creator...!
- erm i did go to church once this month :D (kalau new year termasuk make it twice then...)

2.Cuba utk lebih spend time dengan family and Friends...
took a long holiday beginning of the year. counted kah? went kuching meet my two beauties and a buddy...had BBQ with long2 friends...!

3.Cuba utk gaya hidup sihat...
-Naik bukit 2 kali this month..yeahhhhhh!! bangga..! oh ya and yeah i start to take the stairs afterwork..!! 11 floor k...( baju n sluar semakin longgar..!!yippeee..)

4.Cuba fikir tentang masa depan yang blur..
ni KIV lah..! sebab tetab kabur...

5.Play more goof more....
ada masa supaya bersastera lebih di FB...blum byk masa utk goof dgn sapa2 sebab blum jumpa sapa2 yg boleh di goof with...


DARN SETBACKS...(jgn ingat smuanya indah)

erm fast fud.tapi when 3 time..itu pun makan popcorn ciken 4 -6 biji,mcFlurry n large fries plus apple pie...and erk...pizza n coke!! adus..k try kurangkan k...cuba kurang k..!

Gangguan di hati..: haiyah..baru januari..lot's d gangguan2 mental yang menyebabkan hati cedera..! it's a fools game..what the heck..! life goes on...tiapa...Ganbatte...perlu lebih gembira..perlu lebih enjoy...!!

perasaan givap...:sudah 2 kali rasa givap betul2..sebab malas mo fikir and kecewas..well..maybe byk jg benda lain mo pikir buat apa mo menambah berat kepada pikiran sendiri..!! (come on jane!! it's not you to givap!!!) maybe kadang2 want oso some short cut in life..!want oso to just sit back and let everything be ok everything sudah kena urus...! demn tapi mungkin tidak..!!

Hmm looks like January has been a so so..baru 30 hari berlepas..! looks like the lever has raise...intensity of the climb sudah mula...!


AKUTIDAK MAU SEMPUT...!! AKU MO CUKUP TENAGA UTK HABIS KAN TAHUN INI DENGAN BERJAYA...!!!


Fudnote:God, do You mean it when You say ask and it will be given to you?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Perasaan Fedap...


Suddenly ada perasaan Fedap sampai mau muntah.... maybe cos there just lot's to think about sampai kepala pun tidak mo terima sudah....

or maybe terlampau byk numbers to think about and data cannot be process...haish i got to start jogging again... to empty my mind...! rumput2 perlu di tebas...semak2 perlu di clear....atau p makan and makan and makan sampai diri sendiri happy...!!
Fedap sampai ada perasaan mo givap...
Fudnite: percaya kah korang post ni di hasilkan dlm tandas? bye gotta flush...:P

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The LOVE that i want to remember...

I want to remember the love that i have known deep in my heart...

the love that was able to make my cry in all circumtanses....in all that what i feel..! may it be the worst day of my life...! or may it be the simplest thing in life that show's me He is with me in all i do in all my path...


I want to remember how it feels to just sit still and feel His presents..Just to close my eyes and know He holds my future...and to just let Him lead me throught the storms...wonders and miracles in life....

I want to remember how it was like to be amaze in little things that He has done in my life...may it the simple air that i breath in ...! to be amaze that i am able to wake up everymorning and to give thanks to Him...

Inspite of this...I have forgotten how it feels...I have forgotten what that love is about...my heart is just broken into pieces by the polluted air that i am breathing in...by the things that people do to me...by the harshness and the selfishness of people around me...that is sucking the life from me...! many time have i try to figure out why they do the things they do without taking one's feeling in accord... I hate this SELFISHness in them..! and oso by my own doing that i choose not to be near Him...that i choose not to remember anymore the feelings...I have really starting to FORGET and remember no more....
Fudnote: regardless of what people say or motivation people give.. it's still a journey i have to face alone to search for Him again...! I so hate Hipocrasy..!!Demn you who ever tell me that it'll be easy to find my way...because you know it yourself that it's not easy...!! :P

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Defying giving up...


Yes..i went up the Hill again...! and this time was to catch the glimpes of sunrise........

after what happened last week nobody wud believe that i will do it again this week...so well this time i did it again...!( sekarang baru ada perasaan :gila eh...)

but sometimes best juga buat something that would make you yourself proud of yourself...Aku berjaya...and berjaya dengan cemerlang sekali!!!!!!!!

i was glad i went...i enjoyed and i learn lots too about life..! God please help me to be selfless most of the time but at the same time help me to take care of myself too...i know You have a great plan for me...! and i am waiting for it to happen...! Reminding myself there's just more to this than this life....i want to have more fun and spend more time with friends...and of course lebih close to family...

nite we had bbq with old friends...had fun and plenty of great fud...and baby asher was so cute..!


Fudnote: sakit kaki wo..letih...but i am glad

Friday, January 22, 2010

Craving morning...

I have this serius craving this morning...actually started last nite...!!

