the closure

this was the sky when the sun set for the last time of 2011....
the feelin inside me are bitter,sweat,sour and salty at the same time...

as i look back at the days of the year 2011 i can't really say i had a bad year cos i had worst...
i spend the last day of the year watching biographies of people that i thought had a good life and can have anything they wanted in life cos they had the money....but all i can say is the grass is always greener the other side...!
i won't imagine that if i had a choice that i would pick to be myself....but i know that there might be people who wants to be me (*ini sungguh menghairankan jika ada)

as i learned this few days it;s up to urself to what you feel...if you choose the path that will make urself sad...then you're going through a rollercoaster of hell...so i am learning step by step to learn to live a grounded life....that is....even though if life is hard...no matter how...by crawling...limping..or even by rolling...you just got to carry on with it...cos time is still on ur side...can't be wishing that you are given more time when you are on your death bed....what ever it is ...learning to go step by step...and living day by day as it is....


there are lots of things that i wanted for last year that i couldn't get it fullfilled until today...it's actually a sad thing....and to see others that are able to have them make life sucks...but then again to see people close to you being able to have some advancement in their life...i should be happy for them...yeah...i am happy and proud of them...as we walk this earth...we are not alone..so nevermind if you could'nt accomplish some things in life...but it's the same when watching people closes to you succeed...

i feel bad of making a new resolution for the new year...as the last one haven't been fullfilled...so i might just bring them forward...

and i might add this:

1.Being grounded...!(i don't really understand this myself) but i want to be grounded in what i do...and in discisions i make....and i know this will require lots of prayers...(*ini saya akui saya tahu selama ni tapi decide to just ignore!!)
2.revising financial abilities...!! ( have to get myself an advisor)

aaaahh..to think about it...i learned lots about myself this 2011...the many abilities that i have...the many disabilities that constrained me too...and as i walk everyday of the year...i met lot's of people that have said less of my presents...and i too met a handfull of people that praises my abilities in doing certain things...this i thank them so much cos it means lots.cos that is what keeps me going everyday....*jadi-next year i will try to appreciate people more....say it with words...cos i think it will give them strength to carry on...


ok well..this is to end the year...! cheers to all...!love you all...~lets live our lives as it is...cos i know there is a GREATER power that plan the road ahead...wishing everybody a new year...and a good year ahead...lets step in the new year with hope !! a new hope...a new faith...and please love yourself more...! Take care...!!!
~HUGS...!

Decision Making

Life is hard when it comes to decision making...

i am about to make a leap of disaster lifetime...

finally had the guts to do it....

kasi doa gwe kawan2...

heartnote:as i decide i really don't know if it's God's will...but i pray that He will lead...

witchcraft crap...

what will you do if someone told you that one of you subordinates practices witchcraft???

and yes....it's me again...and when i was told that i just brush off like it was a fly....!but on my way home from work today...it bordered me...when 1+1 becomes 2....nyeh...i don't know whether the news is true or it's just another gossip of the day thingy...but it made me angry and sad at the same time....i was told too that that someone is spreading gossip about me...hmm...what the heck???i have nothing againts that person...and i have no idea what she has againts me...and i want to believe that watever i have been told are false....



heartnote: today is a sad day....am confuse of this world...!help me God...

love.faith.hope

i have been wearing these around my neck for 2 months...and is believing that there is still love.faith and hope....

this was bought in australia together with a good friend...we made a promise to get fit...and to lost some weight...and this was the reminder for us...the deal that we made...it started actually with a bet...but i rather think it was a good start...the reward was if either one that couldn't shed the weight that we had decided we will be given a flight ticket to a destination...

back to the 3 rings.., everytime i walk or move,it will have a "clinging" sound...and it's sort of a reminder for my that i should take care of my body..and i have to control what ever intake my body takes... when i am doin my exercise/work out it clings too...and it reminds me to work hard...to push myself...
(its seem to be a cool thing to have)..i was pushing myself to fight for the reward...but finally i realise that i love my routine now...and felt better about  myself...

