Please tell me what to do?

i wish i was on the mountains now and looking at this...
i so want to cry right now...and i don't know what this feelin is...? maybe like what kukuanga said ...maybe we're just under a spell...damn this black magic..!!!mengacau jiwa dan hati...kejap hati berdebar2...sekejap hati rapuh...!!

SangPemimpi utk 2 hari seems to much for me....sekarang aku udah head over heels...and i know itu salah..!!

(gila sudah sampai download ebook...lepas ni pulak the next book....)
Heartsfelt: I am missing a part of my heart right now...

Out of breath...

i am feelin like this mansion...just struggling to live in this world which is just catching up so fast....sometimes it really feels like gasping for breath....everything i do seems to just backfires....having problems at work (endless problems i know i know...) having problems with bills..bills...having problems with soul...!!! aduhaiiiii...tolonggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!

takpa lah weekend ini mengejar gambar2 .....


fudnote: aku tak suka ini kerja jadi bos ni....first week at it sudah ada org complain kewibawaan gwe....shaits....nyeh...

Sleeping pill wanted please...

I 've been having trouble sleeping this few days...since last friday actually...just can't get myself to go to sleep...i'll fall asleep for 10 minutes at around 11pm then be awake until 5 plus...then fall asleep only to wake up at 6.30am ready to go to work...dang...

but ironically i don't feel tired at all during the day..so maybe it's not alarming...!jgn tiba2 jatuh tertido sudah...:D

maybe i need to start on the exercise regime that i have plan for days..:D months...years :P...


Futnote: 32" was a bad idea..but i think i can do it...:P

When the huge GAP digust me...

Call me emotional...call me unrealistic...but i know it's reality and that's why i am disgusted by the real gap that exist in the world we are living now...growing up in a home that i always wondered why other kids could have posh toys but not us...? but without realising that i was living a fortunate life compared to others....until now i can't help to complain for why i was not born with a golden spoon in my mouth. After this reason trip...i realise that i am one of a lucky ones...and i should be more apreciative of this life....i don't know why but i gotta admit much to the fun we were having during the whole holiday there were more of distress being in a country that had a huge gap...life must go on...one thing that "slice" my heart the most was this qoute "Di Indonesia apa-apa bisa dijadikan duit,dan kalau ada duit smua bisa lakukan."

i'm not turning itu a snobbish person...but after this trip i gotta admit i hate getting mud or wetting my feet while i walk on a rainy day with people constantly asking me to buy stuffs and offering umbrella rental...

and please forgive me if i felt disgusted with a under 15 year old kid who was showing off his newly bought TISSOT wrist watch to a friend.

nota hati: knp harus duit jadi ukuran?tp who can admit in this era without money we can be happy?

and Yes i won't understand....

when a friend say "you don't know how i feel ...!!" somehow automatically it hits a button in my heart....yeah i might not understand or i might know how you feel in side....cos nobody will know what we feel inside ...

even though people might not know what it really feels but some people have been down that road and some people are still walking the same street...

sometimes it feels sad...and i wonder why i even care...or even bother...but anyway i hope that friend of mine will get over things and realise that along the way... you might lost some people who just wanna be a simple friend...

i learn myself that this life is a lonely journey if we chose to walk alone...

i am very blessed with good friends that stick with me through the dumbness time of my life...the stupidess decision i might make...and the craziest time in my life...i thank everyone of you...i can't express myself sometimes..but i know you'll understand...cos you say nothing at all and just join me...!! muahhhhhhhhh...i love u guys...

fudnote:aku bakal hilang kawan bergosip...but i know i'll be fine...

Kurang semangat...! AKU HEBAT!!!

there's a feelin of wanting to cry lingering in my heart....it's a painfull feelin..! tapi i know i just have to get on with life as it is...I can do all things with God with me kan? (sure Tuhan masih sayang?)

i just got a memo that bertambah beban kerja...! byk gila2..sampai staffs pun tanya boleh ker bos? (sejak tau durang under me baru ada hati panggil bos..cilaka punya staffs)..
sekarang aku ni macam gila kuasa smua aku kena buat...damn damn damn
dulu satu bahagian sekarang ni macam 3 bahagian..!! shishhhhhhhhsssssss...!..aku ingat naik gunung susah...rupanya turun dari gunung ada lagi benda yang susah...!! %$^@#@#~!?!!!!

pegawai satu tu jaga satu benda and benda itu senang...!! (apa lagi aku mo cakap!!!???)

mo nangis pun ada...mo berlagak hebat pun ada....!smua perasan pun ada...mo bunuh diri pun ada..mo buat tidak kisah pun ada...!! Tuhan jaidkan lah aku superheroin...!! jadi kan lah aku hebat sehebat nya...!! tapi apart from that...aku pun bisa rasa sedih dan mo menangis....!!

