been having problems at work that it eating me slowly inside...
kinda drop my shield for a little while on friday...
was thinking whether i did wrong to judge hopeless people...and they deserved credit for being courages to show me i suck at being a leader..
a boss...
i smell the rebelling nerve in them on friday...the talk around that went straight to the heart...
i am still thinking of another game plan...and realise that being a leader is a lonely job...
i realise that i have to shield my heart no matter what...
and remind myself i need this job to pay everything i own and to have fun travelling...
must set the feeling..a little girl always ask me when i go visit...:" yoyo' ada mainan ini, kamu ada??"yoyo' ada buku ini, kamu ada?? yoyo' pandai buat donat kamu pandai??"
so i will get to work on monday bearing in my mind....Saya ada degree, kamu ada??? Saya ada bilik sendiri,kamu ada???saya bos kamu..kamu apa??? :P
(i know it's bad but i really think that i've been good for a long time and all has gone to vain)
this morning as i was cleaning the house...i realise that my plant..(the one i gave up hope on)...
when i bought it it was well..until slowly2 one by one the leave whitered....and i gave up on it..
but this morning i realise that there was a sign of LIFE....
I miss my Niko...
i miss being able to take pics that would make me myself cry
I miss being the person that won't be hurt by a simple word ...
i miss being the person that will do things just to make people feel good...
of all I MISS being ME
fudnote: i know that i will never know what YOU instore for me..and why i am walking alone in the desert...but i know YOU are GREAT!
p/s i just did the most stupidos thing...i browse my staffs FB rupanya aku di gelar kafir lagnat...hmmp..it's kinda sad..but God how angry i am with that statement...ajar lah aku mengampuni mereka sebab mereka tidak tau apa mereka buat...please give me strength everyday at work..!guide me..
p/s i just did the most stupidos thing...i browse my staffs FB rupanya aku di gelar kafir lagnat...hmmp..it's kinda sad..but God how angry i am with that statement...ajar lah aku mengampuni mereka sebab mereka tidak tau apa mereka buat...please give me strength everyday at work..!guide me..
3 comments:
jane,sedihnya baca...can't imagine if it is me at your situation right now..i dont think i can bear it..But i know you will never give up..Please be and stay strong, jane...Let them said and do whatever they like until their got tired..
hey Jane... here are the names i used to call my boss - headless chicken, stupid cow, donkey, kick-here-there-ball etc (you get the idea)... i guess, that's just the way it is... NOTHING that the boss do will ever, in the sligthest way be pleasing to the subordinates... oh, and I know i'm being refered to as Kakak Monster D in places I'm a superior... Just gotta hang in there I guess.. focus our eyes on Him... and all things that surrounds us will grow strangely dim... Can u imagine the names the Israelites called Moses when he was leading them round and round the desert for 40 long years! Hang in there buddy... This life is temporary... HURRAY in that promise!
kayau: yeah sedih mcm rasa kena tumbuk di perut..but well sya rasa sya perlu sushi time :P!thanks...
Dy: i realised that this morning dolok pun aku selalu call my bosses names....well it's a wheel...! i am pasting our pangkat2 on my wall..i am the top of the hirarki and that person is at the bottom!! made me happy!!
thanks guys...ada rasa mo give up tapi fikir apa pulak kan..durang lah tu kafir dan jahil..! i will try to wall with my head high today!!
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