starting to love myself and then have faith in what i believe and then hoping for the best in life....

i am not saying that this becomes an idol of my life..but it becomes a reminder for me... it reminds me to carry on what i do...and never give up...

unless we learn to love ourself more we tend to realize that we can love others more...i use to think more of people and less of myself...and i know now that it's not always right...it's like the reminder when you are on an airplane...the airhostess will tell you to put on the oxigen mask on urself first before u put it on others...as i realise that at times i forget how to breath and how to help myself as i am too busy helping others to breath and to survive...and as these 3 things reminded me today..is to be love...have faith & hope...


p/s:been thinking...and rajin writing...maybe because have been having plenty of ME time by myself...memang dahsyat kalau you don't have a hp...you are not in this world..but i seem to like it...terus hidup ini aman tanpa deringan hehehe....(but it's not totally a good thing) hehe..


heartnote: let's love..and be love...and have faith..and have hope too...!! ganbatte !! just do it!

looking at 2011 resolutions....

as i search for my resolutions for the year 2011
i realize that i stated a really short resolution sampai rasa life ini so simple :P.... i stated only 6 here!
http://jenkays.blogspot.com/2011/01/looking-backwards-to-go-forward.html
people ask me what are my resolution for 2011... I answer:

1. Earn more money....(can't be greedy to say i want to be rich)
2.Enjoy life more- smile more..laugh more...
3.Live healthy...- kurang kan makan...dari 3 ketul ayam menjadi 2 ketul...gymming more
4.Get a new gadget - Samsung Pad..-maybe this way i'll read more...
5.Get myself a guy...- (semacam senang mo p shelter and get a puppy kan?)mungkin perlu mula doa dan puasa sudah...(togou- itu aunty memberi inspirasi...4 kali...takkan aku 1 kali pun tia dapat ah???)
6. Get my holiday home done for real this year...!! ( kabigans,bah mari kita p mudslidding di kampung gwe)
last and most important...



verdicts....


1. Still not rich...actually December 2011 seems to be the hardest financial month for me..!but i come to realize that money you can fine...you just have to wait at the end of the month and ur employer will deposit your pay..!- during these hard times that i realize that what ever happens give back to the Creator first ...not because of wanting to be blessed...but because it's a must...


2.enjoying as life is...and loving myself more-by thinking more of myself rather then always of peoples well being first... ( need to brush up on this next year)


3.Live healthy- is trying hard to reach a perfect BMI....i still have less then 20 days to do this...remarkably manage to shed 7 kg...and is wanting to shed another 5kg before the year ends....!


4.gadget opso...(korean meanging none)-still working on it...instead having my hp ruin...trying hard to live gadgetless...wait wait...but i got my GUMI!! GPS- who is my loverboy accompanying me everywhere in my car now...!


5. hmm...-guess just have to trust in Him...i rather think i found someone that i had fun with...and at times surprises me often...but that someone is in the don't or shall i say never touch zone...!:P


6. Still in the making..project has stalled because of some circumstances....(maybe we should make a trip to my kampung in july next year!! for the pesta...!harap masa tu smua kurus dan berstamina!!!...


looking back....


despite the current situations....i rather think 2011 was NOT TOO BAD!! even though when i go through my posts for the whole of 2011...i was asking God to be kind to me...despite facing hard times for almost the whole year.....but i thank Him that i am still sane at this moment! and maybe there seems tat there are many times i could have just stop believing in Him...but i chose to just carry on until i reach the next curb or corner...


i am happy that i did these:


1. i brought my parents for our first overseas adventure....Cambodia and Vietnam
2.i traveled with my great friends to  Vietnam,Cambodia(Phonm Penh & Siem reap) went on a grueling 12 hours bus trip  and took a awesome road trip 4 parts of Australia( life changing trip)-
3.i got transfered to a new place after 4 years...
4. i gain a family member- EVA...tambah someone to dot on...to kiss and hug....


i get very annoyed when someone ask me about my plans next year...i would just say please let me breath for a while...because i am simply drowning now....because i suddenly realize that i have grown up..suddenly i need to get up and handle stuffs like a grown up...i can't just walk away anymore....


