a day with Mr Shredder on a saturday morning...

it had to be done this way.....

after more then 3 years 10 months end of next week i will be walking out of this small aquarium i display myself for 8am to 5.30pm everyday on a weekday....

after just clearing one of my drawers i realise how much rubbish i have been keeping all these years....

didn't get to do much because haven't decide wether i wanna keep them or give to somebody else...still on undecisive mode....rasa nya shred aja smua kan...?

spend 1 hour saja shredding...ada rasa sedih juga la...so much have been accomplished but all gone in vain...org tia appreciate...

p/s nasib baik ada org sudi belanja ikan dan sotong bakar for lunch ehheeh...terus mood pun ok sikit..thanks ya...!:P

heartnote:kalau org buat jahat sama kita knp kita tia boleh balas??



When God give....

it's official..

i am moving on 23rd May 2011 to a new office....

Heartnote:why is it when you are at a point that you don't want what you had always wanted..then God give it to you?

Hidup ini perlu diteruskan

Jam: 4.00am
Tarikh: 3 Mei 2011
tempat:bilik tidur ku...

selepas bertungkus lumus membuat minit mesyuarat selama 1 jam....otak ku sudah "jammed"...ini bukan kerana rajin...ini kerana terpaksa...kalau ikut hati...bagus buang dalam tong sampah....

mula2 rasa best blog dalam BM tapi tiba2 rasa best pulak cakap BI...so switch lah ah...

I know this is last minute...i should have done it 3 days ago...i had 3 days off....saturday,sunday and monday...but i didn't do it...and know i am like burning emergency oil (instead of midnight)...gotta have this done by today....but i thank God i had 3 days of rest...of doing nothing at all...(some may say boring....but i say it is a rest) i really needed the rest before going off to "war" again today for another week....I hope this week treat me kind....! for i am at a brink of breaking into pieces already...(byk betul mo buat..tapi tangan ada dua saja dan otak ada satu saja...mana mungkin boleh fikir smua benda)...i gotta to complete everything before i get the official letter....so kawan2 sila bear with me ok...i just can't think of anything else other then work from now...!(tetiba jantung berdebar dengan sungguh kencang)

sometimes life is funny...when you always wish for something..then suddenly it is almost reality...you suddenly stop and start to think....is this really for real???is this a good move?the feelin of uncertainty suddenly overcomes...!!!how can i think of other things when i myself is uncertain what i may face....! (tetiba byk soalan yg org tanya2 ni membuat hati panas...!!!!)
i got a sms from my niece yesterday about a college offer...(college yg tidak pernah dengar nama nya)...and said she already got a ticket here tomorow...i almost collapse...apa ni...apasal buat keputusan macam ni...! (i know i know ini ada tidak releven....) but just want to connect with what i am facing this few days....macam mana boleh nasihat org lain bila sendiri pun goyah...!!! sendiri pun tidak dapat fikir untuk diri sendiri...???

Breath Jane...just breathhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............tetiba anxiety attack!!!...

Tuhan Kau pencipta langit dan Bumi ini...! dan smua nya ada di Tangan Kau...tolonggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s after all this waking up stuff mo buat kerja...just to realise that agenda mesyuarat yg in the pic...is the wrong agenda that i brought home...!thank God i had some of the soft copy that i emailed to myself last friday...so boleh buat sikit2...darn you jane for this foolish mistake!!!!!!!!!

heartnote: I just need a little breather...cos every single feeling is just coming back to me after a week of numbness...a week of not feeling anything...a week of shutting down...this is reality..and reality that i can't cope...!

(ini adalah satu cerita dongeng....lepas smua ini i'll be find..and i'll promise i'll get back to doing what i do best ok..the planner...! can't wait to be my normal self...SUPERJANE...)

Missing the ME in Me...

been having problems at work that it eating me slowly inside...

kinda drop my shield for a little while on friday...

was thinking whether i did wrong to judge hopeless people...and they deserved credit for being courages to show me i suck at being a leader..

a boss...

i smell the rebelling nerve in them on friday...the talk around that went straight to the heart...

i am still thinking of another game plan...and realise that being a leader is a lonely job...

i realise that i have to shield my heart no matter what...

and remind myself i need this job to pay everything i own and to have fun travelling...

must set the feeling..a little girl always ask me when i go visit...:" yoyo' ada mainan ini, kamu ada??"yoyo' ada buku ini, kamu ada?? yoyo' pandai buat donat kamu pandai??"

so i will get to work on monday bearing in my mind....Saya ada degree, kamu ada??? Saya ada bilik sendiri,kamu ada???saya bos kamu..kamu apa??? :P

(i know it's bad but i really think that i've been good for a long time and all has gone to vain)

this morning as i was cleaning the house...i realise that my plant..(the one i gave up hope on)...

when i bought it it was well..until slowly2 one by one the leave whitered....and i gave up on it..

but this morning i realise that there was a sign of LIFE....



I miss my Niko...

i miss being able to take pics that would make me myself cry

I miss being the person that won't be hurt by a simple word ...

i miss being the person that will do things just to make people feel good...

of all I MISS being ME

fudnote: i know that i will never know what YOU instore for me..and why i am walking alone in the desert...but i know YOU are GREAT!

p/s i just did the most stupidos thing...i browse my staffs FB rupanya aku di gelar kafir lagnat...hmmp..it's kinda sad..but God how angry i am with that statement...ajar lah aku mengampuni mereka sebab mereka tidak tau apa mereka buat...please give me strength everyday at work..!guide me..

