When the huge GAP digust me...

Call me emotional...call me unrealistic...but i know it's reality and that's why i am disgusted by the real gap that exist in the world we are living now...growing up in a home that i always wondered why other kids could have posh toys but not us...? but without realising that i was living a fortunate life compared to others....until now i can't help to complain for why i was not born with a golden spoon in my mouth. After this reason trip...i realise that i am one of a lucky ones...and i should be more apreciative of this life....i don't know why but i gotta admit much to the fun we were having during the whole holiday there were more of distress being in a country that had a huge gap...life must go on...one thing that "slice" my heart the most was this qoute "Di Indonesia apa-apa bisa dijadikan duit,dan kalau ada duit smua bisa lakukan."

i'm not turning itu a snobbish person...but after this trip i gotta admit i hate getting mud or wetting my feet while i walk on a rainy day with people constantly asking me to buy stuffs and offering umbrella rental...

and please forgive me if i felt disgusted with a under 15 year old kid who was showing off his newly bought TISSOT wrist watch to a friend.

nota hati: knp harus duit jadi ukuran?tp who can admit in this era without money we can be happy?

Latest Craze...

Oh nos!! quick everyone tell me that this is good for me...after the trip this few days i have been goin crazy with this thing...!been eating none stop and for everyday...this is the thingy...

it's call "keropok tempe keju"..cheese tempe chips (betul kah translation ni?)suppose to buy this for my staffs but then buruk siku open it and started devouring it...(anyway they all won't apreciate it anyway)--bukan alasan semata2 k...

actualy this "keropok" tasted yewwy when you first taste it but then after a few times you'll love it.

hmm during the whole trip i think i ate the most tempe in the whole of my life...almost every meal was fill with tempe....ape ni? mo jadi org jawa yer???

so well?tell me it's good for me...

ni model tempe....!unprocess tempe.before it was fried.

note to self: please start exercising and losing weight...!!

Holiday Away...

fuh...still suffering from "jet leg".blum lagi sembuh dari kepenatan menjadi pelancong...tapi gotta admit rindu lah sama suasana di negara org and apalagi bila jalan2 sama kawan2.

we planned this trip about more then half a year ago...wa cakap lu..susah betul mo plan2 trip utk ramai org..! bisa jadi gila..mungkin next post nanti boleh cerita tentang how to plan a trip...

this time kami p dengan dua org ahli baru..diana and juvi eh jangan lupa Buffy...(sesungguhnya buffy telah lulus dengan cemerlang trip ni...siap semua trade dia sudah belajar..adoi...)

line up liburan kami :

1.Dawn: spt biasa

2.Piet : ni abang...pandai sudah temberang tp muka straight face

3.Me:aku dengan gila2 aku sendiri

4.Fread:ko sememang nya tetap hensom bila aku shoot...puskesmas ya ingat tu..

5.Togou:cik bendahari yg mesti dapat chop dia dulu baru boleh order

6.Popongs: sentiasa alert sama camera gwe hehe..pandai sudah ko bergaya model

7.Juvi: monyet makan setandan pisang...NYONYA!!!

8.Diana:pengikut setia saja dia ni

9.Buffy:ko memang cemerlang..!!lain kali kita naik kuda ya..!

k seperti biasa jalan2 ni kami punya agenda semesti nya paling penting makan...! byk juga food kami makan...i gotta admit ni lah paling byk makan tempe dalam hidup ini...tempeeeeeeee saja... bermacam2 tempe lagi tu...food was let's say great if you're a rice lover...and i so like kicap manis ABC sama cili....fuh..siap tambah2 nasi byk2...but itu ayam bikin muak lah after a few days...ayam kurus kering wakaakkaka...

kami berjaya cover jakarta,bandung...(in between ledeng,bogor,tia ingat sudah lain) cuma ingat ada yang sering tertidor dalam bas..asal masuk bas terus menguap..lepas tu memang tido..akan bangun bila keluar bas saja..!