*another pictureless post and another long long post... don't get me wrong it's a reminder for myself....and when i read it i will laugh hard next time!


heartnote: hopefully the Great God will be willing to let me have a smoother road in the year ahead...because i need to really admit to Him that i am tired already...and really sick and tired of things that are just not going well.....give me time to lick my wounds and let me rise up victoriously...this heart is finally admiting that i am not strong...and i need His help in everything... 

Family photos!

it's really hard to take ur own family photos....especially when you have a 6 years old that doesn't want to cooperate...and with the grown ups fuming when the kids are screaming....indeed the studio photographers earn what they yield...no wonder it cost so much to take a studio shot....so guys it's really worth what you pay people in the studio!!!

i really counldn't find any perfect shots....but anyway...let it be lah...!

this are the uneditted versions...simply lazy to edit

i know i said i was thinking of things what i want to thank God for...these are the people that i thank God for everyday....thanking Him for good health...!and asking for plenty more years of togetherness time....

THANK YOU GOD...this are the little reminders that You remind me that You are awesome just the way You are....!

p/s...i realize i can finally see my neck in these pics....wakaaakakka...

striking out....

Dec is almost ending...that means the year is ending....phew how fast the time flies...and i just realize that the year is almost over...

i started the month of Dec with a tumble...and is still on tumbling streak..first i accidently drop my hp and it doesn't work anymore...and my room door automatically shut and the lock had to be pryed open...damage to the lock that have to be replaced....and a day or two later because of making things easier for people i got my car clamp at my apartment ground...the worst was to pay to open the clamp was my last RM50 note...i don't know what went wrong that i burned a big hole in my pocket this month that i just didn't have enough...with the expenditure up...striking out again..with the family down with bad diarhea...and was out almost the whole week....even though i treat it as blessing in disguise to make me even slimmer...

today after everyone has left....and i am alone in my humble home...a place which is my own...i was trying to watch tv..only to realize that the remote has konk on me too...and i sat silently and asking God...what else is gonna get wrong again?..and as i ask myself what have i done to deserved all this streak of "badluck"....and i was trying my best to give thanks of the blessings that He has given me through out the year...and there was one point that i wanted to just to say...i give thanks that He has given me nothing of the sort of blessings that i wanted...but instead He has given me things that had taught me that life is almost never perfect....never a day without trouble...never a day perfectly done...and never a plan well planned...a little boy said recently today is the perfect day..or a good day to do this..and this...without him knowing that deep in my heart i suck at doing what i do...without him knowing the trouble of doing things when your too tired...but you do it anyways just because...

i want to be like a child...believing what i hear without thinking deeply...trusting in something just because...letting someone hold my hand and trusting 100% He will guide...and to be simple in pleasing...simple in having joy in little things....naive and innocent and believing that everything will be awesome...

at times i wonder why i believe what i believe...and when your on a brink of just giving up...but you stils choose to put your utmost trust...WHat choice do you have?you have no choice at all...

there are times i just really wanted to just don't believe anymore..or even don't want to know anyone at all...but how can i say..that God didn't bless me at all.....just wishing things were diffrent, were as we wanted...but it's not...so make do...so i will just make do with what i have to end this year....

that;s why i have decided...i have decided to celebrate this Christmas alone...to close this year and start the new Year alone...because..i just want to have things my way...the way i want to ...without having answer to anyone...and i am starting a prayer n fast thingy..hoping that next year will be better than the rest of the years...cos i am starting to get tired of this life...this thing that people are dependent on you when you are just lost as you are...

i hope you guys will pray for me...


p/s i am still on my diet scheme too...for the last time i just wanna make something work in my life...!before i make a new resolution for next year...i want to reach the target before i end this year...
life is hard...and it has never been easier...but no one promise that life was easy....and i won't want to be someone else...but be myself...and enjoy the life that has been planned ahead for me...

Putting my utmost trust in Him

things are just not right in everything i do...in every situation i am going through...

but i will just have just put my utmost trust in Him..

because i just don't know what to do...!

