a few weeks ago i posted in my FB that i was missing my mom's kimchi....
last night the bro.came back and brought me a huge tub of kimchi from mom.....
even though it was a simple gesture but man....you don't know how much it pricked the heart....i could feel my tear ducs wanting to burst into floods of tears....i was really missing home this few days...and just wish i could just leave on the next plane home...maybe it's just the time of the month when all emotions rush by you..and you just simply feel life sucks....!!and you wish that you were someone else or somewhere else....so a simple tub of kimchi didn't help much to solve the worlds problem...but it showed how much a mom thinks of her child in a simple way...(looks like i will have a feast/rally of kimchi dishes for the whole month LOL)
Hearing news about what happened during the weekend...(got to admit i didn;t even know about a thing about the CLEAN!!...until someone buzz me on FB asking me if i was wearing a yellow shirt....and i didn't bother to even check why...!
oh well the earth will keep moving even if our heart stop...even if we decide to give up....even if we decide to friend or not friend a person in FB (hahaha wat a joke)...i learned that at the age i am...i couldn't be bothered with childish acts...and what happen around me doesn't make me happier so what the heck..(i know my attitude stinks...) oh well...this is life... you can't care about everything...!
Heartnote:sometimes it's nice living in a cocoon....
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
When you follow Him...
It is known that when you have decided to follow Him.. there is a price to pay...there is a high price that you need to know if you have decided to pick up the yoke...and He too paid a great price for us...was wandering of the phrase High Price..."orang kata ikut Dia ada harga yang tinggi perlu dibayar". not talking about money as physically....giving time,giving our total desire and thoughts to Him...
this few days i have been working my ass off (pardon my language) planning a seminar which is call a crashing aeroplane...!!i had to pick up from some geniuses who gave me 2 weeks with nothing!! and today is the day...!yesterday was havoc where nothing was right...but i knew the day would come when i would be push around and when the day had come i will push away...biasalah hidup ini begitu...i was so busy that i didn't have time to get upset...and something just click in my mind..Tiapa..semua ini bagi Dia..Do my best for Him and it'll be just fine...! as i got home last nite..i was thinking if being me doing my best...Do i have to slave around for those PEOPLE???who on the day would show up in front of big bosses that they did everything when they didn't do a thing???it came to a degree that i felt like what a unlucky dog i am born to a unknown family,born to a low race...born to country who despise ur religion!...(i know i know ..same kind of stupid question...i was asking God too if You want the best from me can i just not be working with people who threat me like rubbish...!still having no idea why...but at the end of the day i felt proud that i was able to do lot's myself...and achieve lots this few days..contacting people...talking to people...even getting scolded...but never mine it's all fine....
so even if i have to lower the price of myself to get things done...even to the point of begging...as long as i know i did my best...for Him ...i will be fine....! on and on this pain goes on in this place..but i will be fine..as long as i know...the best has yet to come...
handling this seminar...i found out how low people can be to get what they want...how low they can make themself when they are desperate....how they bow to people that they think will bring them up to higher places....when those big guns are just the same ...
and here is me...who only has one thing in my mind....Thank You Lord for this job which you give me to put food on my table....! (i am trying so hard to remind myself about this)
even if the even is today...i just leave it to Him...even if i get scolded when things go wrong...i know i have done well myself...i know i did everything the best....
being positive in thoughts does really helps..and it helps me to be sane even in the insane times...!
i might not be a Prof next time...neither might i ever be a Dato' i just want to stay a child of God always clinging to Him...that is what that matters...
heartnote:This world does not give us happiness...and eternal life...but He does!
this few days i have been working my ass off (pardon my language) planning a seminar which is call a crashing aeroplane...!!i had to pick up from some geniuses who gave me 2 weeks with nothing!! and today is the day...!yesterday was havoc where nothing was right...but i knew the day would come when i would be push around and when the day had come i will push away...biasalah hidup ini begitu...i was so busy that i didn't have time to get upset...and something just click in my mind..Tiapa..semua ini bagi Dia..Do my best for Him and it'll be just fine...! as i got home last nite..i was thinking if being me doing my best...Do i have to slave around for those PEOPLE???who on the day would show up in front of big bosses that they did everything when they didn't do a thing???it came to a degree that i felt like what a unlucky dog i am born to a unknown family,born to a low race...born to country who despise ur religion!...(i know i know ..same kind of stupid question...i was asking God too if You want the best from me can i just not be working with people who threat me like rubbish...!still having no idea why...but at the end of the day i felt proud that i was able to do lot's myself...and achieve lots this few days..contacting people...talking to people...even getting scolded...but never mine it's all fine....