(as i am writing this my eyes are swelling with tears...)

tapi apa juga kan nothing is impossible...!biar lah byk2 bagi kan ...aku kasi biar saja lah kan ..! let's be positive..! let's be a winner..! (cheh ketara betul berpura2) biar lah ..! aku mo berlagak ..berlagak aku ok..!!

lepas ni aku pun teda kawan sudah di ofis..so looks like i am all alone sudah ni...! biar lah ..! hidup ini perlu di teruskan walau bagaimana pun kan...! p mampus lah org2 sini ..!!!ambil kesempatan lah byk2...tiapalah...! korang kumpul2 lah kebahagiaan sekarang...!! biar lah biarlah...!! aku mo p back packing..!! lantak koranglah..! i'm gona have fun...(w/pun teda duit..aku blasah saja)
kalo apa2 jadi kat aku harap aku jadi hantu kacau2 durang masa durang tido...(i know i know ni bodoh..!! tapi salah kah aku marah)

ok sudah lah ...byk cakap byk dosa...!!aku tau aku hebat..itu lah korang pilih aku buat byk kerja..!! AKU HEBAT..!!!

fudnote:CILAKA org2 ni...biar lah sekarang aku tanggung berat..mati nanti korang tanggung lebih berat...!!

self obsession...

my good friend drop by for a wonderful weekend....we spend it gluttoniusely and classy too....kan? kan? i love the idea of being pampered when i ate at Basil Leaf...!! rasa betul2 macam princess..!! (note to other friends: lain kali kita p ah...but please dress a little bit better rather then in tshirts and jeans hehehehe)
i think we covered almost every food category...dari yg healthy ke tidak healthy hehhe
but all i can say is we know how to enjoy ourself...!! cita2 mo jadi food kritiks hehehe...!!
oh ya we did a little jalan2 too...!! i love jalaning with a fellow camera holder :P...terus aku pun byk gambar...!! hehehe...i think i didn't really take tapi di ambil hehehehe...
we went to the muzium negara to take my personal potraiture (nampak macam kan hehehe) sp enjoice the gambars...!! biasa lah tidak suka yg formal2 k...so bare in mind of the goofyness and the buat diri sendiri bodoh depan khalayak org...!!

we are greatfull to be alive...:P

Tuhan kirim kan lah aku...kekasih yang baik hatiiii.....

serius cantek itu gambar...

Cute kan?? :P

I'm freeeeeeeee....

cuba sit up...

Trying to look cute....

ok lah ...mana mungkin potraiture tidak buat muka skema kan..!! mesti lah ada juga yang muka sopan...!

This pic i like so so so much!! Cuba teka kenapa ?:P

k lah semua gambar2 yang telah di paparkan adalah hasil daripada kawan aku yg dibawah ini...sory ya aku mencuri smua gambar...!!

eh sory nampak kepala ko yang hampir botak pulak...!!...kihkihkihkih..ok ok..ini bah itu org.....

thanks togs kerana bisa memaparkan kecantekkan gwe yang sebenar...ada lagi gambars nya tapi tidak sanggup ku tunjuk lagi...!! thanks ya...!! i hate you for making me FAT...!! hehehe...kepala masih terbayang2 3 biji telur hari tu di vietnam place...!!

PHOTONOTE: best kalau jalan sama org yang berkamera..!! hehehe

Note to self..!

I can do it... I can do this... yes i can...i can...!!!! and i WILL...!!

i can't really believe it i am goin up the mountain...and i can't wait to see the result...! no trainning..! and with a heavy heart... but i wanna do this ..yes..i wanna...!

nota berani mati: harap aku kurus lepas trip ini..! kurus..seksi kurus...:P

Happy Reddish day....!

So..it's Chinese New Year and Valentine at the same time...!

today was a day well spend...i had fun being close family...smlm terasa macam budak2 balik...main mercun like last time...!! hahaha...really miss being a kid...and ada juga adegan kena marah atas cobaan mencuri makanan dari while waiting for dinner...!

man..i missed being in this small town...

ini antara aktiviti memuja hari kekasih...!! :P

factnote: agaknya valentine tahun depan apa aku buat ah?

Excited and scared at the same time...!!

i have to admit this...i am really excited to go where i am going...but at the same time really scared!!....

this is one thing that i said i would never do...and this is one thing that i am force to do...!!

And now i know why gatal sangat mo climb hills this few weeks...rupanya suruh prepare utk mountain..!!this is THE CLIMB

Factnote: Tuhan, apa ko mo aku belajar ni hah???perlu ka smua ini??perlu kah?? wish me all the best ya...i am really not ready for this

My heart is missing someone...

Suddenly my heart is missing SOMEONE who is suppose to be near and dear to me....

Missing the days and nites talking,pouring out of heart...

Missing the days when i know someone will be watching over me...and reassuring me...

and give me hope

Missing the feeling of a hand holding mine...and gripping it to tell me it's ok...

the one i share everything with...the tears and laugthers...

the first person i talk to in the morning...and the last person i summerize the whole day to...

the feelin of someone giving me everlasting love.....unconditional love...

Days turn to weeks...weeks turn to months....and months will turn to years...

what have i done,what have i done

what have i lost...what have i lost...

I lost a FRIEND who is suppose to be forever in my heart...

I lost the most precious relationship in the world

Where can i run, where can i hide...

i know i will have to seek...i will have to find myself...

get back on my feet and run the race again...

run till the finish line...

But i am not strong to do it myself...

I need help...

would YOU help me find my back the path i am suppose to go?

Would you help me?

Fudnote: Ketika menulis ini...aku rasa aku kehilangan sesuatu yang sangat berharga dalam kehidupan aku...doakan lah supaya aku temukan kembali cinta yang sejati...supaya perlumbaan hidup ini tidak sia2...tapi damai sejahtera akan ku temukan...