I will just have to trust You....

a little update...

it has been quite sometimes since i updated my blog...seems like ages but it's been a week....have been staying low and down for the pass week....(guess some are wondering why i don't answer my phone.....it's just one of the times that you just want to be in silence...)

latest update....i am officially 4.8kg lighter....(targeted 5kg and it's very disappointing to be 200g shy)... but i think after a week i have reach the wall and i seems to can't shed anymore...but anyway....still going on my exercise regime...and enduring pain and laziness...i don't see any big changes that i wish to see...but atleast i  would like to try to end the year....i remember my wish list of this year was to shed some kg...so before the year ends i will try...(semangats) i have another 8kg to shed before the 31 Dec....!! wish me the best!!

all i can tell you about dieting and toning body are
1. Suffering...
2.Suffering
3.and suffering
4...it's hard to live without the luxury of being able to eat whatever you want and whenever too!

but i learn that if you are determine you should be able to do things....

i am also taking time off to reflect on life too..on the path that i have chosen or being choose for me...

i really thank God for the internet too...! wat a marvelous thing..was chatting with my bestest friend at 1am last nite and i think it had been a longgggggg time since we had a deep conversation about faith....(thanks me glamus!) and how simple and complicated God is at the same time...from a weird hobby like spending time watching movies until searching for details of that certain person...that lead to a certain person that God had use to touch many other peoples life..isn't that awesome....(i get it if you don't understand me...)

maybe some who knows me very well will say oh no..here she goes again..but this time i am stuck and i have no where to go ...and i have decided to give it another go..a go for faith and hope...!

so Friends lets be WORTH it..! lets be WORTH living in this world! lets be worth loving too...by starting to love yourself....!

heartnote: Believe and let HIM

It's just not another ordinary day...

today is the 13 of Nov...
and today is a special day for me...(i seldom say it's a special day..) but this year i'll make it special...
i use to think that my life is such a flop being stuck in a place that i don't even like...and being away from the family and the friends!...everytime i think about it it makes me sad....(especially at a hormonal imbalance stage of the month)...i think i will always feel like this for the rest of my life until God does something...:P..
but anyway i need to give thanks too...as i grow older...and hopefully wiser...i am very blessed to know and walk in some people's life....and am blessed to have people walk into my life too..indeed every person have taught me lots...be it in a positive matter or other wise...and i realise that it made me stronger every step of my life....yes there were many times in life that i feel down and let down...but am still learning to get up by myself and keep on walking...as i think of today..sometimes i have doubts of my existence in this world...what am i doing here for?am i wasting my life?what good am i..?is my life pathetic!!?

i really wish that every step of my life i would be a blessing in peoples life....that every person that i meet i would be a able to atleast touch their life in my actions....as tat is what i always want in my own life..that people bless me...or touch my heart in anything they do...be it a simple gesture like a simple sms,a simple phone call...a simple meal..or be it having "lepaking" time together..

but as i grow older i realise that life is not always what we want it to be...in a split second you can be feeling sad or bursting with laughter....(got to admit it has been a long long while since i had a good laugh)...i missed the times of having able to have friends for meals...i missed the times of having able just to call up someone and say let's go somewhere....but as time flies..i realise that it's all about self initiatives....have to work hard by yourself...and keep on blessing people...even if your not up to it and is tired...you just have to carry on and as it goes along...blessing people is a real joy of a lifetime....!


my aunty wrote something about the day i was born http://annkschin.blogspot.com/2008/11/when-child-is-born.html and i am really blessed to be in my "weird" and loving family....

this is me with my late grandmother....

my memory of her is that she cooks very good food....and when she was around the house would smell of good food everytime....she made us icecream when it was hot in the afternoon....cakes..everything....sweets....the one thing was...she looked after us...but she didn't know how to speak in English...and i only speak English...but yet...we still could get along...

till this day many people who knew her spoke well of her...spoke of her kindness....spoke of her great skills in cooking...and never ending great effort to share with people her kind hearted....!

when it is time for me to leave....i want people to talk of me like that....i remembered when i use to be "good" the only motto i had in life was 

live the life as it was your last and live it to the fullest so when you die people would have lots of good memories of you...!

i kinda miss that feeling in life...relentlessly showing kindness and effortless joy....!

