Can't pick myself up...

 Kinda feel life is a blur

where everything is just not clear...

it's funny as i read some of my Yahoo,FB and blog status for the past week...was picking up stuffs....slowly had a goal....had some hard task to do but was picking things up as i go...

but suddenly this few days everything just fell....

as i browse thru my collection of pics...i came upon this pic....(abaikan lah pelakon2 sampingan) when everything falls ruin like this...how is it possible for anyone to look for the pieces that fits...(ingat zigsaw puzzle kah????)....

i am in the midst of picking up work....

picking up stuffs,clearing up things...in the midst of doing that...i hear lot's of things said againts me....and everytime i think about it i always think what on earth am i doing this for...why should I...?

 the struggle to tamed poeple at work...for their own good (even if they don't realise it)

 to think that i really had the heart to give up my chances of getting APC to give to some other staff....(what stupidity you might think i have....but as i think that it's better giving to someone who thinks he or her deserved it...kadang2 ada fikir mo blajar utk ada muka tebal)

it's hard when everybody is againts everything...

and my struggle to keep my own life intact!!!

(byk benda yg tidak boleh settle)-

when i wish this year that i would to earn more money for my big family...i really wish i had it now.....

 at times i think that i really cannot go on...!

 but i know everything is well.........there are things that i myself cannot control....

i just hope....

despite the ruins and the blurness...i will soon see....

 See that everything is clear....! and everything is beautiful...

the journey must go on....

biarlah org maki..org ludah...org rejam pun....

this life must go on...

heartnote:it is You that make my life sane every second of my life....it is YOU...

Jatuh cinta sama SANG-PEMIMPI

Mau pelukkkkk.....ciummmmmmmmmm  that someone...!!!!!!!! kasi cair hati saja..........!!!!!!!!!!

Biar lah hari ini aku jatuh cinta sama Sang-Pemimpi....hari ni saja..=P w/pun hanya untuk sementara saja....

futnote: Kenapa ada benda yg boleh bikin hati kita cair...? walaupun benda simple...
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Got to tell you all that my laptop came to life suddently after 2 months....really resurection like...! so well i am back in pics business again...! Miracles does exists....

maklumat tambahan: ada benda yg kita mengharapkan berlaku...tapi tidak pernah terpikir kalau dia terjadi....!Jadi Bermimpi lah maka Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpi mu......

When the heart is not to follow...

the heart is tempting to fly away and have it's way.....

oh please....please be strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so hating UDARAASIA right now....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can i just fly away??Can i??

Futnote:bagi yang berada di bumi berdekatan dengan gwe silalah buat aktiviti utk mengisi masa lapang pada minggu cuti merdeka k...kalau tidak gwe akan sangat kecewa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mood of my week...

It's friday again....and damn the days do fly fast...without even realising it's already FRIDAY...i am half heartedly liking friday today...part of me want to just jump up and scream YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! part of me just sulking my head in my pillow thinking that..no not again and soon it'll be monday again...(such a loser kan???)

reason of being so demotivated this week :

1.Monday blues (as usual need i explain???) to make things worst ...my laptop's screen konked out....(ada org sudi sponser repair??) smua gambar2 smua koleksi and my CS3 in there...that explain why all my pics not watermark and editing sudah...! sad..sad..sad

2.Tuesday Diarrhea that made me not well in the head too...i seem to make some one upset i feel lousy until today cos that someone is goin through a critical time...(deeply truly madly sorry)

3.Wednesday sucks. cos someone said something that strike my heart..(but anyway tidak mo jadi seperti kanak2 yang terus tidak mau kawan...tapi well jika kawan tidak perlu kan pertolongan kita...kita better undur diri lah....sebab smua sudah dewasa ada otak dan pikiran sendiri....n memang dia tidak anggap kita kawan apa boleh buat...life must go on babe...let's ride again (words to self ok ...)

4.Thursday: It feels like being in a display or being in a zoo where the part is full of glass compartments...this is how it feels like in my office right now...(arahan bos blinds smua dibuang...) so please don't knock on the glass so that the animals don't get aggitated...(i am so damn annoyed)

Friday...friday...friday....you are here again...i am hoping for a great weekend so i can rejuvenate and get ready for my wild zoo ride on monday to friday next week....

fudnotty : I hurt my heart and i bruise my feelings...oh well bumi tetap berpusing..! jane go go go...

p/s by the way gambar2 tidak ada kaitan dengan post...sila nikmati dengan sungguh2 :P (see i am still me...jokes tetap hidup dalam me)

I want a Heart of stone..!

it feels like sitting on a cliff just looking at the world...the wild world around me...waiting just waiting for the next strike of any beast out there...feels everyday i have to try to survive...try to not care what rumours and whining of people around me....

God...
I need You

God
I need strength

God
I need preserverence

God
I am about to give up....

I really...really hate this place...i hate the people that comes with it...i hate the culture...and the hatred is getting to me..!

futnote: Tuhan kirim kan lah aku hati batu supaya aku boleh bertahan...!

Hati harus kebal...

I just have to be extra strong...I just have to put on my superhero mode....!