(masi malas menulis) so overall the trip was fun...lot's of new things new food...new friends...apa yang belajar...just gotta give it a try and people chances...and please2 when you go somewhere with foreign exchange...get your numbers correct....damn the zeros....

fudnote:kini hati membara menjadi tourist guide and tour planner...(w/pun tau bukan senang)

Tetiba panikk!.

mana tidak panik kalau tetiba 1 day before terbang terima sms begini dari guide:

please bring swim wear... and bring dvd or cd....

terus i panik ....panik bukan apa..! wah i am not ready for this.....apasal tiba2 mo berenang pulak...! haish ..knp si Den tidak cakap awal how can i get ready my big fat tummy....hahaha....kalau cakap awal memang dari dulu aku sudah buat sit up kasi fit and kasi six packs...!! isk isk isk...mana mo sorok lapisan2 perut ni...! takkan mo pakai gurdle berenang ha???

sama baru mo cari dvd2 karoks...aduyai...mana mo cari last minit ni..!!

Do i sound like a panicky tourist??? hahahaha...it just hit my mind that in 2 days we are leaving on a jet plane (tiba2 nyanyi pulak)....haiyo after waiting more then 7 months for this holiday...OMYGODDDDDDDDDD...it's finally here!!!!!!!!!

togou please bring ur river maya...(let's feelin2 together otw) and i'll bring my sister's keeper... let's all cry together (bodohs..time2 holiday mo nangis2 over a sad story pulak kan..???) tapi best lah kalau nangis2 boleh peluk2 bestfrens...jgn lupa bawa byk tisu ah...!

aku sperti cik togs wanna go dating with an indo guy....(togs...let's sneak out one night and party...) apa barang mo tido...let's have sleepless night over the sea....

harap aku terjumpa glen fredly...ahmad dhani kah...takpa lah yang pasti memang jumpa Den Adjie sama William santoso :P

Fudnote:adakah jejaka di indo lebih hensem dan suweet dari jejaka Malaysia..??

Hoping For spring in my heart...!

Tickets: printed
passport: check...
Money: Not yet baru mo calculate apa yg ada ( hopefully will do it on friday)
skirt: baru mau cuci
beg:it's somewhere in my room
guide:sms him esok
Friends: Are you ready to ride??

been so caught up with the stupid report and reallocation of my office furnitures that i had no time to think about the trip....part of me want to be excited ...but part of me is holding all the excitement back ..i am damn broke...and i won't like the feelin of me coming back to work after the trip....i just hate to leave a yucky place to have lot'sof fun with my besties to end up to have to come back to it again...!! God please...please have something instore for me when i come back...!! PLEASE...!!!!!!

OMAIGODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.....3 more days to go...!!


fudnote:Jane please don't enjoy too much that you will suffer after the trip...!

Bila hati rasa confuse...

I don't know what to feel..i should be excited and should be jumping for joy...But i kinda have a mix mode feelin...my brains trying to be sane....trying to live one step at the time...

This morning i walk in my office (dengan environment bilik yg baru..yeah togs..i think i need plants lah...). i really come into conclusion that even though i hate my job and the people around me.. i really think i must take things one step at the time...i know a wind of change is about to blow my way...but i know that the One above has His plans...i don't know what and looks like i will have a hard time adjusting too...but i will try to just live with it...

it's another 3 days to trip...and suppose to be a ultimate trip...but i haven't gotten into the mood yet...cos i was hit by this stupid report that was suppose to be due yesterday..and was stuck bz with it the whole day...!! apasal lah org2 bijak pandai ni..bila last minit tidak dapat buat...kami lah jadi mangsa...damn..i didn't like it.. but what to do..!!!

fudnote: I am feelin nervouse...and i am damn broke ada sepa2 yg mo kasi derma sya duit???

Anusha Joy Jasmine

Isn't she beautiful....isn't she wonderfull....

this little chic will break lot's of guys heart...

Can't explain the feelin when i see them 3 together...and after knowing what Lus and Anba went through...I just felt that God really have blessed them with a precious gem...funny when you just automatic "lantik" urself as a aunty...just happy to be part of this family...she's just gorgeous...and marvelous....

p/s this pics were take under hot sun...it was almost noon....bad of aunty2 yang obses dengan camera...it was really2 hot...and i was sweating buckets....

FUDNOTE: hmm terus rasa best ada baby...but can i just have for 2 hours a day :P

Mood of my week...