GOD..my wish is that You give me strength in everything i do..and give me time to show love to people i care and love so much...!

Thanks for the countless of blessings in my life....

HEartnote:there's just lots of things in this heart that i longer for...but i know everything is in God's hands....

This Funny Feelin...

Can i get drunk for my Birthday this year.....??:P

Happy day!

wohooo...i like today because i feel lighter today...:P..

yippeyyeayyyyyyyyy!!! yahoooooooooooo...!

i really miss being able to eat wat i want!!!!




fudnote:  FOOD is my greatest LOVER!!! without FOOD i feel my life is empty!!

HOW THE HECK!

please someone tell me!!!

How in the heck did i get that thin!!!!!!!!!!

update yesterday:1 Nov 2011

11 flight of stairs

20 minutes trampoline (short of 10minutes)

5kg weights (10minutes)

110 mini sit ups

10 bench press 

10 squats ( i thought it was easy but damn almost died when reach no 5)

food intake:

1 shot of meliliea (mcm tequila shots pulak)

2 slices of thin crust pizza -(makanan free..org belanja tia bagus menolakkan)

2 spoon of tauge with fish cake

4 biji langsat!!

guess i need to push myself further..

woke up 5 this morning and started to do 100 mini sit ups...

5kg weights (10 minuntes)

i am not crazy but i just wanna do this before i come to age :P!

heartnote:sometimes when you are out to find the true you, you realize that there so many imperfection in life that you hide just to make people happy until you neglect your own self.-Learning to love myself!

want to be obsess and not OBESE

i just wanna be obsess with my new found love....!! myself!! :P
and in order to show love for myself i am gonna give myself a reward!!! (if i cannot do this i will never want to try again!)

routine!!
11 storey steps
30 minutes of trampoline
5kg weight lift 10 minutes
20 mini push up
100 mini sit ups morning 100 mini sit ups evening

and i am depriving myself from the luxury of eating!!! trying to stick with less then 1000cal intake everyday...if possible 500cal only...

wohoooo...!! call me crazy but i think i just want to do something before the year end..!! (and also win a bet!!! :P)

heartnote: sweats will replace tears..

CRAZY weekend....

at the start i was like telling myself i am crazy to do these things....!but till the end i felt damn good! even "maybe" it doesn't effects things much but i kinda feel good inside! and now i know it takes hard hard work...

confuse?

yeah me too...! :P

i had this crazy weekend and obsess on being too obese!! "get it?"..LOL...i started working out since saturday early morning and decided to challenge myself to dedicate the whole weekend to exercise...!! started with 30minutes of tampoline...(i got tips form the internet 10 minutes warming up 10 minutes cardio 10 minutes weights)..then it went on for 1 hour..! and i started the every 2 hours i will exercise!and i started liquid diet too...with every hour eating 2 teaspoon of yogurt!..(surprisingly i survived)

i am starting a arm toning project!! and is starting on weight exercise!!(it sting so bad now that i have problem typing!!..

after doing this at the end of the day i weight myself!!i lost 1.5kg wakakaka!!(maybe of water lah )

have a nice monday peeps!!!!!!!!!! 

heartnote:if you want something so badly you just have to work hard to get it

Taking up mandarin...

finally admitting that i am gonna take up a language...Mandarin waakkaka... been crazy the whole month with   a Taiwanese movie   Down with love...!

after watching this i am certain that it would be fun to take up mandarin....plus i can speak to the aunty next door...*sekarang tetiba rajin pulak tegur2 dia boleh praktis2 macam mandarin wakakaka...

i am thinking of enrolling for mandarin class that the faculty is holding an hour for twice a week during lunch time...and the classes is just the next block from my office...!! yippeyeay!!!...

something crazy in life that one just have to do...!!

in this month i have been watching 3 dramas already...! crazies...! (but it's kinda like mengisi masa lapang kinda thing)

and suddenly after watching these movies i kinda "rajin" doing my exercise while watching.i am planning to start a 90 days toning exercise too..!! hopefully it works....  but kinda sore all over after it..doing one day then taking the rest of the week off hahaha..bad bad bad routine!!

starting to skip meals and control my diet too..!! (knp selalu nya hujung tahun baru rajin ah????)

heartnote: there are things in life that we want to accomplish but have to let it go because of circumstances...but it's still ok to just dream about it..

