It's just not another ordinary day...

today is the 13 of Nov...
and today is a special day for me...(i seldom say it's a special day..) but this year i'll make it special...
i use to think that my life is such a flop being stuck in a place that i don't even like...and being away from the family and the friends!...everytime i think about it it makes me sad....(especially at a hormonal imbalance stage of the month)...i think i will always feel like this for the rest of my life until God does something...:P..
but anyway i need to give thanks too...as i grow older...and hopefully wiser...i am very blessed to know and walk in some people's life....and am blessed to have people walk into my life too..indeed every person have taught me lots...be it in a positive matter or other wise...and i realise that it made me stronger every step of my life....yes there were many times in life that i feel down and let down...but am still learning to get up by myself and keep on walking...as i think of today..sometimes i have doubts of my existence in this world...what am i doing here for?am i wasting my life?what good am i..?is my life pathetic!!?

i really wish that every step of my life i would be a blessing in peoples life....that every person that i meet i would be a able to atleast touch their life in my actions....as tat is what i always want in my own life..that people bless me...or touch my heart in anything they do...be it a simple gesture like a simple sms,a simple phone call...a simple meal..or be it having "lepaking" time together..

but as i grow older i realise that life is not always what we want it to be...in a split second you can be feeling sad or bursting with laughter....(got to admit it has been a long long while since i had a good laugh)...i missed the times of having able to have friends for meals...i missed the times of having able just to call up someone and say let's go somewhere....but as time flies..i realise that it's all about self initiatives....have to work hard by yourself...and keep on blessing people...even if your not up to it and is tired...you just have to carry on and as it goes along...blessing people is a real joy of a lifetime....!


my aunty wrote something about the day i was born http://annkschin.blogspot.com/2008/11/when-child-is-born.html and i am really blessed to be in my "weird" and loving family....

this is me with my late grandmother....

my memory of her is that she cooks very good food....and when she was around the house would smell of good food everytime....she made us icecream when it was hot in the afternoon....cakes..everything....sweets....the one thing was...she looked after us...but she didn't know how to speak in English...and i only speak English...but yet...we still could get along...

till this day many people who knew her spoke well of her...spoke of her kindness....spoke of her great skills in cooking...and never ending great effort to share with people her kind hearted....!

when it is time for me to leave....i want people to talk of me like that....i remembered when i use to be "good" the only motto i had in life was 

live the life as it was your last and live it to the fullest so when you die people would have lots of good memories of you...!

i kinda miss that feeling in life...relentlessly showing kindness and effortless joy....!

GOD..my wish is that You give me strength in everything i do..and give me time to show love to people i care and love so much...!

Thanks for the countless of blessings in my life....

HEartnote:there's just lots of things in this heart that i longer for...but i know everything is in God's hands....