When life passes by....

As life passes by day by day....sometimes when we look at peoples achievements, got to admit we can't help it but to feel a tad of enviness in our heart....

but without realising what we have achieve by ourselves may be more then what some people have....recently in church i was reminded my the story of the 10 that was healed and 1 that came back and the 9 that was gone....all 10 were healed....but only one came back to thank Jesus....but the 9 were still healed...!! eventhough they didn't come back they were still healed....but the one that came back had fellowship with Him ....that was what the 9 missed.....

as life passes by...no matter how far we run...we will be blessed..no matter how far we are drifted away...God still loves us...and He GREATNESS wouldn't be less...but we are the one who missed out on the fellowship!!

i was hit on the head by the message that caught me unprepared....nothing i could do to cause God to love me more...cause He loves me more then ever, then what i can imagine....!

Recently after a long long time that i realize that how wonderful a sunset .... after a long long time i realise that it had been too long since i was with friends that made me not know how to joke...seems that i have forgotten how to have little petty conversation...made me forget how to enjoy life and be jolly...made me forget how to smile and brush things off...made me forget how to be thank full.....made me forget how to just let life be as it is....made me forget how to have fun....!! how to enjoy the fellowship with HIM ....

Lord...how great YOU are ...that You are the cup that never run dry....and i missed the time that i can say I am having the best time of my life!!!!

Feeling Outdated when Updated...

Last night after a long long time, I finally had time to spare for dinner with some friends...it has been a while...

the day started great...was a stress free one because the bosses are all away....and the students are on holiday...

but it was tarnished because of one wrong decision...(that's what I think...) but unfortunately because I had to follow the books...a phD student failed .... now I know who it feels when a patient dies in an OT....my fullest respect to surgeons out there...!! you guys have great hearts....!! when everyone said they wanted to postpone and I had to say just proceed...! and the student failed!!! haish.....!! it was like all the specialist were saying don't operate on the patient... and I had to be the one who say proceed and the patient dies....!!! aiyooo! ( hati tak sedap la!)

but oh well just went with the flow and had dinner with the friends...! after chit chatting I realize I was so outdated on various news...that when I asked myself where have I been??? I asked myself too...was this envyness in me?? but I wasn't feeling bitter or any sort...I was just surprise... oh well the earth will still circle the sun everyday...but I was just happy some friends are doing what they want to do and love to do...I wish I could do that too... but oh well there just ups and downs in life that everyone has to face...after discussing stuffs.. I came to find out that the definition of going on a holiday to me has change...I really want a nice and quite vacation....just wanna sleep in and enjoy my free time...I could see that eyes where staring at me when I said that...guess I am just tired of the life I am living right now...the journey is just too tiring to catch up and I am dying for a slow and just enjoying holiday....

I was being ask of what I want for my birthday this year...I just want  a quite and restful day...as I was driving home alone last night...I suddenly enjoyed the alone time driving round the city....I was alive again I thought to myself...! I don't know why but I would think just spending my time  sitting somewhere and staring at the sea or staring at the stars would be the best thing that I can think off right now....I must be getting old....

this morning as I was sending my nephew to school ...I love the little conversation we have on the way to school....can't deny this little boy thought me a lot about life.....

.I was asking him what he does with his pocket money...he said he bought RM1 keropok lekor...he is given RM2 a day for school...then I ask him how about the other RM1 he said his bff... was thirsty and he bought him a drink....! I ask did he shared it with you ...he replied: It's cheap only RM1 and I have my ribena anyways....tskk tskk tskk...I told him once in a while ok but not everyday you can spend your BFF...he asked me why??I said everyday RM 1, a month would be almost RM30...that's too much...he just sigh and we were silent the whole way...

but as I finish saying that....what is RM1 ...if it makes your BFF happy....I hope this young boy will grow up well ...and be strong as he live his life ...as he walk his path on the journey of life...life would be kind to him ...and at a young age he learn about giving...


heartnote: Just tired of life in a fast track....I just need some slowing down to do.....