How i react when things go wrong!

a few days ago...i almost "burn" my house down...and i have been bothered by what i did ever since...
i left the kettle on the stove and i went out!!... but thank God the brother came back early from work and was greated to a empty kettle on the stove...

damage...?? only the kettle... there is a hole at the bottom of the kettle now....but most of all i think i was shaken up!!..i really felt bad..what if there was no one home until late at nite...wat could have happen!!!??

my spontaneouse reaction to this was!!!!

the next day after work i quickly went to buy a electric kettle...!! then today i ordered RO water for the dispenser...! which i think i have not ordered almost a year ago...!


IT"S FREAKINGGGGGG OUT to have a feeling that you almost burn down the house..!! *maybe i'm just paranoid but hmm better safe then to be sorry later...!

Officially A blood Donor.!

i am actually proud to be call a blood donor!!...

was really scared an sceptic about donating blood....but after almost chicken out...i manage to give 350ml of blood...:P

thinking of signing up for organ donation too...!

the big bad wolf!

i have never seen so so so much books in my life....i almost died of allergicness to so so many books...! i could see the enthusiasm of people with their obsession in books! 

but it was great looking at so many malaysians are reading!...i am trying to understand the obsession of buying books to read...! but with the cheap prices that they were offering yesterday i think i too will be lure in to buying some books to read...!



this is wat the crazy book reader of the group bought..!!

yikes...! so so so many...and it was worth it....she might want to go again today...and maybe we should bring along the stroller so that we won't have to carry all the books....she was literaly skipping her way to the hall yesterday like a kid being promise a present..! LOL...

i should go buy the recipe books tonite..!

read and be wise!!!

Moving on...

these few days has been like a trip to the cliff for me...and it still seems to be right now...been feeling a bit down and out!!...struggling to tell myself everything is on track as long as i still believe that i have a great God...!

this morning as i drove to work...i realize people do move on...and "move up!" ...i saw the indian family who always sell newspaper at the roadside near my house...they have a car right now..even if it's not new but they use to cycle a bicycle then move on to have motorbikes...and today i saw they had a old proton saga....isn't that what life suppose to be ...advancement

then i saw the lady selling nasi lemak ..this few days i was looking at her pitching her big umbrella...but today she had a mini lorry..!!isn't that what life suppose to be ...advancement

Been asking myself what kind of advancement am i gonna have...i am feeling that i am stuck...stuck at wall..! and i don't know what to do...

1. Sambung study- Otak memang slow..macam mana mo sambung??
2.Kahwin - ERmmmm
3. Beranak - rujuk no 2!
4.Quit my job - How do i support no.5?
5.Go for long holiday- Need more money.! (and i have a boss who dislike staffs to go for long holiday)...
6. How to multiply money...!! tones of money - knplah merompak itu dosa!!???

nyeh..guess that i just have to enjoy what i have now....and give thanks of what i have...!


heartnote: Please GOD..show me the meaning of this life...!

5 Roti+2 Ikan

Never Doubt what God can do....

just came back from dad's exaggerate Birthday and Eva's fullmoon...I was really worried about not having enough food for the party..as it was just a sudden plan dad came out...and i remembered the story of the boy with 5 loaves and 2 fishes that fed thousands...as i was low on funds..and this was not planned ahead...after all the "sleepless" nite thinking..! Thank God He was outdone my faith!(we had lot's of left overs despite thinking not enuff food..!) expected 40 people but 95 turn up!!)

now i realize why it is important for my dad to celebrate his birthday...it's because he is already on reserved time...I thank the Lord for tat too...!

i learn this story at sunday school...and seeing lot's of uncles and aunties from sunday school turning up that day..really overwhelm me...they all look almost the same but just older...

heartnote: How awesome is OUR God..!

