Hoping for the best....

finally got a chance to take your's truly in my latest favorite costume....

Can i just skip work today.....SIMPLY!

Waking up after the 4th snooze of my phone alarm today....and today is really not a good day to mess with me ..!! i wish i can just sleep in today and not doing anything accept waking up to eat and go toilet....!! but oh well reality is never fun to face....! i just simply wish that going to work was fun...maybe i should have a fancy dress day in my office...(Definitely will NOT happen in my work place......) people here are simply busy doing nothing....gossiping ...talking bad about anybody anything anyone!!! and simply too busy to just say hi.....! if you're thinking why am i even blogging instead of working ...I am just not in the mood to work...but will go full blast after this....!

I am sitting in a boring viva and after this I will be going for my treatment...treatment time somehow is my time off time...that I can relax....

my little elephant.....

 miss elephant gone window shopping....

 

this was what strive me to wake up early this morning....

life of a little bug...

i just put my little niece to sleep...as i held her and pat her to sleep...i suddenly realise how precious life is...how we often seek comfort in the hands of people we trust....how we long to be craddle when things happen...and how we long to hear a soft voice saying everythings gonna be alright... i think the meaning of life is what we will never understand...when things are fun and exciting we just just wanna rejoice...but when things are to the down fall and sucks we just feel like ending it now that very second.... but being able to walk thru life seasons one after another takes courage and preseverence...as i sat on the bed with this little warm body....i do have a sad feeling that one day she will too feel the flow of life...of being sad....of being heart broken into pieces...of feeling the unfairness of life...the current of being in a world full of crap...!  but i realise that these feelings will be the stepping stone of one being able to survive..being able to be strong...being able to be more mature...i am not saying that life to me really sucks all the time...i am still learning to take life as it is...and i rather think when life takes you to the deepest valley there is where you learn to appreciate the sun the moon and everything that exist around you...

i am thankfull that when you are at the peak or the top of life...and sometimes things just crashes down....on the way down you realise what you've been missing...and who your true friends are...or even though at times you just can;t stand some people....

as i sat there too i did say a prayer that God would protect this little life ...and as she grow up..He will always be the place that she will find comfort...and when life is uncertain ...she will know that He is the one who holds the future...and all things are possible in Him...

life life life...i wish it was as simple as  a life of a little bug....

Feeling sexy in a Hospital Gown....

Yesterday i had another round of treatment again...this time i had to wear a hospital gown...i couldn't take any pics with me in it cos i took so long to figure out how to wear it hehehe....and after that they strap all the wires on me so just couldn;t move to get my phone...(too bad)

while I was lying helplessly face down with all the wires hook up to my body...and feeling sexy in the hospital gown...(if you guys don't how it look like it's the type you slip in from the front and back is only closed by Velcro....(but I was given a short pants too k) now I know how it feels when people say it gives you a chilly feeling...aircon on...the nurse was kind enough to off the lights... I was thinking it must be hard for people who have serious sickness...it must be scary lying there helpless...

my heart goes out to these people...I don't feel your pain but I feel the feeling...as I lay there I could feel that my eyes were filled with tears ....the coldness of the aircon...and you can even hear the humming of the aircon....the beeping of the machines....indeed when you survive a day of treatment you are the BEST...!! you are Great...!!Stay strong....
people who haven't gone through feelings like these..will never know how it is....

I am bless to be able to have a change to learn new things as I go for treatment now and then....I am bless to be taught to love your body more and take life as it is you last days....enjoy more...love more...see more things...ignore "weird" people...eat more (:P)....rest more...!! learn to not let people stomp on you....learn not to let people take advantage on you....and # learn to drive less hahahhaa....

lifenotes: Living the life of your dreams isn't impossible it's just how you dream it and how realistic is it...!!in my dreams I wanna be a rockstar!! but I can't sing!!