It's friday again....and damn the days do fly fast...without even realising it's already FRIDAY...i am half heartedly liking friday today...part of me want to just jump up and scream YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! part of me just sulking my head in my pillow thinking that..no not again and soon it'll be monday again...(such a loser kan???)

reason of being so demotivated this week :

1.Monday blues (as usual need i explain???) to make things worst ...my laptop's screen konked out....(ada org sudi sponser repair??) smua gambar2 smua koleksi and my CS3 in there...that explain why all my pics not watermark and editing sudah...! sad..sad..sad

2.Tuesday Diarrhea that made me not well in the head too...i seem to make some one upset i feel lousy until today cos that someone is goin through a critical time...(deeply truly madly sorry)

3.Wednesday sucks. cos someone said something that strike my heart..(but anyway tidak mo jadi seperti kanak2 yang terus tidak mau kawan...tapi well jika kawan tidak perlu kan pertolongan kita...kita better undur diri lah....sebab smua sudah dewasa ada otak dan pikiran sendiri....n memang dia tidak anggap kita kawan apa boleh buat...life must go on babe...let's ride again (words to self ok ...)

4.Thursday: It feels like being in a display or being in a zoo where the part is full of glass compartments...this is how it feels like in my office right now...(arahan bos blinds smua dibuang...) so please don't knock on the glass so that the animals don't get aggitated...(i am so damn annoyed)

Friday...friday...friday....you are here again...i am hoping for a great weekend so i can rejuvenate and get ready for my wild zoo ride on monday to friday next week....

fudnotty : I hurt my heart and i bruise my feelings...oh well bumi tetap berpusing..! jane go go go...

p/s by the way gambar2 tidak ada kaitan dengan post...sila nikmati dengan sungguh2 :P (see i am still me...jokes tetap hidup dalam me)

and Yes i won't understand....

when a friend say "you don't know how i feel ...!!" somehow automatically it hits a button in my heart....yeah i might not understand or i might know how you feel in side....cos nobody will know what we feel inside ...

even though people might not know what it really feels but some people have been down that road and some people are still walking the same street...

sometimes it feels sad...and i wonder why i even care...or even bother...but anyway i hope that friend of mine will get over things and realise that along the way... you might lost some people who just wanna be a simple friend...

i learn myself that this life is a lonely journey if we chose to walk alone...

i am very blessed with good friends that stick with me through the dumbness time of my life...the stupidess decision i might make...and the craziest time in my life...i thank everyone of you...i can't express myself sometimes..but i know you'll understand...cos you say nothing at all and just join me...!! muahhhhhhhhh...i love u guys...

fudnote:aku bakal hilang kawan bergosip...but i know i'll be fine...

DUsh..DUsh..!!

Haishhhhhhhhhhh...baru mula mo ok...!! i have to open my dumb anger mode....!!!

now i feel so yucky inside....!! need to apologise big time..(but i did tapi teda respon) darn !!!
aduiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... rasa macam mau gali lubang terus tanam kepala bodoh ini dalam lubang...!!

Fudnote: knp ada feelin macam ni ah..??

I want a Heart of stone..!

it feels like sitting on a cliff just looking at the world...the wild world around me...waiting just waiting for the next strike of any beast out there...feels everyday i have to try to survive...try to not care what rumours and whining of people around me....

God...
I need You

God
I need strength

God
I need preserverence

God
I am about to give up....

I really...really hate this place...i hate the people that comes with it...i hate the culture...and the hatred is getting to me..!

futnote: Tuhan kirim kan lah aku hati batu supaya aku boleh bertahan...!

Hati harus kebal...

I just have to be extra strong...I just have to put on my superhero mode....!