Tiap2 pagi bangun dengan perasaan aduh..macam mana mo survive ni...!! tapi tiap2 pagi ada a voice whispering "you just have to be strong"...!! I can do this kan??yes i can...!! (pada hal dalam hati meronta2 tidak tahan sudah...)

k i finally did isi SPA k...! dulu tak hairan pun...macam malas mo tukar kerja...! tapi sekarang rasa macam mo cuba sudah lah....(kamon guys..doakan gwe k)..i am finally sick and tired of being push around...byk bagi kerja...lagi ada hati mo cakap aku takda kerja..! damn lah...! tapi tak pa lah aku sahut cabaran (mo muntah bila fikir kata2 ni)...

yang paling disgusting ada lah...since smua reshuffling...ada lah staffs start lah panggil2 me BOSS..... durang ni shallow betul kan..!! come on lah...3 tahun k sudah kerja dgn durang...!! hari ni panggil aku boss...! wipe my ass lah..!come on kasi a bit dignity kepada diri sendiri lah....!! i hairan juga ada org suka di ampu...wat do you get out of it ah??? how come ada org so low kasta ah???(serius i tell you..dari start kerja sama skrg paling tidak suka ampu2 org) patut lah aku tak naik2 pangkat dari dulu kan..!! tidak apa lah...i only wanna please 1 person and that will be my God...

i really2 need strength ni sekarang utk live my days...rasa macam impossible betul...takut juga bila pikir mo tukar kerja...! tp malas sudah dengan mindset shallow hall ni....smua positive..i wanna tukar angin lah..!! harap by the end of the year...ada sudah something...! so kengkawan kasi doa lah aku k...! i need it...i need strength...aku rasa kalau teda...lama sudah aku terjun dari tingkat 11 ni...!( tp kalo mati..tidak dpt lah aku berjalan2 sama kabigans aku)

hari-2 aku kerja dengan pikiran positif...hari hari aku p kerja dgn senyuman di muka (tp pahit dan sakit di hati)...fuh i so wish i had somebody to lepak hari2...ketawa2 sambil nangis2....

HATI SILA LAH KEBAL KAN DIRI....

fudnote :aku bukan lah superman, aku juga bisa nangis...

Note to self..!

I can do it... I can do this... yes i can...i can...!!!! and i WILL...!!

i can't really believe it i am goin up the mountain...and i can't wait to see the result...! no trainning..! and with a heavy heart... but i wanna do this ..yes..i wanna...!

nota berani mati: harap aku kurus lepas trip ini..! kurus..seksi kurus...:P

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

I'm leaving on a jet plane...to the place where i belong..........

everytime when it's time to pack my bags and leave i have mix feelins...why eh? maybe cos i know everything will end...and coming back to this place means days of suffering to get back in track...haish....i dun like this place no more....!!

this time it's diffrent..i'll be goin away and be back to a new year...!

looking forward for next year very much sebab travelling plans...but not so looking forward to face the new year...time flys so fast that i think i am static in my life...

kinda look forward to fly back to bario too..cos it's a heaven for photoshoot...i will try to get back to nature...away from the hustle bustle of this place.....maybe it's' time to detox my mind,heart and soul...

futnote: hati tetiba rindu someone...

Kaulah Pelukis Hidupku

In the midst of still having flu and back pain...all the medication taken and smells of ointment...makes my brain slow down but makes me more in touch of my heart....

somehow despite lots of dateline,busyness and demands of me...work that is killing my brains...i have time to think...all i need is not rest...is not time...is not strength...But HIS hands...

when our heart grow tired..our heart withers....our heart gone far...some how deep inside we long to have something refreshening....something that can make us feel free....

have to admit there are lot's of fear in this heart...lot's of questions in this mind....?can i ...?could i...?what would i do...?how can i...?what will happen...?how am i...?

the title Kaulah Pelukis HIdupku..was adapt from this song..

Lagu: Kau Penulis Hidupku (sidney mohede)

Kaulah Penulis Hidupku
Kau Membuat S'galanya Baru
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Tak Ada Yang Tak Mungkin Bagi-Mu

Ku Dicipta Untuk-Mu'
Tuk Membawa Harum Nama-Mu
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Kini Kudatang Mencari Wajah-Mu

Mengasihi-Mu S'lalu
Dengan S'genap Hatiku
Mencintai Seluruh Perbuatan-Mu
Mengabdikan Hidupku
Sesuai Rencana-Mu

Ku Mau Menyembah-Mu
Sampai Akhir Hayatku

Kau Memahami Hatiku
Hanya Kau Yang Mengertiku S'lalu
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Kini Ku Datang Mencari Wajah-Mu

i change it to pelukis cos i think this life is so colourful...sometimes it's red hot..and mad..sometimes it's blue and soothing...green that is so free...yellow so alarming....but u can call it wat you want..cos we were made so unique....

we may not understand what our live is all about....

sometimes we don't understand why people do things...sometimes when we needed the most something...needed the most someone...nobody is just there to help....nobody is just there to say everything would be ok...or maybe a simple hi, how are you..?

But always.. :

Sampai Akhir Hayatku
Kau Memahami Hatiku
Hanya Kau Yang Mengertiku S'lalu
Engkau Di Dalamku
Dan Ku ada Dalam-Mu
Kini Ku Datang Mencari Wajah-Mu

Kini Ku Datang Mencari Wajah-Mu....

Fudnote: ahhh...it wud be nice if i cud lie down in a hammock at the beach....

Berikan Ku Hati Sperti Hati Mu...

BERIKANKU HATI S'PERI HATIMU

HATI YANG MENGASIHI, JIWA YANG TERHILANG

BERIKANKU MATA S'PERTI MATAMU

MEMANDANG JIWA YANG DALAM G'LAP

KU MAU BERADA DALAM RENCANANYA

DAN MELAKUKAN PERBUATANNYA YANG BESAR

MEMULIHKAN HATI YANG TERLUKA

MENJADI RUMAH BAGI MEREKA YANG LELAH

MEMBAGI HIDUP DAN MILIK KITA BERSAMA

JADIKAN HATIKU SEPERTI HATIMU,

Fudnote:Dimanakah ku dapat lari...Di manakah ku dapat cari kedamaian..Bawa ku ke rumput hijau...dimana dapat ku baring dan rasakan kedamaian..!!~

I need a place tp refresh myself!!