medicine for the missing heart...

a few weeks ago i posted in my FB that i was missing my mom's kimchi....

last night the bro.came back and brought me a huge tub of kimchi from mom.....

even though it was a simple gesture but man....you don't know how much it pricked the heart....i could feel my tear ducs wanting to burst into floods of tears....i was really missing home this few days...and just wish i could just leave on the next plane home...maybe it's  just the time of the month when all emotions rush by you..and you just simply feel life sucks....!!and you wish that you were someone else or somewhere else....so a simple tub of kimchi didn't help much to solve the worlds problem...but it showed how much a mom thinks of her child in a simple way...(looks like i will have a feast/rally of kimchi dishes for the whole month LOL)

Hearing news about what happened during the weekend...(got to admit i didn;t even know about a thing about the CLEAN!!...until someone buzz me on FB asking me if i was wearing a yellow shirt....and i didn't bother to even check why...!

oh well the earth will keep moving even if our heart stop...even if we decide to give up....even if we decide to friend or not friend a person in FB (hahaha wat a joke)...i learned that at the age i am...i couldn't be bothered with childish acts...and what happen around me doesn't make me happier so what the heck..(i know my attitude stinks...) oh well...this is life... you can't care about everything...!



Heartnote:sometimes it's nice living in a cocoon....

When you follow Him...

It is known that when you have decided to follow Him.. there is a price to pay...there is a high price that you need to know if you have decided to pick up the yoke...and He too paid a great price for us...was wandering of the phrase High Price..."orang kata ikut Dia ada harga yang tinggi perlu dibayar". not talking about money as physically....giving time,giving our total desire and thoughts to Him...

this few days i have been working my ass off (pardon my language) planning a seminar which is call a crashing aeroplane...!!i had to pick up from some geniuses who gave me 2 weeks with nothing!! and today is the day...!yesterday was havoc where nothing was right...but i knew the day would come when i would be push around and when the day had come i will push away...biasalah hidup ini begitu...i was so busy that i didn't have time to get upset...and something just click in my mind..Tiapa..semua ini bagi Dia..Do my best for Him and it'll be just fine...! as i got home last nite..i was thinking if being me doing my best...Do i have to slave around for those PEOPLE???who on the day would show up in front of big bosses that they did everything when they didn't do a thing???it came to a degree that i felt like what a unlucky dog i am born to a unknown family,born to a low race...born to country who despise ur religion!...(i know i know ..same kind of stupid question...i was asking God too if You want the best from me can i just not be working with people who threat me like rubbish...!still having no idea why...but at the end of the day i felt proud that i was able to do lot's myself...and achieve lots this few  days..contacting people...talking to people...even getting scolded...but never mine it's all fine....
so even if i have to lower the price of myself to get things done...even to the point of begging...as long as i know i did my best...for Him ...i will be fine....! on and on this pain goes on in this place..but i will be fine..as long as i know...the best has yet to come...

handling this seminar...i found out how low people can be to get what they want...how low they can make themself when they are desperate....how they bow to people that they think will bring them up to higher places....when those big guns are just the same ...

and here is me...who only has one thing in my mind....Thank You Lord for this job which you give me to put food on my table....! (i am trying so hard to remind myself about this)

even if the even is today...i just leave it to Him...even if i get scolded when things go wrong...i know i have done well myself...i know i did everything the best....

being positive in thoughts does really helps..and it helps me to be sane even in the insane times...!
i might not be a Prof next time...neither might i  ever be a Dato'  i just want to stay a child of God always clinging to Him...that is what that matters...

heartnote:This world does not give us happiness...and eternal life...but He does!

Climb...

after a whole weekend meeting and lepakking with long..long time friends...(don't want to use old)...suddenly driving to work this morning was really a weird feelin....!last weekend i felt like i was brought back in time to younger days...the carefree days....where you don't think to much...! and you just enjoy the days as it comes....oh man this feelin makes me realise that i am old!! LOL
hanging out with different batches of friends makes me realise how far life has gone....how far i have climb...and  how far i have reached....
gone are the days where we couldn't care less of what time it was and still devoure foods in the early morning...not worrying about health....gone are the days where we can just go sleepless for days...not worrying about what comes tomorow...indeed we had all grew up...!some are fathers and mothers....some are executives....some have travelled the world...but one thing reminded me was we had gone thru so much together and sharpen each other along the way....

thanks guys for being my friends....!