so even if i have to lower the price of myself to get things done...even to the point of begging...as long as i know i did my best...for Him ...i will be fine....! on and on this pain goes on in this place..but i will be fine..as long as i know...the best has yet to come...
and here is me...who only has one thing in my mind....Thank You Lord for this job which you give me to put food on my table....! (i am trying so hard to remind myself about this)
even if the even is today...i just leave it to Him...even if i get scolded when things go wrong...i know i have done well myself...i know i did everything the best....
being positive in thoughts does really helps..and it helps me to be sane even in the insane times...!
i might not be a Prof next time...neither might i ever be a Dato' i just want to stay a child of God always clinging to Him...that is what that matters...
heartnote:This world does not give us happiness...and eternal life...but He does!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Climb...
after a whole weekend meeting and lepakking with long..long time friends...(don't want to use old)...suddenly driving to work this morning was really a weird feelin....!last weekend i felt like i was brought back in time to younger days...the carefree days....where you don't think to much...! and you just enjoy the days as it comes....oh man this feelin makes me realise that i am old!! LOL
hanging out with different batches of friends makes me realise how far life has gone....how far i have climb...and how far i have reached....
gone are the days where we couldn't care less of what time it was and still devoure foods in the early morning...not worrying about health....gone are the days where we can just go sleepless for days...not worrying about what comes tomorow...indeed we had all grew up...!some are fathers and mothers....some are executives....some have travelled the world...but one thing reminded me was we had gone thru so much together and sharpen each other along the way....
thanks guys for being my friends....!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Sad song with a happy beat...!
I suddenly have this crazy idea to write a song...(macam lah pandai) paling2 pun mungkin write lyrics lah....i was asking myself what type of song if i would to ever write...! i came across this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D0nLjYMYTw
actually suppose to be a sad song if you think about the lyrics..but it was given an upbeat melody and a catchy one too...
life should be like that kan?..now i know how the phrase if life give you lemons make lemonades out of it...when life is as low as it is....keep your mind on rising to the highest point....and it will make your heart jitters....! :P i am out to find what will make my heart jitters....what would make my heart beat faster....make heart feel better....
if you guys ever see superman attempt to fly....he doesn't leap and fly...he bends his knees and attempt to to fly...so i believe at the lowest of life...i should believe that everything would teach me to fly higher...
Lifenotes: Let's make the fullest use of what we have...life is not only about sad songs....but it is also about happy beats...when you are down and out...it's ok to stop and think...but please get well fast...cos this world has rainbows....!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D0nLjYMYTw
actually suppose to be a sad song if you think about the lyrics..but it was given an upbeat melody and a catchy one too...
life should be like that kan?..now i know how the phrase if life give you lemons make lemonades out of it...when life is as low as it is....keep your mind on rising to the highest point....and it will make your heart jitters....! :P i am out to find what will make my heart jitters....what would make my heart beat faster....make heart feel better....
if you guys ever see superman attempt to fly....he doesn't leap and fly...he bends his knees and attempt to to fly...so i believe at the lowest of life...i should believe that everything would teach me to fly higher...
Lifenotes: Let's make the fullest use of what we have...life is not only about sad songs....but it is also about happy beats...when you are down and out...it's ok to stop and think...but please get well fast...cos this world has rainbows....!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Death or Alive.....
this few days kept me thinking of it....wonder what would it be like to a person who is on a death bed...waiting for her or his time...and thinking of people especially children who are born sick and from child birth knows that their are destined to die at a young age because of their sickness...
and here i am always thinking that death would be one of the option to end this pityfull lifeless life...
but this life just gotta be more then this...!
always wondered how it is when you see your life passing by you in a second...
as i told you all after the shocking shake last wednesday...i did see my life pass by in a ziff...of how i was and how life is....and was even thinking oh noss there are lots of things i haven't done yet....!!! many people i haven't keep in touch with because of time constraint!!...and was guessing maybe this is what people go through when you see your life flash before you....
so the saying : live ur life as it is..really need much digestion...
recently i was reminded of the verse John 3:30 He must become greater and I must become less...
indeed when there is a time in yourlife that you feel that ur problem is greater then life...and when there are things that you feel that your life is in "control"...there is a reminder that we have to return to basic...is to let Him be in control of everything....