Watching your back...

have you ever got the feeling that people do watch your back? watching your back sometimes meaning people take care of you...and always being there for you...

recently i had an episode...being in a place foreign to me...waiting and just waiting..and when i look around there wasn't anyone familiar to me...and that made me uneasy...but after 30 minutes..suddenly i saw someone from behind...just looking at someone familiar from behind suddenly made my heart at ease....
sometimes without really realising what we do what we say...how we react affects peoples life deeply...
just a simple smile a simple hello or even a simple message saying : Hey..everythings gonna be alright...recently one after another ...things happened...made me think..Mannnnnnnn..whats wrong with this life!!...and sometimes when you are so engross with the things your facing...without realising it ...it takes you down...sometimes when i say i wish i was flying away..i really meant it...but then i just realise...sometimes or maybe most of the times everything is going to be hard.....and sometimes things happened and we feel like crap...but there are times that will lift our spirit up...
had a long conversation with a friend last nite...and i realise that sometimes without realising what we do or say will touch or even give people strength....and when you really feel like giving up there's just a simple person or thing that will make you work harder...see life in a different way...
but i also realise that sometimes without knowing it...we do hurt people too...no doubt...without realising we make people feel down....i got to admit that when i am  feeling the pain and is down...i hate hate hate...people who don't realise how down that feelin is...but can't blame them too..cos i got a pretty cool face....hahhahaha....!! but theseeee feelings make me more mature into how people might feel when they're in the same spot...watching someones back sometimes is just enough to watch from a far and just say a simple prayer...watching someones back may also be just enough to be inspired....that broad shoulder that we're seeing might just be full of burdens...we won't know...and .we will never understand...
just watching...

just watching ones life being change....

a child growing up...learning to do things...being frustrated not able to do a simple task

a Dr..running here and there attending patients...and making them feel better....

a friend trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her life....travelling? New Job? New plans?

a guy trying to figure out why life is hard...and why can't he get the girl he want...

a boss...having the whole world waiting for you to make decisions....

a cousin planning her wedding despite things happening not as she wanted....

a family member fighting for her life....

a person with a heart for missions....travelling to a foreign country with a new language to learn...

by just watching....watching helplessly...and in silence... makes my heart going all over....and makes me realise that...God is...and has been always.... watching my back...watching me doing things that's wrong...watching me taking the wrong U turn...watching me making wrong decisions....but still...He loves me...

although there are things i don't understand why i have to go through...but i know my back is being watch...being able to climb a mountain...or being able to do a simple thing as walking..sitting...will be like heaven to me now a days....so i am glad to have my back watch...and i learn to love myself more...being able not to do things as usual make me realise how great it is to be look after for a change...and i am Thankful to the good Lord for making me realise that....


Heartnote: sometimes it's ok to feel sorry for yourself..and let others do things for you...but it's sad to be helpless 

The Very Monday Morning BLues...!

Had trouble waking up this morning....

and had even more trouble driving to work this morning....my hips and right leg had a twitching sharp pain ....had to stop ...not sure what's up..but will get it check tomorrow when I go for my treatment....

started the morning badly today...suddently my nose was runny....and I am normally nice in the morning but today had a student who came to see me and all I wanted to do was to shout at her....there goes my mood for the rest of the day....

so I am just gonna hibernate in my office today before I ruin my whole day being angry....!!

to the Unknown....

at times there's bound to be a feeling deep inside that is unknown...believing the unknown...hoping for the unknown...wanting the unknown....

sometimes when people clap we clap....

people laugh we laugh too...

people have and we want to have too....

without knowing...are things really what we want....are things really what we desire to do....there are things that I want to do ....but can't seem to do because sometimes it's taking what the people around  you in account...it's all about letting things go because it makes people around you happy...and I really respect those who have really extreme power to let people let go on what they really want to do...( I don't really understand what I am typing right now either if what ever your thinking when you read this post hehehhe)

there are things that I wanna do so much right now...
1.Fly somewhere new...
2.Being with people so full of love and energy...and maybe being pampered
3.Bungee Jumping
4.smile or even laugh at the simples joke or thing...
5.Having a nice long conversation with someone without interference of anything
6.Just Cry for an hour....

....
this month has been hard...being in pain...struggling financially to keep up with everything...striving hard to survive at work...thinking about the upcoming PRU13 (yes it does really bothers me sometimes)

I think I need a helmet of life...I need to restore the feeling of being safe...of being able to believe that Life is OK...!! Learn to let go and Let HIM...!!

I am thinking of travelling to somewhere without needing to think for anyone...somewhere and doing something good for once...!perhaps going backpacking to somewhere where i'll meet people that can change my life....can make me see life again...!!