I thank God for my Papito!

I thank the Lord that He has been good to us and giving loads of time together...

and

I am greatfull that God has created the worlds most wonderful DAD...

through him i have seen things that i have not understand and sometimes still don't understand...

he taught me to be faithfull to friends...!he always say forgive friends and always remember the times you enjoyed and the hard times you go through together...

and he also taught me to never give up..once you don't succeed try and try until you can..!

i have never hear my dad say about giving up....

until

recently the last time he went back to his homeland

he told me while weeding..he was about to give up ..he was about to just throw away his grass cutter and just give up..!

he told me he was asking himself how his father could do it alone....!

but after that he still carried on..i could see his frustration...but he still carried on...

from that day on ward every time i am about to give up..i will remember that day my dad told me he was about to give up...that day tears swell up in my eyes...and i am sure like my dad and his father before him..faces hard times in their life..but if they had given up...

i would be a failure too..!

 at a cotton field in australia....see the resemblence of our taste in cowboy hats? :P

my dad the kangaroo hunter!!!( i told you he did it!!)

so Pa...Happy Birthday! and God bless you abundantly for the years to come...!

cheers!!!!!!

love ya!

footnote:his birthday was yesterday..but we don't show much emotion in our family..we tend to do it silently..i look forward to celebrating his grand birthday this weekend!

....

Loving the life as it is...

But missing the true life that is should be.....

when time is moving fast that it makes it harder to just to take a breath...and a split second will make you think what have you done in your life...and what are you going to do with your life....!

i wish i can just take a break and look out at the horizon and just know the direction of life !

heartnote: Am plain o'll stuck!and i don't know what to do..!

just another adventures day in the kitchen...

i came back from work feeling really gloomy after a whole day sitting behind my desk....
 and really wanted to eat something nice for dinner...ask i am forbiding myself to go to any fastfood join till the end of the year...!i decided to cook up something new...the whole way otw back from work..i could taste that certain thing that i wanted to eat..and my brain was sorting out what were the ingredient...!(GLUTONS!)

lucky me i have a supermarket just at my doorstep so i went to GIANT and grab somestuffs....

 home made meatballs...the looks doesn't do justice to the taste...i was proud when i tasted it...it was simply awesome for a first timer...(ironically i didn't surf the net on how to make it..i just use my head and taste bud) the texture was off tho..it was on the softer side..i wanted it chewy...maybe next time...better..

 i hand slice some potatoes...for carbs...:P

 and assemble the stuffs...

did you already guessed wat i made??

 ok ok...i omitted the cheese pictures part..so i won't feel guilty...hahaa..i did 2 cheeses mozarella n cheddar...YUMMYLICIOUS..!!!thanks to prego carbonara...~

 sorry couldn't wait for the cheese to cool down to see the string pulling effect...!! hahaha...

i cut down on the cheesses so it was not cheesy...!(trying to lose weight remember?LOL)

it was a bit on the rich side...so i just had a few meat balls...the potatoes were awesome...but the bro.almost wallop the whole tray...nyeh..so much for lunch tomorow...

 i did whip up some spagety carbornara too..just in case the bro. need somemore carbs...! LOL...

why the sudden rajinness you say?

i got this i think about almost a month ago...! but it was still in the box...!always wanted one..!so much for waiting for someone to "gift" it to me for a wedding present!! LOL....i decided to get it myself while shopping for mom's "alwayswanted" blender...so much for wanting to give her for her Bday...i decided it was time...!

i love love love the chopper..it made life easier!! (easier to get fat too)

but it is a reason to eat healthy too...ever since i was told that the mince meats that we get from shops are actually for of fat...so now i do my own mince meat..and i know what's in them..only lean meat..!and it makes choppimg up onions like being in paradise!!...the chopper comes with 5 in 1 thingy..not sure wat they are but it comes with a blender,mixer and etc..!(tetiba jadi promoter lah pulak)..love love love it..!