I have doubts in life that i am doing the right things with my life...but i must learn to let go and let Him...!
Death or Alive....it's not for us to choose!..
and here i am always thinking that death would be one of the option to end this pityfull lifeless life...
but this life just gotta be more then this...!
as i told you all after the shocking shake last wednesday...i did see my life pass by in a ziff...of how i was and how life is....and was even thinking oh noss there are lots of things i haven't done yet....!!! many people i haven't keep in touch with because of time constraint!!...and was guessing maybe this is what people go through when you see your life flash before you....
so the saying : live ur life as it is..really need much digestion...
recently i was reminded of the verse John 3:30 He must become greater and I must become less...
indeed when there is a time in yourlife that you feel that ur problem is greater then life...and when there are things that you feel that your life is in "control"...there is a reminder that we have to return to basic...is to let Him be in control of everything....
I have doubts in life that i am doing the right things with my life...but i must learn to let go and let Him...!
Death or Alive....it's not for us to choose!..
Friday, April 13, 2012
Dreams...
Are you having dreams? LOL...
weird prayer this few days...hope that everybody will have dreams to awaken them!....
Heartnote: Banyak perkara yang mungkin kita tidak akan paham...tapi Byk perkara yg akan kita lalui utk membuat kita kuat dlm Dia bila kita berharap pada Dia
weird prayer this few days...hope that everybody will have dreams to awaken them!....
Heartnote: Banyak perkara yang mungkin kita tidak akan paham...tapi Byk perkara yg akan kita lalui utk membuat kita kuat dlm Dia bila kita berharap pada Dia
Thursday, April 12, 2012
The day my ground shook..!!
as you all heard that yesterday there was an earth-quake somewhere in Sumatra...
this was not the first time i felt the apartment shaking....but this was the longest....and got to admit if i tell you that i was not scared that was a totall lie...i stood up and all i could think of was...Pray...!!
no doubt in my mind...is this the way i am suppose to die??...funny thing was...after the shaking all i could think off was...to take a bath first...supaya harum2 jumpa my Maker!!! wakakaka...!!!weird!!
people came out of the apartments...and i went down only after my bath...!! SOT!!...
the moral of the story...sometimes God permits our ground to be shaken to remind us....this few weeks...even months...my ground had been shaken that it caused an "earthquake" in my life....and it was enough to shake the daylights out of me....many wild wild thoughts came in mind....!sometimes how our brain plays with us...there are even times that you just feel that it's better of dead then alive...!
when your thoughts has gone until the extreme of thinking that death is better then living....i think it's really time to really let go and hang on to something that will give you hope....my thoughts was already to the extreme.. and i am thankfull that deep in me what i have learn gave me the will to bounce back....this was the verse that i am thankfull when i was in sunday school that i was force to memorise...!
A psalm of David
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
and this too was what i was reminded that what i should put my trust into....i am not saying that i am ok already...but when there's no way...there's only ONE way to go....is to go and hang on to Him....i realise that i have no where to go...!
to hint to those who are asking what the heck am i talking about: the feeling of being an adopted child in your own country is getting on my nerve.... sekian terima kasih !
so to You i put my trust... and i know this road i am taking my not be smooth..but please get me there where i am suppose to go!! i am sorry that You had to shake me before i realise everything!
Heartnote:Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil,for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
this was not the first time i felt the apartment shaking....but this was the longest....and got to admit if i tell you that i was not scared that was a totall lie...i stood up and all i could think of was...Pray...!!
no doubt in my mind...is this the way i am suppose to die??...funny thing was...after the shaking all i could think off was...to take a bath first...supaya harum2 jumpa my Maker!!! wakakaka...!!!weird!!
people came out of the apartments...and i went down only after my bath...!! SOT!!...
the moral of the story...sometimes God permits our ground to be shaken to remind us....this few weeks...even months...my ground had been shaken that it caused an "earthquake" in my life....and it was enough to shake the daylights out of me....many wild wild thoughts came in mind....!sometimes how our brain plays with us...there are even times that you just feel that it's better of dead then alive...!
when your thoughts has gone until the extreme of thinking that death is better then living....i think it's really time to really let go and hang on to something that will give you hope....my thoughts was already to the extreme.. and i am thankfull that deep in me what i have learn gave me the will to bounce back....this was the verse that i am thankfull when i was in sunday school that i was force to memorise...!