Tiap2 pagi bangun dengan perasaan aduh..macam mana mo survive ni...!! tapi tiap2 pagi ada a voice whispering "you just have to be strong"...!! I can do this kan??yes i can...!! (pada hal dalam hati meronta2 tidak tahan sudah...)

k i finally did isi SPA k...! dulu tak hairan pun...macam malas mo tukar kerja...! tapi sekarang rasa macam mo cuba sudah lah....(kamon guys..doakan gwe k)..i am finally sick and tired of being push around...byk bagi kerja...lagi ada hati mo cakap aku takda kerja..! damn lah...! tapi tak pa lah aku sahut cabaran (mo muntah bila fikir kata2 ni)...

yang paling disgusting ada lah...since smua reshuffling...ada lah staffs start lah panggil2 me BOSS..... durang ni shallow betul kan..!! come on lah...3 tahun k sudah kerja dgn durang...!! hari ni panggil aku boss...! wipe my ass lah..!come on kasi a bit dignity kepada diri sendiri lah....!! i hairan juga ada org suka di ampu...wat do you get out of it ah??? how come ada org so low kasta ah???(serius i tell you..dari start kerja sama skrg paling tidak suka ampu2 org) patut lah aku tak naik2 pangkat dari dulu kan..!! tidak apa lah...i only wanna please 1 person and that will be my God...

i really2 need strength ni sekarang utk live my days...rasa macam impossible betul...takut juga bila pikir mo tukar kerja...! tp malas sudah dengan mindset shallow hall ni....smua positive..i wanna tukar angin lah..!! harap by the end of the year...ada sudah something...! so kengkawan kasi doa lah aku k...! i need it...i need strength...aku rasa kalau teda...lama sudah aku terjun dari tingkat 11 ni...!( tp kalo mati..tidak dpt lah aku berjalan2 sama kabigans aku)

hari-2 aku kerja dengan pikiran positif...hari hari aku p kerja dgn senyuman di muka (tp pahit dan sakit di hati)...fuh i so wish i had somebody to lepak hari2...ketawa2 sambil nangis2....

HATI SILA LAH KEBAL KAN DIRI....

fudnote :aku bukan lah superman, aku juga bisa nangis...

Kurang semangat...! AKU HEBAT!!!

there's a feelin of wanting to cry lingering in my heart....it's a painfull feelin..! tapi i know i just have to get on with life as it is...I can do all things with God with me kan? (sure Tuhan masih sayang?)

i just got a memo that bertambah beban kerja...! byk gila2..sampai staffs pun tanya boleh ker bos? (sejak tau durang under me baru ada hati panggil bos..cilaka punya staffs)..
sekarang aku ni macam gila kuasa smua aku kena buat...damn damn damn
dulu satu bahagian sekarang ni macam 3 bahagian..!! shishhhhhhhhsssssss...!..aku ingat naik gunung susah...rupanya turun dari gunung ada lagi benda yang susah...!! %$^@#@#~!?!!!!

pegawai satu tu jaga satu benda and benda itu senang...!! (apa lagi aku mo cakap!!!???)

mo nangis pun ada...mo berlagak hebat pun ada....!smua perasan pun ada...mo bunuh diri pun ada..mo buat tidak kisah pun ada...!! Tuhan jaidkan lah aku superheroin...!! jadi kan lah aku hebat sehebat nya...!! tapi apart from that...aku pun bisa rasa sedih dan mo menangis....!!

(as i am writing this my eyes are swelling with tears...)

tapi apa juga kan nothing is impossible...!biar lah byk2 bagi kan ...aku kasi biar saja lah kan ..! let's be positive..! let's be a winner..! (cheh ketara betul berpura2) biar lah ..! aku mo berlagak ..berlagak aku ok..!!

lepas ni aku pun teda kawan sudah di ofis..so looks like i am all alone sudah ni...! biar lah ..! hidup ini perlu di teruskan walau bagaimana pun kan...! p mampus lah org2 sini ..!!!ambil kesempatan lah byk2...tiapalah...! korang kumpul2 lah kebahagiaan sekarang...!! biar lah biarlah...!! aku mo p back packing..!! lantak koranglah..! i'm gona have fun...(w/pun teda duit..aku blasah saja)
kalo apa2 jadi kat aku harap aku jadi hantu kacau2 durang masa durang tido...(i know i know ni bodoh..!! tapi salah kah aku marah)

ok sudah lah ...byk cakap byk dosa...!!aku tau aku hebat..itu lah korang pilih aku buat byk kerja..!! AKU HEBAT..!!!

fudnote:CILAKA org2 ni...biar lah sekarang aku tanggung berat..mati nanti korang tanggung lebih berat...!!