Feeling under the weather...

had a full day today....

was told off by my Dr today saying that I was making my back worst because of sitting too much...but I kinda know why....had a very full week...a stressful one....and maybe was a little too tired during the weekend...and did a little too much of driving  too during the weekend...

feelin like crap this moment and really wish everything would just banished....

can't sit too long....

can't stand too long...

can't drive too long....

can't walk can't run...

what the heck!!!...what am I suppose to do then....????

just wishing I was flying away somewhere ...but oh well money is not like dust on my table that you don't need to do a thing it would come...!! kinda stress out cos these treatments seems to be burning a big big hole in my pocket...!!

mau hidup pun sudah ....mau mati lagi susah....!! jadi????

Date a girl who travels...

http://lifeandjourneys.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/date-a-girl-who-travels/

after reading this somehow made me wanna cry....a friend posted on my FB and hmm...got myself realizing how much I missed travelling so much....I love the smell of being in the airport...the feeling of nervousness when at the border or at the immigration counter (even when you know you did nothing wrong)...the feeling of endlessly waiting to catch the next flight to a another destination just sitting looking at people...the feeling of waiting to board the plane and fooling around about the culture of the place we are going...! the feeling of struggling to explain to the people we meet who seem to don't a clue of what we are saying and just replying yes ..yes..yes... I miss the feeling of being able to feel the different weather..may it be hot or cold....I miss the feeling of being able to wear like a freak cos no one would know me in that place...I miss the feeling of being able to see how the night life is like in a foreign country...and most of all I miss the feeling of being able to try out FOOD....!!

argggghhh... I miss those feelings....

Note of the heart: oh well everything have to wait...I have decided to take a break from travelling until I get my financial crisis sorted out...and until health premits to..!! hmm how I wish I was born rich...where I can just pack up during the weekends and just leave...!!

Life...the usual!

Life is as usual…what is usual..i don’t know too….

 

it's too normal that when something new comes along life would be tiring instead....

 

last weekend I realize that we had too much of food...the kaibigans I mean half of the kaibigans where together and we had Chinese,Mexican,Malay,Indian,sarawakian food just in 2 days...!

Israel Hougton and the New Breed...

It was the bestie's  Bday and she wanted to go for the concert very much...so decided to shout her the ticket...our first time going for a concert indoors....

thanks to mr google I got some tips on how to shoot pics under low light...and was rather happy about it...but too bad with a bad back ...I couldn't really join in the jumping and dancing hehehe...

overall the concert was awesome....the concert was well plan....and everything was smooth!!

 

#  Happy Birthday ME GLAMUS....!! Cheers for another awesome year...!

Back Cracking....

As I have written many times about my back hurting....I finally couldn't stand the pain and really when to see a specialist about it...this time I went to IMU Chiro... I was recommended by a prof at work to go check my back there....I search for the website and found out that they were doing this online discount for first threatment...

My back has been troubling me for a few years…I came to a point that I had trouble putting on my pants without feeling the pain…and I realize that every time I drove for long distance I will end up with a great sharp pain that I had always decide to ignore…and I have also always in pain when I have to seat in the movies…in long distance flight….!! Everytime I drove I can feel this numbness and sharp pain in my right leg,further more during runs…but people around me always think that I was always joking about the pain… 
To make the story short…I think IMU chiro clinic is a cool place and is full with nice people…and surprisingly it is not that expensive...the first meeting only cost me Rm38…but they do have package for treatment too. And it didn’t cost thousands….

I went to have my back bone x-rayed…and found out that I have a straight back bone…except for there was a  “chip” near a disc…other than that I am fine…they are still trying to figure out what is causing the sharp pain I am feeling….it might be the hip bone…but during one of the session I heard a loud “pop”…..

After going through a few times of treatment I have learned that it’s how you treat people around you when you work…your attitude towards work and people will change peoples life…. A simple gesture of concern, an extra mile to just smile and say hello does really matters when someone is in need…

And I realize that it’s ok to be in pain…it’s ok to admit that you’re in pain…though sometimes people won’t understand what you’re feeling…I have been suffering pain in my back so so long that it has become a part of me…and that is why when people asked me are you ok I would just say no sweat…so the moral of the story ..sometimes..things we do become a part of our life without us realizing it’s bothering us until we reach the wall…if I were to just ignore the pain forever  I wouldn’t know how serious things were…people around me wouldn’t know how hard it was for me to just do some simple2 things…

 

#Fact note : I found out too that I have a shorter right leg…!

pic was taken from internet