What do you want ?

as I was sending my nephew to school this morning..we were having  a conversation and he was saying December is the best month of the whole year  because it was his Birthday month....! I ask him what he wanted for his birthday...i said A. Clothes B. Toys  C. Books D. Money   He look at me and said New CLOTHES!!!!... I ask him back are you sure...then he paused...and said...ok TOYS.. GODZILLA....and etc etc....he wanted toys....SIMPLE...!!

As I ask myself what I really want for MY Birthday...

I remembered what I wanted for life...

when I was young I wanted stuffs ...basic stuffs...a stamp album....a pencil box... board games...but when I grew older I started to think about life...what I wanted to do when I grew up....the one I most remembered was...I wanted to learn to drive...!! I wanted to go to KL to study...!!

for the number one..i wanted so much to learn to drive  because I adored my sunday school driver...and thought that the uncles driving us to church was great!!!..and at the same time my dad was sick and he couldn't change gears in our car...and I wanted to know how to drive so I could drive him...

the second one...I always wanted to study away from home....guess I did that...and nothing much...

So, now...What do I want in life...?

in a flash... MONEY...!! A PROMOTION!! MORE ASSETS !! all the worldly things...!!

but I think now if you ask me what I want in life...

I would answer you a Healthy Life...!! and especially this year...I want to do some community work...I want to do some volunteer work...I want to do something in life that is worth while....

Where is the Life....

I am stuck in a stupid meeting again where blaming the scape goat is the main agenda...!! and Guess you is the lucky scape goat..???

 

 I am really missing the life...!!

Life that is full of fantasies..!!

what's Life?

what's life?...

this morning I woke up thinking about circumstances....wrong moves... if I had done this and that?? if I didn't???

there are certain things that I wish I didn't do or I wish I completed....

I met a friend who was in my masters' class about 10 years ago....he almost completed his phd and we were talking about some friends who ended up lecturers with Phds... oh well look at me..!
that's the certain thing if it was different how would it have been?

imagining the song If God was one of us... there are many things that I really would like to ask God if I had a chance...I was thinking of a certain question ...what if you were praying for something to happen and another person is in the opposite of the same situation you're facing and praying hard too for that something to happen.., what would the answer be...? or who's side would God be..?i know it's something dumb to ask but really sometimes when you're in a situation you'll ask the same...oh well God never promise that this life would be fair to everybody...

my nephew was talking about Oscar's Oasis...we watch this everymorning before he goes to school....

this was from a 7 years old perspective...he told me...life is hard for Oscar....life is cruel towards Oscar...life is treating Oscar badly....I just wanted to weep...how can a little boy watching this cartoon can say that?... I asked him why was he saying that...? he said everybody is being cruel to him...and he never gets what he wants...tsk tsk tsk.....

I told him. that's life...that's what life is all about.....not everything goes well...

I pray that he would understand the journey of life and life would be kind to him.....

since the last post life has not been an easy journey...feeling that I was walking or even running a lonely journey...( maybe it's just my fault I chose to lay low..and be quite..)

It's November already...!

for the past September and October life was on a fast pace...and sometimes breathing seem to be hard....have been juggling busy work life with family life...been flying back and forth too...physically tired too...I can see my hair growing white...

I was having one of the worst day in my life and this had to happen

now I know what it means when people say they heart drop....
my heart fell....and it actually broke... but oh well...things happen...when this happen to me my mind went crazy but I thought to myself..oh well this thing can be repaired... what if something happen beyond repair...like...what if someone dear to me died??? how would I repair it...??how would I react?
Sigh..LIFE...

speechless...


before I realize it it's already NOVEMBER...!! and I am still praying for life to be kind to me....and you know what...I am officially a land lady this month....yeah I rented the apartment out...not an easy thing to do...it broke my heart too...but well...there are things that we need to decide even if it's a hard decision.....so God help me!!!

still wishing to find time to travel...to forget about work ( which is killing me slowly)  the bestie is somewhere in Beijing having fun and going to the Philippines again next month ..but I am glad she's having fun....one of these days I am gonna find time to travel too....wait till I can breath financially and physically.....

Well everyone...have a great time of your lives...! even if the journey is a hard one....just carry on with faith and with strength....Live on...!!