Flying away to recover...

Perasaan confuse masih ada...wat am i doin...tapi tak pa lah jarang-2 buat begini..!! maybe being with people yang sangat familiar sama me will help...people yang kenal betul sama aku..and know wat i am feelin right now...tak payah korang buat apa-2 tak payah aku cerita apa-2 korang sudah tau knp...

last nite just hanging out with a friend really help me lots...terus ada detik perasaan yang..eh mana sudah kemarahan dalam hati...sudah lupa hahhaa..really.!! really!..tetiba boleh forget!...apa lagi tunggu ni mlm!! berjumpa dengan kabigans aku..!! fuh mesti tidak ingat dunia terus hahahaa...

thanks FRIENDS...aku ok sudah sikit...

ramai org ingat i just need to share sama org kasi cerita sama org what happen baru ok...hahaa..tapi kali ni babe...perasaan marah dan sakit hati sampai tidak terkata...hahaha..just forget about everything lah...aku mo terbang-2 sekejap...p tempat yang familiar...tempat yang "disayangi"... (sini macam tanah haram saja bagi aku...kiri kanan org tikam-2..kiri kanan org salah sangka...kiri kanan org don't give a dem..rasa nya kalau mati pun dorang lagi gembira....mulut dorg ni memang macam ingat dunia ni selama nya...TAKPA LAH..MEREKA INI MEMANG HEBATS...AKU SALUTE SAMA DORANG NI...!!)

stress note to myself: harus belajar self control..and juga don't give a dem sama org2 yg don't give a dem..

nak menari..melompat..guling-2

APA PERASAAN KORANG BILA SELAMA NI APA KO BUAT 2 MINGGU SIT DOWN...KENA MARAH2 KENA MAKI2....

THEN TETIBA PAGI-2 KENA MAKLUM..TAK PAYAH BUAT ITU SEMUA SEBENARNYA!!!!

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tapi biarlah aku ok...ok ok aja...! nak menari lah..!! nak singing pun boleh..!

baca post satu pare aku http://kukuanga.blogspot.com/2009/05/just-come-over.html terharu biru o...

thanks pares...i am really gonna fly..!! just wanna get away from here...! i don't need to be heard...i just need good food... good place to hang out...and most of all... need good company...thats all...just plain being with people that don't need to do much but just being there!!

let's have a good laugh k...jgn pening-2 sudah hhahaaa......

i am coming over to you all gals..(momma too)...let's do blablabla....!!jgn pernah bosan terhadap aku k...aku cuba utk enjoy hidup ini..!i know my prob won't go away...hanjeng tetap hanjeng..sampai sekarang mode FORGIVING sudah datang...biar lah...apa-2 saja lah they all buat...kasi ampun saja lah..!! LET'S FLYYYYYYYYYYYY...!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s thanks DY...at a brink of giving up sudah td...u made it possible...!Love ya!!muacccccckkkksss!!

My Faith is SHAKEN...

Been feelin really-2 down ...really been feelin shitty...I know i am not suppose to feel this way but tak tau lah...just cannot seem to rub this one away...this time memang rasa macam kena push betul-2 right to the cliff...rasa macam mau give up and terjun saja....everything seems to be tidak OK ...i don't know why this time really can't shake it...i really betul rasa life is unfair...!! bertambah dengan stress at work ni...!!jiwa memang terganggu...hati memang remuk...otak celaru...semua ada...tapi hairan ...kali ni macam mata jadi keras...hati rasa mau nangis tapi mata tetap mau berlagak cool...normally after a good cry everything wud be ok...tapi kali ni despite everything mata tetap maintain...selalu nya ada prob. hati dan mulut terbuka utk share sama kengkawan..tapi kali ni hati rasa malas mau say anything...smua ada masalah masing2 kan...dan masalah aku ni kecik saja...(kan..kan..kan?)

been thinking of a great escape actually tapi i realize itu semua tidak akan selesai kan masalah2...mungkin betul lah ...i need to find myself back...apa motif aku kat sini...apa tujuan sebenar hidup ini..!! (geng sorry lah try and try book ticket tapi error saja..byk kali try error juga...rasa nya tak payah lah...i give up..!) thanks anyway...the minute u guys say ok just come over membuat aku ok sikit...membuat aku rasa disayangi sudah...thanks guys...!! maybe next time k....

tgh dengar The Climb sekarang...read more at:http://jenkays.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-can-almost-see-it-that-dream-im.html

The struggles I’m facing,The chances I’m taking Sometimes they might knock me down but...No I’m not breaking I may not know it,But these are the moments that,I’m going to remember most ...yeah.....Just got to keep going And I got to be strong...Just keep pushing on

I know masa2 begini perlu go on bended knees kan and just talk to God...but kali ni sampai tahap kedegilan tahap Gaban....hati keras...!