wonder if anyone wants to hire me as their chef???i would definately trade in my job for that...! it's something i enjoy doing..and is something that makes my heart happy...and an adventure of taste buds...it's just like being somewhere else ...and am proud i have gone this far..! extra knowledge....

its simply a detox method for me when i am worried about things..!when everything seems to be not right..!and when life is like sitting at the edge of the cliff!..cooking keeps my mind sane..!is an ejecting mode before my heart falls in to a depression!*kinda not in the mood since the holiday....maybe i overdid myself this time..overburn..still on recovering mode from my nasty cough i got since aussie trip...can't wait to get back on track and to remember how to live again...!to enjoy again..! to joke again..!

by the way i am typing this at 4am..have been up since 1am and couldn't go back to sleep!!maybe to much cheese!!!..

Yippey it's friday already...can't wait to go on the Doulos....!i promise to get more books for edmund...hopefully the prices will be cheaper then being on shore!

heartnote : it's a dazed when suddenly you realise that your life is going no where..but at the same time people are asking where to go!! i seem to misplace my real self somewhere and is searching for it...

LIfe unexpected

today is a sad day

a colleague of mine just lost her husband this afternoon....

this morning she had a husband...her 2 small children had a father...and suddenly after lunch she is a widow and the kids are without a father....Sad :.(

for the rest of the day i was sad...and cried otw home from work thinking about how will life be for her and her children this few days..How would she answer her children when they ask when they father will get home....!how this life is not fair for the children who are 6 & 4

i know how ever sad this makes me...it's worst being her....

today i thought of little things...little things that we take for granted...the little sms that we never get to answer...then little hi how are you that we fail to say....the teh tarik time that we seem to feel a waste of someone's time...how i wish i could do it without feeling that i would disturb a family members or friend's time...cos as for me i know life is unexpected...!

so well..until i have all the time being alive...i'm gonna stop and smell more roses....look at more blue sky...and enjoy the wind blowing to my face....and most of all make time for my love ones...!

well peeps... please2 spend time or just reserve 30 minutes of meal time with anyone...i already lost one friend  in a young life....and to hear people saying that "I should have spare time or I should have answer his calls"....

life never seems to be fair...but the little that we have...we should learn to cherish it!...


p/s by the way the friend's husband died of heart attact and collapse while on this motobike on the way to work this afternoon.. He was 36....


heartnote:Hati ku sedih dan rapuh hari ni...life is unexpected...

Butt checks in OZ

I came to realize after looking at popong's and my OZ album i have lot's of butt pics...

hmmm...

*to be updated if i spot more k

Baby Eva...

littlte update on the little princess of the house now...i am totally jealous cos someone overthrone me as the little princess of the house...but anyway...i adore and love her!!

baby eva is a great baby...she doesn't cry when she is wet...hence big bro call her lazy bone....cos she doesn't care if you make sound she just sleeps....if she is wet or done her poo poo..she will just be quite....she will only scream when milk is late and she is awaken for her bath...!

another princess in the making!!...

the soft touch of a abang...

Entrance Fee-OZ Trip

we bought the entrance fee in advance through My Fun  we decided to go to 2 places...that was the MovieWorld and Paradise Country Park in Gold Coast!

Movie World

ini fread....

pandang pandang...

he saw something...

tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

terus malu....eleh leh....

Batman

Paradise Country Park..

 hog...

 hmm...

 kindy kids...

 wagon..

 shearing of sheep

 juvi getting married..

 kangaroos!

 beautiful babes...

 nuts...

 macam adik beradik lah....

mcm  berkawan pulak...

since we had extra money we opted to go on skypoint...which was the tallest residential building in Surfers Paradise...

 what the heck posing kat sini???

costs!

Movie world :AUD 49.90

Paradise Country: AUD29.90 (inclusive of lunch)

Skypoint: AUD21