Aku mau jadi kuda!

just wanted an interesting and catchy title....had a very bad day today...it's another day when everything went wrong...if i always tell you all that my blood was boiling..today was like mad until i think my blood's not boiling anymore until the pot is dry....

drove back home and had a good cry...yeah now i know it's just best just to cry like hell and feel a bit better later...!

today i just wish and hope that God permits what i will and am doing...i may not know wats in store for me..but all i know is today is not a good day..i'll stopplanning and trying to accomodate people for a bit...cos i just don't wanna care..!!

tidak mo berharap tinggi..aku mau seperti jimbron...mo menjadi kuda...kuda yg laju yg boleh lari selaju2nya...

fudnote:after 4 large muffin ...i am still hungry...

Backwards in time..!

I was looking for my appointment letter...so i had to dig out this black box of mine...i have been dreading to go through it for years now...but seems like i always thought it as a box with bitter memory..as it was from the old department i was in...!! (i had this really bad memories of my boss then :P )...

so this was what i found...

(kesian kan kerja sambilan sambung2 tempoh every 6 months)

(gaji pun gaji hari...those were the days i hated holidays....)No work no pay :P

(1st time going overseas)

(MC pertama dan terakhir pernah dapat sepanjang bekerja)

(dulu2 RM26 pun claim hahaha)

(interbiu yang hampir tidak berjaya...)

One more thing i found was....hehhe this:

gosh..what my time was filled those days...

Times really has passed by so fast....i found lot's of hidden treasures too...like my first credit card statements...(gone passed are the days with little hutangs)....airasia tickets to places....notes that i scribble during meetings...(kebanyakkan nya mengira bajet saja)....resit from trips to genting...!! bill eletrik yang masih RM19 dulu itu kira mahal sudah...!!

tapi rasanya time for me to throw away some stuffs..

It's ok to remember the pass and then carry on with the future....


FUTNOTE: aku rindu ya masa dulu2 yang spontan..when you don't need to have valid reasons to adakan makan2...jalan2...early morning or midnite worshiping n prayer time with friends)

Lifeless...

This place is sucking the life out of me...!!

ada rupa ofis org yang memang tidak suka kerja dia kah????

well i am sustainning because it pays

it pays...my addiction to travelling...pays my addiction to being with my kabigans...

it pays...to enjoy...!!

sampai bila boleh tahan ni ah..!! takkan sampai pencen kot...! :P (oh ya i am officially bertaraf PENCEN) dang

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perasan kah bilik aku macam aquarium...!

Updet version:

sebenarnya mo kasi tunjuk staff aku tengah mengumpat2 hehehe...

ini keadaan sebenar ..yg hari tu di kemas2kan sikits...wah bangga lah kalau korang cakap ofis gwe kemas wakakakkaka....sebab di ofis ni kononnya meja aku lah paling selerak..!! adakah ini sebab org lain tidak kerja dan aku ni byk kerja...? wakakakakakaka

My brain is frying itself!

this few days have been painstakingly busy....running here and there...doing this and that...thinking about this and that....! until i can litterally feel my brain frying it self....!(darn it...really hoping for a holiday )...

how the days passed by so fast...super fast...until you don't realize that today is already wednesday....!!
but to compensate these feelins...i found out i still have the saigon pics in my office pc...(heheh..thanks for double backup...)

with all the things happening around me i feel that i am living in a cinema...!! watching things happen in front of me...!! tapi takpa tidak perlu di ganggu oleh langau2 yg berterbangan...!! kaibigans sekalian...!! mari lah berjalan hhahaa...

i think i am goin to HCMC in October...anyone mau join??

Kursus Membosan kan...

dodling away masa kursus....

I am bored....

Di cameron sekarang, boring mau mampus...i think its fun kalau datang dengan kengkawan but this datang dengan org ofis...adoyai...bosang........!!!!!!!!! sudah lah rasa mau demam this....!!

Stupidos Alcato...!!

it makes me sad when seeing unscropulos people.....when bosses are on my ass everyday...and staffs are being un reasonable.....been having lot's on my mind lately....thinking of this and that...settleling this and that....found some unwanted white hairs too....(like my mom said: Age is catching up) sometimes i wish for a time off away...but i am glad though...at time like this God has make ways for me to understand more about life...about self....if it was up to me i'll be fuming...!! but i am glad i still have this little of patiences in me.....and thank God for having a temporary roomate in time like this....walaupun kita dua mengantok2 and tetiba in the middle of a conversation will just drop to sleep....hahaha..! and will be awaken by someone suddenly asking me what time izit in the middle of the wee hours....!!

well now i know all things happens for a reason....i can't wait for my breakthrough!!!!...i feel like flying!!!

(maap lah gambar besar2...just want to tell that i am really really tired of this life....)

Bila hati rasa confuse...

I don't know what to feel..i should be excited and should be jumping for joy...But i kinda have a mix mode feelin...my brains trying to be sane....trying to live one step at the time...

This morning i walk in my office (dengan environment bilik yg baru..yeah togs..i think i need plants lah...). i really come into conclusion that even though i hate my job and the people around me.. i really think i must take things one step at the time...i know a wind of change is about to blow my way...but i know that the One above has His plans...i don't know what and looks like i will have a hard time adjusting too...but i will try to just live with it...

it's another 3 days to trip...and suppose to be a ultimate trip...but i haven't gotten into the mood yet...cos i was hit by this stupid report that was suppose to be due yesterday..and was stuck bz with it the whole day...!! apasal lah org2 bijak pandai ni..bila last minit tidak dapat buat...kami lah jadi mangsa...damn..i didn't like it.. but what to do..!!!

fudnote: I am feelin nervouse...and i am damn broke ada sepa2 yg mo kasi derma sya duit???