A psalm of David
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
and this too was what i was reminded that what i should put my trust into....i am not saying that i am ok already...but when there's no way...there's only ONE way to go....is to go and hang on to Him....i realise that i have no where to go...!
to hint to those who are asking what the heck am i talking about: the feeling of being an adopted child in your own country is getting on my nerve.... sekian terima kasih !
so to You i put my trust... and i know this road i am taking my not be smooth..but please get me there where i am suppose to go!! i am sorry that You had to shake me before i realise everything!
Heartnote:Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil,for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Monday, April 9, 2012
trying to get back into the race...
it's hard to make a comeback on something that you use to love to do...it's just like a marathon race....when you use to like to just run and run and run...and because of injury..or circumtances you seem to stop...at first you walk...then you stop...and then it will be like stagnant water....and then the feelin of wanting to have nothing to do with the race kicks in...
after a long2 wonder around...you tend to go to the side lines and look at people running the marathon...memories kick in...and you would like to run again...
it has been quite sometime now since i was back in track running my own race...trying to do my own thing..my way...but this few month i came to realise that i can't carry on without He who is there to coach me..to guide me...
and after some dificult things this past few weeks...i decided that i just had to lean on Him a 100% 24 hours of my life...and once again wanting to start to run again...but the fear of failling kicks in..the fear of being hurt again comes in too...but i just have to put my utmost trust in Him again...
after a long2 time that i wanted to join the sunrise service i finnaly did...and the service was so simple yet it impacted so strongly...i was amaze by the faith they had by doing an open air service ...but the weather was perfect..and the sunrise was a perfect one...if you notice the last pic..there wasn't any sunrise in the banner..but that was a reflecting of the sunrise thru the pillars behind...and it cause the effect of a sun rise on the better...!what perfect timing and perfect place to hang the banner!!..(that was enuff to amaze me)
Our God is an awesome God...even if the whole world is againts you..He will protect you...!
p/s Do continue to pray for me as i recommit myself to run the race again...
Heartnote: ini perasaan semacam jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama all over again...!
after a long2 wonder around...you tend to go to the side lines and look at people running the marathon...memories kick in...and you would like to run again...
it has been quite sometime now since i was back in track running my own race...trying to do my own thing..my way...but this few month i came to realise that i can't carry on without He who is there to coach me..to guide me...
and after some dificult things this past few weeks...i decided that i just had to lean on Him a 100% 24 hours of my life...and once again wanting to start to run again...but the fear of failling kicks in..the fear of being hurt again comes in too...but i just have to put my utmost trust in Him again...
after a long2 time that i wanted to join the sunrise service i finnaly did...and the service was so simple yet it impacted so strongly...i was amaze by the faith they had by doing an open air service ...but the weather was perfect..and the sunrise was a perfect one...if you notice the last pic..there wasn't any sunrise in the banner..but that was a reflecting of the sunrise thru the pillars behind...and it cause the effect of a sun rise on the better...!what perfect timing and perfect place to hang the banner!!..(that was enuff to amaze me)
Our God is an awesome God...even if the whole world is againts you..He will protect you...!
p/s Do continue to pray for me as i recommit myself to run the race again...
Heartnote: ini perasaan semacam jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama all over again...!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
waking up the Giant of Malaysia...
got to admit i am feeling like a step child in my own country lately....and contemplating to leave this country because of the unfairness that i am feeling..
in the midst of the awefull feeling...i woke up in the middle of the night today to this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwl7MEjei70&feature=related
i am still watching the first episode....and is really thrill to share it with you all....
let's watch it together k...in hoping at the end of the sermon that my heart will give a different beat towards how i feel of this place...
heartnote:bila hati sudah kecewa...hati kena berubah mencari tujuan yang sebenar....
in the midst of the awefull feeling...i woke up in the middle of the night today to this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwl7MEjei70&feature=related
i am still watching the first episode....and is really thrill to share it with you all....
let's watch it together k...in hoping at the end of the sermon that my heart will give a different beat towards how i feel of this place...
heartnote:bila hati sudah kecewa...hati kena berubah mencari tujuan yang sebenar....