1. Ice cream
2.Chendol + Ice Kacang
3.Cheese cake
4.Durian puff
5.Cream Puff
6.Tom yam sup

and

7. Good friends to lepak to eat these fud

demn..demn...!! i wish these fud can just appear in front of me right now..and this world will be a better place...!!

FUDNOTE: to deny one self to obey the Utmost is a hard thing to do kan?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Demn this world..!

Hari ini hari yang sungguh mencabar utk lalui... (demn why do i sound like a malay story book)


it's one of the day that i just want to laugh sekuat2 hati sampai ternangis2 and nangis2 sampai ketawa2 memperbodohkan diri....
why is this life hard to go about ha?despite having "heart"problem this few days...demn..demn...
tetiba today i received a letter saying there's an offer to do attachment in an educational institute overseas..namely PARIS (cakap pun sudah mo nangis..)ironically closing date for application is on the 25 January.........Bodoh sial bengong...!! today is 21st lah....i have only one and half day to think about it and go buat permohonan for release...and standard procedure and redtape/birokrasi of a gov sect. you all know it will take months of approval....when i only have 2 days...why bother bagikan surat tawaran tu...!! shishhhhhhhhhhhhh....oh well forget about it...
ada perasaan marah,sedih,confuse..hmm..
walau apa pun terjadi berjalan lah tanpa henti...!!
Fudnote: mampu kah aku?jalan tanpa henti...please someone take my heart and campak lah ke laut....!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Hill I went...Hill i failed to conquere...

Haiyo...yesterday i went up a hill ..it was an impromtu plan... and now i wish to come in clean ....the deal of goin up Mount Kinabalu is off..and never to be spoken about again..until they have cable cars going up there...:P... but to come to think of it ..yesterday was a great workout...10 minutes going up the hill i was already looking like a dead dog..:P... didn't take much photo..actually didn't take any hahaha..cos i was already have dead....

to the Hills my friends...let's take our life to the hills...!!!




Fudnote:Boleh kah aku kurus kalau selalu buat aktiviti begini?? thanks guys layan permintaan utk p naik bukit..but i love the aktiviti lepas bukit...!senaman suara...!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Kalau mampu masa di putarkan...

If i had a choice..
kalau masa mampu di putarkan...kalau waktu mampu di tukar....
after all this years...i told someone how i felt...sort of blame that person of my being today... i 've been through lots to be where i am today....and always the question is if? if i had? if i had not? and if things didn't happened...if things were as what i wish for...how would i be today...!

now it made me think that i was wrong to blame that person and it was harsh...i know wat happened to me is for my well being..everything i went throungh is wat makes me strong today...is wat makes me preservere today...

kadang2 susah juga wanna say...

Mungkin kalau diubah, siapa tahu saya mungkin tidak seperti saya sekarang,in where I stand now.

all i ask was to be normal...

Sudah separuh jalan, mana mungkin saya mahu kembali ke tempat garis mula.Siapa sanggup kembali kepada kosong and start over?Some things in life are fated for you.


Fudnote:i want to trust people who trust me. i want to only love people who love me. so that ppl wont let me down anymore. i will try my very best to stay away from ppl with negative vibes all over

I miss someone badly...!!


Missing the early mornings....

Missing the time spending....

Missing the relationship....

Missing the heart touching....

Missing the Miracles....

above all missing the LOVE...

all the troubles that have been through along the way..made my heart grow weary....made my heart grow further away...

oh..teach me to return HOME..where i belong...where i feel the love..."seek and you shall receive"-these are the few words that are really hard to believe now a days....

Fudnote: will there be a day that i would go down on my knees and weep for YOU again..!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Mayonnaise Jar




When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class And had some items in front of him.When the class began, wordlessly,He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jarand proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and pouredthem into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else.He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectivelyfilling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.The golf balls are the important things – family,children, health, Friends, and Favorite passionsThings that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full..

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else –The small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So…

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.Play With your children.Take time to get medical checkups.Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
‘Take care of the golf balls first –The things that really matter.Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled..‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’
Fudnote: this year i wanna spend time with friends & Family...how ever busy i am ...i just wanna make time...maybe just a little chat or just over makan...!! and i want to ignore the small2 things that makes me sad or angry...just enjoy life as it is...

Monday, January 11, 2010

RESoLuTION...2010...


yeah..yeah..i know..i know...but who doesn't make their dream kan...??? actually it's not me to have one lah but this year macam mo buat byk2.ok here goes...(with fingers cross)

1. Cuba utk lebih dekat dengan my Creator...!
2.Cuba utk lebih spend time dengan family and Friends...
3.Cuba utk gaya hidup sihat...
a)Jogging skali skala & Exercise slalu...if it takes just to lift my little finger..
b)try to stay away of junkfood...fast food...and soft drinks...(i said try k...)
c)mo kasi kurus...(shed sikit lah...50kg impposible lah )
4.Cuba fikir tentang masa depan yang blur..
a)maybe really look for things yg boleh buat duit...
b)cuba planning2 expending hidup lah...! (siapa ada calon sila kemukakan hahaha...) (Tuhan ko ada preserve or reserve kah utk me? (hope my purpo wedding will come true)
5.Play more goof more....tahun 2010 aku mo party hard...!! this year aku rasa aku boleh sudah dance...!! and jalan2 byk byk....amik gambar yg paling gila2....!(k mari kabigans..kita buat quest to get the gooffess and stupidess gambar for 2010...

ok ...ok...i am done...boleh bah kan tambah2 along the way...

aku CUBA k...CUBA...!!! (havana di CUBA bah kan ...wakakakak)

First day at work..2010

Place: In my office room of 3 years...
time: 9.30am
Feelin: I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE the feelinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.............




