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Jam: 4.00am
Tarikh: 3 Mei 2011
tempat:bilik tidur ku...

selepas bertungkus lumus membuat minit mesyuarat selama 1 jam....otak ku sudah "jammed"...ini bukan kerana rajin...ini kerana terpaksa...kalau ikut hati...bagus buang dalam tong sampah....

mula2 rasa best blog dalam BM tapi tiba2 rasa best pulak cakap BI...so switch lah ah...

I know this is last minute...i should have done it 3 days ago...i had 3 days off....saturday,sunday and monday...but i didn't do it...and know i am like burning emergency oil (instead of midnight)...gotta have this done by today....but i thank God i had 3 days of rest...of doing nothing at all...(some may say boring....but i say it is a rest) i really needed the rest before going off to "war" again today for another week....I hope this week treat me kind....! for i am at a brink of breaking into pieces already...(byk betul mo buat..tapi tangan ada dua saja dan otak ada satu saja...mana mungkin boleh fikir smua benda)...i gotta to complete everything before i get the official letter....so kawan2 sila bear with me ok...i just can't think of anything else other then work from now...!(tetiba jantung berdebar dengan sungguh kencang)

sometimes life is funny...when you always wish for something..then suddenly it is almost reality...you suddenly stop and start to think....is this really for real???is this a good move?the feelin of uncertainty suddenly overcomes...!!!how can i think of other things when i myself is uncertain what i may face....! (tetiba byk soalan yg org tanya2 ni membuat hati panas...!!!!)
i got a sms from my niece yesterday about a college offer...(college yg tidak pernah dengar nama nya)...and said she already got a ticket here tomorow...i almost collapse...apa ni...apasal buat keputusan macam ni...! (i know i know ini ada tidak releven....) but just want to connect with what i am facing this few days....macam mana boleh nasihat org lain bila sendiri pun goyah...!!! sendiri pun tidak dapat fikir untuk diri sendiri...???

Breath Jane...just breathhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............tetiba anxiety attack!!!...

Tuhan Kau pencipta langit dan Bumi ini...! dan smua nya ada di Tangan Kau...tolonggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s after all this waking up stuff mo buat kerja...just to realise that agenda mesyuarat yg in the pic...is the wrong agenda that i brought home...!thank God i had some of the soft copy that i emailed to myself last friday...so boleh buat sikit2...darn you jane for this foolish mistake!!!!!!!!!

heartnote: I just need a little breather...cos every single feeling is just coming back to me after a week of numbness...a week of not feeling anything...a week of shutting down...this is reality..and reality that i can't cope...!

(ini adalah satu cerita dongeng....lepas smua ini i'll be find..and i'll promise i'll get back to doing what i do best ok..the planner...! can't wait to be my normal self...SUPERJANE...)