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Thank You...
sometimes there are days that you realise that you cannot live alone....
being alone facing some things are just a pathetic feeling...
i woke up this morning with the feeling of something is just not right...so i decided to browse through my handphone to message people i know that will definately be by my side when i need them...
a simple asking for help was all i need..
didn't need more ...but just a simple prayer to get through today....
as i had a feeling that today i just feel not right....!
this is the day i will admit i am not fine....
and the day i admit that i am not strong in situations like this....
THANK YOU guys...for just sticking by my "side"
even if it's not physicaly by my side...
but thank you for praying with me....
thanks...
GOMAWO
Heartnote:
Monday, April 2, 2012
Quarter miles gone!
can you believe it it's April already!!!!.....
i still notice that i have been putting off my new years resolution....!! and it's already a quarter miles in the year of 2012....yikes....!! someone please press the pause button!!!!.....
sometimes i really think that the boat i am on is sinking slowly.....sinking and almost drowning...when i wake up everyday..it'll be oh o....it's monday again?????...! talk about life drifting away unrealize....!
but oh well...looking at the time....! atleast i am at one step ahead of last year (I REALLY HOPE SO...!!!)atleast i manage to keep the scale down...:P
i have been listening to a song of vanness....which starts with a prayer...Thank you Lord for today...and for tomorrow....! (i don't really know the title of the song cos it's in Chinesse LOL) and that is what i always do now a days...! to start my day...thanking Him for today and also tomorrow and also yesterday...whatever it is...giving thanks does really help you though the day...
i kinda thing that this life i am in kinda suck....but well i can't deny it...so i have to just live as it is....try to motivate myself to just do well in what i am doing....i am trying to plan my game plan for another 3/4 of this year....yesterday i watch some korean actors and comedian giving motivation to Uni leavers....and they kinda touch me too...! as far as you can....as fast as you can...just runnnnnnnnnn!!!.. and don't give up...if you don't succeed..atleast you tried....!and as long as you are still leaving just try again...!i have some plans for this year that i think i will try once and for all...it's ok if i don't succeed...atleast i tried.....if i succeed JACKPOT!!!!...LOL
i saw these pics...and it touch me...and give me the sense of goin on...striving on...it's of my nephew and niece that i won't want them to see their aunty as someone that fail in her life!
Heartnote:as long as you are still breathing that is how long you will try hard to carry on with life!
i still notice that i have been putting off my new years resolution....!! and it's already a quarter miles in the year of 2012....yikes....!! someone please press the pause button!!!!.....
sometimes i really think that the boat i am on is sinking slowly.....sinking and almost drowning...when i wake up everyday..it'll be oh o....it's monday again?????...! talk about life drifting away unrealize....!
but oh well...looking at the time....! atleast i am at one step ahead of last year (I REALLY HOPE SO...!!!)atleast i manage to keep the scale down...:P
i have been listening to a song of vanness....which starts with a prayer...Thank you Lord for today...and for tomorrow....! (i don't really know the title of the song cos it's in Chinesse LOL) and that is what i always do now a days...! to start my day...thanking Him for today and also tomorrow and also yesterday...whatever it is...giving thanks does really help you though the day...
i kinda thing that this life i am in kinda suck....but well i can't deny it...so i have to just live as it is....try to motivate myself to just do well in what i am doing....i am trying to plan my game plan for another 3/4 of this year....yesterday i watch some korean actors and comedian giving motivation to Uni leavers....and they kinda touch me too...! as far as you can....as fast as you can...just runnnnnnnnnn!!!.. and don't give up...if you don't succeed..atleast you tried....!and as long as you are still leaving just try again...!i have some plans for this year that i think i will try once and for all...it's ok if i don't succeed...atleast i tried.....if i succeed JACKPOT!!!!...LOL
i saw these pics...and it touch me...and give me the sense of goin on...striving on...it's of my nephew and niece that i won't want them to see their aunty as someone that fail in her life!
his master piece...i think he would turn out to be a fine boy...or a fine writer...!
She melts my heart!!...
Heartnote:as long as you are still breathing that is how long you will try hard to carry on with life!
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