Sad song with a happy beat...!

I suddenly have this crazy idea to write a song...(macam lah pandai) paling2 pun mungkin write lyrics lah....i was asking myself what type of song if i would to ever write...! i came across this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D0nLjYMYTw

actually suppose to be a sad song if you think about the lyrics..but it was given an upbeat melody and a catchy one too...

life should be like that kan?..now i know how the phrase if life give you lemons make lemonades out of it...when life is as low as it is....keep your mind on rising to the highest point....and it will make your heart jitters....! :P i am out to find what will make my heart jitters....what would make my heart beat faster....make heart feel better....

if you guys ever see superman attempt to fly....he doesn't leap and fly...he bends his knees and attempt to to fly...so i believe at the lowest of life...i should believe that everything would teach me to fly higher...

Lifenotes: Let's make the fullest use of what we have...life is not only about sad songs....but it is also about happy beats...when you are down and out...it's ok to stop and think...but please get well fast...cos this world has rainbows....!

Death or Alive.....

this few days kept me thinking of it....wonder what would it be like to a person who is on a death bed...waiting for her or his time...and thinking of people especially children who are born sick and from child birth knows that their are destined to die at a young age because of their sickness...
and here i am always thinking that death would be one of the option to end this pityfull lifeless life...

but this life just gotta be more then this...!

always wondered how it is when you see your life passing by you in a second...

as i told you all after the shocking shake last wednesday...i did see my life pass by in a ziff...of how i was and how life is....and was even thinking oh noss there are lots of things i haven't done yet....!!! many people i haven't keep in touch with because of time constraint!!...and was guessing maybe this is what people go through when you see your life flash before you....

so the saying : live ur life as it is..really need much digestion...

recently i was reminded of the verse John 3:30 He must become greater and I must become less...
indeed when there is a time in yourlife that you feel that ur problem is greater then life...and when there are things that you feel that your life is in "control"...there is a reminder that we have to return to basic...is to let Him be in control of everything....

I have doubts in life that i am doing the right things with my life...but i must learn to let go and let Him...!

Death or Alive....it's not for us to choose!..

Dreams...

Are you having dreams? LOL...

weird prayer this few days...hope that everybody will have dreams to awaken them!....

Heartnote: Banyak perkara yang mungkin kita tidak akan paham...tapi Byk perkara yg akan kita lalui utk membuat kita kuat dlm Dia bila kita berharap pada Dia

The day my ground shook..!!

as you all heard that yesterday there was an earth-quake somewhere in Sumatra...

this was not the first time i felt the apartment shaking....but this was the longest....and got to admit if i tell you that i was not scared that was a totall lie...i stood up and all i could think of was...Pray...!!
no doubt in my mind...is this the way i am suppose to die??...funny thing was...after the shaking all i could think off was...to take a bath first...supaya harum2 jumpa my Maker!!! wakakaka...!!!weird!!
people came out of the apartments...and i went down only after my bath...!! SOT!!...

the moral of the story...sometimes God permits our ground to be shaken to remind us....this few weeks...even months...my ground had been shaken that it caused an "earthquake" in my life....and it was enough to shake the daylights out of me....many wild wild thoughts came in mind....!sometimes how our brain plays with us...there are even times that you just feel that it's better of dead then alive...!

when your thoughts has gone until the extreme of thinking that death is better then living....i think it's really time to really let go and hang on to something that will give you hope....my thoughts was already to the extreme.. and i am thankfull that deep in me what i have learn gave me the will to bounce back....this was the verse that i am thankfull when i was in sunday school that i was force to memorise...!


A psalm of David

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

and this too was what i was reminded that what i should put my trust into....i am not saying that i am ok already...but when there's no way...there's only ONE way to go....is to go and hang on to Him....i realise that i have no where to go...!

to hint to those who are asking what the heck am i talking about: the feeling of being an adopted child in your own country is getting on my nerve.... sekian terima kasih !

so to You i put my trust... and i know this road i am taking my not be smooth..but please get me there where i am suppose to go!! i am sorry that You had to shake me before i realise everything!

Heartnote:Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil,for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.