Fudnote: aku cuba menipu otak aku bahawa aku suka kerja aku...dan ternyata aku suka kerja aku utk hari ini...!aircon..kerusi empuk...pc ada internet line..! i think ok jg di banding dgn suruh jln 1 jam in mud...digigit lebah,sandfly dan nyamuk...panas matahari..peluh2...yeah i LOVE MY JOB...for now that is...:P

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Finally Ready to close...


i think it's not too let to close my chapter for 2009...

January :
the only recollection of memory was..i started 2009 with a massive hangover...1 Jan watch muvie with my besty

FEBRUARY:
mulai obses menjadi model instead of being the other end of the lense...

MARCH

Nothing much except that i got Sah jawatan in my job.

APRIL:

Bday Glams...hari yang sama got stranded in the middle of TOL sg Pencala...sampai sekarang pass toll tu dengan hati ketakutan....

MAY:

Rasanya teda gambar yang menarik...cuma masa ni aku buat azam stengah tahun mo kasi slim dan byk bersenam...ternyata itu smua dusta dan angan2

June:

Las Manilas...went to manilas and came back kabigans...hehehe....

dan aku juga punya cinta baru...Geri Viosi....
JULY:
wat's more important then penambahan angel di dunia ini...ASHER MANUEL AGAN was born...!


August:
Had a bad back month...and flu too..so teda benda mo brag...it was a month full of work..work..work

September:

Hari raya month....Month of makan n makan...(sory teda pic..sebab nanti aku akan lapar)

Oktober:
Hit the road...went to kelantan...


NOVEMBER:
Had a simple but syiok...reunion with old friends...

December:
ni pun ada reunion with friends...and went on a miniature holiday...sila rujuk posting december...(i haven't really recovered from travelling in december...)

yeah toooook me this long just to sit down and really think of letting go...how fast time flys kan..macam ZOOM terus habis....
all n all i think i had a good year...dengan melupakan apa yg pahit dan tidak best behind me....(notis smua benda2 best aku tulis hehhehehe) ya..aku mo ingat yang best-best saja dalam hidup ini...yang tidak best buang jauh2 dan anggap itu smua sebagai satu benda yang push me higher in life....
so well i think it's time to close my 2009 with a big thanks to God that held me through....dan berharap i will genggam tangan Dia dengan erat2 sepanjang 2010...!
Cheers to all friends....thanks for being apart of my life and i couldn't ask for more....
Fudnote:walaupun the last chapter of 2009 ada byk death of org close to me...but i know they are in good hands...i will remember them always...



Friday, January 8, 2010

MUNAJAT CINTA...

PLACE:KUCHING
TIME:10.30PM
FEELING numB

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Not ready to close a chapter to start a new one....

First blog for the new year...

I kinda feel nervous for this year...for i don't know what is instore...been travelling a lot this passed weeks...jumpa byk org..people from the passed and people from the present..don't get me wrong....been with good friends....people who were once very2 close to me...met families...met old friends...met my school teachers...met my ex-classmates...
bila jumpa2 org2 ni terus byk juga perasaan di hati...bercampur2...ada lucu ...ada yang gembira...ada yang rasa sedih...kadang2 ada perasaan menyampah... marah...! smua campur...

I need strength for i know not wat is ahead of me...tipu kalau aku cakap aku tak takut apa di depan ...hidup..hidup dengan gembira...mati??sakit??

haish...i know i am in good hands...but i just can't help it...

2009 rasa nya byk lah juga yang buat hati gusar..hati sedih...maybe that's why i am scared of 2010....

really i am scared....


Fudnote:dari apa yang aku tulis hari ni ...boleh rasa byk mo tulis tapi hati bercelaru...!just perlu doa utk kekuatan..

Friday, January 1, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010..


Happy New Year Everyone....

(tiba-2 kinda like this pic of me.....)

have a very sweet new year k...!



kita menuju ke arah tujuan new year ini...!!



walaupun kita tidak tau apa yang akan berlaku sepanjang 2010...I pray everything will go smoothly and semua apa yang berlaku within means kita....!! tidak sabar juga tunggu 2010 ni sebab i bet it will be a wild adventure for everyone....!! well...have a blast k everybody...!! more love,more faith,more strenght....more everything!!! ALL THE BEST untuk kita smua k....!! jgn pernah tinggal kan diri Nya...


fudnote:i hope i will be this excited the whole year...i put my life in my God's hand and He will bring me through everything