*after stalling...

knp tetiba i feel a bit ok...mungkin terluah sudah lah perasaan ini...i am coming to my senses abit...tak pa lah org buat kita macam mana kan...! maafkan lah they all kan...anger only makes me a sinner..!reminds me of...bila org tampar pipi kanan bagi lah pipi kiri juga dan etc...biarkan lah...

i know bulan 5 ni i actually buat resolusi kan...read more:http://jenkays.blogspot.com/2009/05/azam-baru-di-bulan-ke-lima-2009.html tapi haiya...memang ternyata tidak betul itu azam...kena lempar dalam laut lah ...so not cool...!!

tapi really..kali ni memang being shaken..memang rasa macam off key...memang rasa macam terjatuh...

takpa lah...looking forward to be with my Pares!!!! looking forward to MANILA...and looking forward to unveil WSR1311 too (:P) (ya,Pares..aku sampai mo tukar Gil..!! mau lupakan telah lalu..!macam sayang..tapi sudah buat keputusan kan lupakan saja yg lalu...tidak mau ingat kisah lama..!)

COUNTDOWN 15 HARI LAGI..!!! 15 DEMN DAYS to staying in this awfull place!!

Trust...

"Trust only urself" -
knp kata-kata ini menusuk hati dan membuat hati lagi kecewa....

Maybe kadang-2 wrong words at the wrong time boleh wujud perasaan yang tidak besh sama diri...

mungkin masa lain ini adalah betul...tapi utk masa sekarang aku menganggap pernyataan tersebut agak selfish...agak selfcentered...agak dimoralized kalo di dengar....

tp tak apa smua org berhak utk merasa apa dia mo ..dan cakap apa dia mo..dan pikir apa dia mau...why shud one care about other people feelins....when they don't even know how themself feel...

siapa lah aku...aku hanya ...tidak berkepentingan...sorang yang tiada apa2 (sampai setakat ini terasa dignity taken away too)...yang pasti aku ingin kan ketenangan aja..!!

maaf kalau aku ada perasaan begini yang menjadi falsampah....just a reminder to myself actually...to trust no one easily...and to learn to trust in myself.more.....dan pikir kan diri sendiri lebih kerap...(sounds like i need to pamper myself today!! :P) tetiba teringin mencari ganti hushie ku...aduhhhhhhhh....

Heavy Steps everyday..

I am feelin so burn out this few days...hari hari sperti susah mau melangkah..hari hari spt susah mau teruskan..!aduhhhhhhhhh...letih lah...rasa macam tia guna melawan saja...!kadang2 rasa mungkin mereka tidak menganggap aku sebagai manusia yang punya perasaan...manusia yang punya hati...yg pandai sakit...yg pandai marah...yg pandai kecewa...

tak palah...w/pun tidak sama pegangan hidup dan agama...aku biar saja la..bukan hak aku utk menghakimi siapa2...biarlah kena tindas..aku hanya ingin cari makan...!ingin cari duit ...!ingin teruskan hidup...

just plain tired of people around me....aku pun perlu hiburan..aku pun perlu pujian...aku pun perlu bantuan sebab aku manusia biasa...

step by step bah kan...day by day...biarkan saja lah mereka mereka itu ...

can't wait lah for excursion away from this place...away from people that don't give a demn...10 days that i can't wait...sorry in advance geng kalau aku bersikap liar dan tidak dapat kawal diri sendiri...aku perlu release...


*masi terganggu dengan kesakitan gigi ku...

Tugu Drum Circle with En Baharin!!

Just got back from the Tugu Drum Circle..even though today turn up was not much..! but i kinda seriusly consider joinning them routinely just to have something to do sunday evening!!...agak malas dan letih utk berkata2 so just let the pics tell you guys wat's it about...

oh ya...i went with Baharain!!..bahar...whom i have never met before...we only chatted on YM for almost a year already...don't know wat drove me to finaly meet him in person...but had fun..!! shared lot's of things about phototaking!camera! wow...berjaya gak meracun mamat ini dengan 70-200mm..kihkihkih...well bahar welkom to the geng yang ingin kan lense ini :P

he wanted a pic with this lense..!! so i took it for him!! semacam terorist kan muke dier ni!! hahaha..ganas wo...:P

suke lah..ada gak kawan suke meniarap amik gambar!!! selalu kena gelak saja bila buat ini..!! Nice Knowing you Mr Bahar...next time kita jumpe2 lagi yer..!

