Can't pick myself up...

 Kinda feel life is a blur

where everything is just not clear...

it's funny as i read some of my Yahoo,FB and blog status for the past week...was picking up stuffs....slowly had a goal....had some hard task to do but was picking things up as i go...

but suddenly this few days everything just fell....

as i browse thru my collection of pics...i came upon this pic....(abaikan lah pelakon2 sampingan) when everything falls ruin like this...how is it possible for anyone to look for the pieces that fits...(ingat zigsaw puzzle kah????)....

i am in the midst of picking up work....

picking up stuffs,clearing up things...in the midst of doing that...i hear lot's of things said againts me....and everytime i think about it i always think what on earth am i doing this for...why should I...?

 the struggle to tamed poeple at work...for their own good (even if they don't realise it)

 to think that i really had the heart to give up my chances of getting APC to give to some other staff....(what stupidity you might think i have....but as i think that it's better giving to someone who thinks he or her deserved it...kadang2 ada fikir mo blajar utk ada muka tebal)

it's hard when everybody is againts everything...

and my struggle to keep my own life intact!!!

(byk benda yg tidak boleh settle)-

when i wish this year that i would to earn more money for my big family...i really wish i had it now.....

 at times i think that i really cannot go on...!

 but i know everything is well.........there are things that i myself cannot control....

i just hope....

despite the ruins and the blurness...i will soon see....

 See that everything is clear....! and everything is beautiful...

the journey must go on....

biarlah org maki..org ludah...org rejam pun....

this life must go on...

heartnote:it is You that make my life sane every second of my life....it is YOU...

a sad Good Friday

 It's a Good Friday in a different way.....

Everyday in my life i prayed that God will give me time...

time to do all things..

but now i realise it that

everything is in His hands....

we may plan...we may have our own mind...

but 

He has the last say....

This few days had been tiring...lack of sleep can make a mind wonders....

everything was done fast....

and this is wat i know....She is in a better place...

intro of my tepu:she wanted to be buried in style...and always said her grave must be extra-canteks....and guess what...her grave lot was the first lot near the main gate of the Grave yard...God is Awesome...He gives the impossible to us...so tepu..May you rest in peace...and you got what you have always wish for..a resting place that is the best of all...  

Heartnote: to live is for Christ to die is to gain...

this feelin will pass...

i know i said i was fine....

guess i just need a little time to heal...

i am stuck in this feelin...

p/s rasanya mungkin lebih sedih dari putus cinta....

Missing the ME in Me...

been having problems at work that it eating me slowly inside...

kinda drop my shield for a little while on friday...

was thinking whether i did wrong to judge hopeless people...and they deserved credit for being courages to show me i suck at being a leader..

a boss...

i smell the rebelling nerve in them on friday...the talk around that went straight to the heart...

i am still thinking of another game plan...and realise that being a leader is a lonely job...

i realise that i have to shield my heart no matter what...

and remind myself i need this job to pay everything i own and to have fun travelling...

must set the feeling..a little girl always ask me when i go visit...:" yoyo' ada mainan ini, kamu ada??"yoyo' ada buku ini, kamu ada?? yoyo' pandai buat donat kamu pandai??"

so i will get to work on monday bearing in my mind....Saya ada degree, kamu ada??? Saya ada bilik sendiri,kamu ada???saya bos kamu..kamu apa??? :P

(i know it's bad but i really think that i've been good for a long time and all has gone to vain)

this morning as i was cleaning the house...i realise that my plant..(the one i gave up hope on)...

when i bought it it was well..until slowly2 one by one the leave whitered....and i gave up on it..

but this morning i realise that there was a sign of LIFE....



I miss my Niko...

i miss being able to take pics that would make me myself cry

I miss being the person that won't be hurt by a simple word ...

i miss being the person that will do things just to make people feel good...

of all I MISS being ME

fudnote: i know that i will never know what YOU instore for me..and why i am walking alone in the desert...but i know YOU are GREAT!

p/s i just did the most stupidos thing...i browse my staffs FB rupanya aku di gelar kafir lagnat...hmmp..it's kinda sad..but God how angry i am with that statement...ajar lah aku mengampuni mereka sebab mereka tidak tau apa mereka buat...please give me strength everyday at work..!guide me..

It's A NEW DAWN....

World Let's say Happy Birthday to DAWN!!

i am suddently speechless...

but anyway..

Hope life treats you kind

people around you love you just the way you are...

and

when you feelin down

NEVER SAY NEVER....!

(photoes taken are from a pre birthday last week...cake was a genius...!)

Thanks for being a friend...a good one indeed...a bikin meradang one sometimes...:P

LETS AUSSIE THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!

Wishing you the best in life.

one thing that i know is...
I don't know what is instore for you...and i will never know..

But only HE knows...

Scattered

For so long have i been feeling so so "scatered"...

with the meaning of being in so many emotion...

angry,happy sometimes....

lazy...hardworking sometimes...

up..down..

mostly being bottered by work where i am trying hard not to break down and trying hard to be strong and trying to berlagak like a leader...!

one thing i realise that is..if you want to be a leader..don't get your emotion get into the way...how hard decision might be...just do it even if you don't like

it's a lonely path...and i kinda hate it...(with all the back stabing and the scud missle at me)

but i am glad at the end of everything when i get home or go out with friends...i forget all that and get into "me mode"...!where i will be myself...!

now there is a crazy feelin inside me of what is next...!

but i realise that all i can do is i hope and pray..and surrender...

truely i miss..the cookings...the baking...the joking...(mau cakap jogging tapi kurang lah :P)

i miss being me...

FUDNOTE: i when to watch Justin Beiber...(yes i did) there was a funny feelin while watching it..somehow i get to know how it feels...and why we just have to hope and believe in HIM....

i bow my head and pray....

at times when things are just not going my way...

even though how much time i spend to make things right...

how much energy i use to keep up with time....

and most of the time

i end up feeling that i have fail myself....

and in the end

i am stuck again with a blasting headache,a pounding heart...and a sweating body...!

so today i bow down and really hope that YOU take control and help me...

ajar ku bertenang dalam segala hal....

p/s ini lah jadi bila tempat kerja di audit.....!!

Parasitomol...

Sometimes it's just tired being around people that stuck on you like blood suckers...

some may say it's all about giving trust....

but i am feelin it is drainning the energy n time out of you...

Hate it...!