FUTNOTE: Mak aku selalu pesan jgn keluar-2 dengan strangers...tp kenape hari ni aku keluar dengan org yg aku tak pernah jumpe selama ni?aku pun tak tau..aku pun masi blur tentang apa aku buat tadi! but i had fun knowing someone new...tak salah kan tambah kawan!

dah mulai utk hidup kembali...bernafas sendiri...moving on...!

Havin FUN...

MONKEYING AROUND....

monyet pun sayang satu sama lain kan...! tp knp manusia yg punya akal pikiran saling benci..saling kurang ajar..!

RELEASEEEEEEEEEEEE............

TENSI - SEPAK-2 BOLA- KAROKSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

terus kembali mode:

GILA-GILA...

HATI GIRANGERBLE

Frd...aku ranking kan ko kawan yang ngetop carta lah setakat ni SEBAGAI KAWAN AKU yg COOL BANGAT!!!

aku tau sekali lagi statement ini akan mengundang hati kurang puas antara yg lain..! bah masuk bertanding lah kalo mo..fread sudah menang season ini!! wakakkakaka...thanks Fread menemani ... i love you fread....i love u so much !!

*jgn ada keraguan dan kegusaran tentang post ini k.ini hanya award sementara sahaja...dan jgn pulak ada kesangsian yang aku sbenarnya ada sahabat yang lebih TOP dari award ini..!! yang dia tidak layak utk bertanding sebab dia memang ngetop dalam hati..!Babe... i love you more...!! :P needless to award any award because there is none that can describe!

Weekend + One Day...Stress Detoxing...

Frustration...givin up...

Camera...capturing...

Friends...just being there...

picking up one self...

trying to be NORMAL again!!

terima kasih kepada geng karoks simpanan..!! for spending 2 days melayan perasaan sama stress gwe...(kepada geng karoks utama...weii kami pun boleh buat konsert sendiri tanpa kamuorang!!)Uolsssss tau penat weolsss..kerja parttime di ceria box...uols tak nak jemput weols buat konsert ker kat KKbox??overseas gitu...

betul-2 rasa detoxing...!!rewarding diri sendiri..knp aku rasa byk pulak kita buat kan dlm masa yg singkat!!i simply just LOVEEEEEEEEee the trying on bajus part..(sayang sama ko la fread jadi advisor...) AND no i didn't go back to buy the outfit i crave for!! kita tunggu minggu depan k...minggu depan aku akan p beli hahaha..!ko dua punya pasal aku terpaksa jatuh cinta kepada benda2 yang aku tak tau aku perlu kah tidak...macam almost abolish my wardrobe!!

Soul Mate

Discovering that love is unconditional and stronger than time...

Photoshoot of Diayana and akmal...was the first time meeting akmal he was stiff and i found out why...SOLDIER!! but he has a sweet smile and a babyface look...Diayana loves being shoot and was always making sure her soulmate be more relax and making him laugh!! thanks guys...after a long time of puasa penembak..found out i was really rusty already...need to pull myself back together again...perlu bangun self confident kembali...

terima kasi kepada Sifu DaVy juga...atas byk pengajaran...dan kepada Helena Ping...soly terpaksa jadi tukang pegang reflector..!!

muka kepanasan...hahaa..behind the scene mesti ada juga

Anywhere...Anyone...Anything.....WHATEVER...

it's been a long time since i paste pics...selama ni sudah hilang mood..hari ni kasi paksa mood...nahhhhhh amek ni...tengok puas-2

FRUSTRATION..!

SIAL. BODOH. BANGANG

Kenapa membalas dendam adalah dosa???Tuhan ajarlah aku bersabar...ajar aku mengampuni...ajar aku bertenang..!!Sorry that i am only human to feel this way...

Punca amarah:apa perasaan korang bila slama ni ko buat kerja-kerja...then mo finalize sudah benda itu...boss ko cakap serah la benda itu kepada org lain(org yg selama ni mengelat..menghilang..menipu)WHAT DO U FEEL?????perasaan aku adalah: itu org ANJING KURAP!!!

HATI LEBAM

today byk berlaku perkara-2 yang dahsyat dalam otak dalam pikiran secara fizikal secara jiwa...

1. Kena audit ISO

2.sebab no.1,terkejar-2 siapkan file2....(ini terjadi bila staffs semua anggap ISO bukan kerja diorang)---SHAITSSSSSS...time2 ni jawapan standard keluar...takda cik jane file memang takda...atau saya baru kerja sini 2006 saya taktau....WTF..!!aku pun kerja sini 2007!!! boleh kah aku cakap itu juga?demn

3.Hari ini aku kena maki-2 apek dari china dpn smua org opis...demn agent pelajar..!! (something that i wanna erase dalam sejarah kerja kat UKM ni)

4.Gusi ku sakit gila-2 sampai mau mati...(tp ini aku tahan saja dlm hati...nangis pun dalam hati...then makan painkiller sama panadol byk2) tp lagi sakit bila org keliling ko tak paham ko sakit...INGAT AKU MAIN2 kah!!!

terus aku rasa hati aku lebam(bruise)...hati aku kering...hati rapuh...hati aku sedih...hati nangis....tapi tak pa...!!!!!!AKU Anggap ini dugaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn yang penting 1 MONTH from now aku akan ENJOY..ENJOY...ENJOY....HUHA...HUHA..HUHA.......

I REALLY...REALLY NEED A BREAK!!

(aku bangga hari ini...aku habis kan diri dengan diri sendiri ...luahan perasaan pun dgn blog ini..biasa sudah luahkan kepada kengkawan..!! tapi hari ini aku diam..aku tenang..aku biar...sebab aku letih ...aku penat..) ESOK episod baru...LUpakan saja today!!

apa saya rasa...

KORANG PERNAH RASA SAKIT SAMPAI MO PITAM KAH???

Aku lumpuh!!

Pernah kah korang rasa marah dan sakit sangat sampai tidak dapat berpikiran waras....

itu saja dalam fikiran..! tadi masa meeting pun i cannot concerntrate...!! macam rasa mo tumbuk2, ketuk-2, blasah pun ada....mau catat minit pun tia dapat....lepas saja meeting habis...!! aku ambil kunci kereta and chow...

tadi aku drove in a rage..penuh kemarahan this time i gotta do something..!! tidak akan berulang lagi..!! dia buat hal lagi..!!kali ni once and for all...kena ajar sikit lah...tidak boleh macam ni...nanti aku pulak yang susah..!! org yang kasi sakit hati kita mesti kasi beres kan ...nanti dia buat lagi..!! last month dia sudah buat hal...hari ni pun buat hal..!! tension aku...!!!

tapi semua nya sudah beres sudah..aku pun sudah balik ofis..!setelah slow talk sama cucuk sini cucuk sana..!! semua nya sudah ok tapi ok sikit...cuma kebas-2.. biasa lah masih terkejut kan..!!
all this commotion sebenarnya kerana....

sakit gigi ku datang balik ...demn...i can't fee half my face and tongue..!! setelah cucuk2 6 cucuk bius...and drill sini drill sana..!! then tampal-2 aku rasa ok sikit..but the only thing is aku rasa aku macam lumpuh..minum air pun tidak dapat...cakap pun tidak lancar!!

k lah ..mungkin effect bius kot otak aku pun biul..! so talk to ya all later...

My MOM the BEST CREATURE on EARTH...

Mother's daY is here...!! Can't say more or less to make my mother don't want me!! she is stuck with me and I am stuck with her...!!( i am saying this in a good way..)

My MOM...

I use to think that she was a witch when i was small... ( ini sebab nampak dia saja pegang rotan..atau hanger dkt pintu..marah saja..this that cannot....) macam singa saja...selalu macam ada perasaan benci...!!

tp as i grew older...bigger...i realise my mom is :

She is someone that is quite..penuh kelembutan...gentle that is...

She is someone who has sacrifice lot's for her husband...her kids...

someone you can count on on listening to ur problem...listenning to ur complain...

someone who gives advices that you need...I always remember this one thing she always say...Bila kawin...jgn argue sangat and selalu kena sabar husband...(cheh macam aku ni dah kahwin) but as i grew older and mula memahami and memerhati...when i look at my mom ..she is always the person behind my dad...dalam apa saja he buat she agrees..even sometimes she doesn't really...!!this i respect of my mom..!!

she is also one hell of a great cook..!!

A great tukang urut juga....







and i know she is the one yang kuat doa utk family dia...!! utk anak2 dia yang hampeh2...:P i know she pray each day that we all will be safe and sound...


To my mom : Macam lah dia baca

I know i always made you worry...by doing stuff yang crazie2...kawan2 yang sama crazy...no offends guys..!i cannot promise that i will be a better person and become someone yang important dalam dunia ini..but one thing i promise is that i will always remember my mom as the Best and MARVELOUSE CREATURE that GOD has created to carry me in her for 9 months and gave her great pain to bring me out to this world...nothing that i can do that i can repay you for things that you have done..thank you BAT GIRL....HAPPY MOTHERSDAY!!!