Need a KitKat...

wishing life had a time off....a time off from everything...a switch that you can off...and you would have a time off from life...and life would be idle...while you lay down and look up at the blue sky...and everything would be OK...you don't have to think of anything...just rest and time would stop for a while...

...I know life must go on as usual...I just need a little break from everything...just for a little while...just for a moment...a moment to catch up my breath...a moment to even breath...

waiting....

i've been sitting here since 9am...it's a waiting game...praying Hard everthing will be OK....
these 2 weeks have been a rocky for the family we lost 3 people related to us...all of them left us in a sudden without warning...but all 3 had medical history...
Last nite we attend a wake of an uncle...He was young and had a son just 10 years old...
Just this morning I was thinking of IF something would happen to someone very dear...
just then otw to work today mom message me asking me if I was free today...you know something is up when ur parents ask u that...
and so now I am still here waiting...

Hati...

There are things that at the beginning we dislike to do...we dread to do it...but as time goes by it becomes a routine and you feel that it's something you are use to do...

The journey of life is full of uncertainty... sometimes you think you got things right...Moses thought he had the right road and in the end took 40 years...

I had a conversation recently with my niece I said let's pray and ask Jesus to help us....she answered...Jesus cannot help He is stuck on the cross at church...it struck me that sometimes we always say we believe God holds everything and we trust Him to give us strenght and show us the way...but why do we still doubt HIM...I am grateful for all the things in life...for all the ups and down...and I am glad for the journey of life with HIM...whom I trust and hope...and I am shock that sometime as we go through hard times in life we tend to bark at people...without knowing we shoot down people...i too now recently learned to just ignore a little people with sharp tongue...yes it hurts a little bit more in the heart...but we'll the wounds will heal...and we learn to move on...

Don't get me wrong...this is just a little rant of the heart...I am living in my prime now...having most of the best things in life... (life is not great) but...I am enjoying it...work life is a hassle...but I enjoy my new profound confidence level...family are a bliss and blessings...love being hugs and missed by the kids even if I step out to go to the market....money is short..but day by day i learn to count my blessings...everything when I reach a roadblock I just laugh it off and say well I have 2 property in my name...well..life has been well because maybe I choose to be well..I choose to do things no matter what people say...well being able to be a blessing is my forte...and makes me happy..not being able to do things for people means I am useless....slowly slowly the Lord unveils....

Tuhan, terima kasih kerana memberi peluang kedua dan ketiga. Tolong kami mengikuti jalan-Mu dan terus taat kepada-Mu.

Love the Outdoor...

Went to a kebun last Saturday with the family...I found a way do distress myself...by going to pick fruits in a fruit garden...despite the nyamuks and hot sun...I still had fun...

been having tones of stress at work with changing of bosses..and staffs..but had a great day distressing...

Selfless vs Selfish...

life is suppose to be selfless and humble...
but when you have been brought up to always be selfless and humble...you tend to live a life...or should I say atleast try to be selfless...
Being Selfless is something someone should work hard on...and sometimes it just end up naturally...and as seems like natural even without noticing it....

Suddenly to be asked by someone (really close) :why are you so selfless...or Too Selfless...

sometime can make person who is selfless to end up to be a selfish person (completely)...it is not known why....but maybe it's like a reflex...like you telling a person all his or her life from the beginning was wrong...

try telling a selfish person the samething...I think the result will be opposite cos a selfish person will never understand why they should change anyway....

so the next time you see someone close to you being so selfless until it may seem it is hurting them please don't discourage...just complement...cos they are already having a hard time without wanting to acknowledge it...it's atleast better to have 1 more selfless person in your life then to add another selfish person...and have a less person who selflessly was your devoted friend....

foodnote:Bila org mau tolong biar mereka tolong aja...sebab mana tau membantu org dia rasa diri dia dibantu...tp jgn pernah ambil kesempatan sebab si kawan itu pun akan ada masa dia letih...Dan akan berhenti...Dan kadangkala bila berhenti itu akan menyebabkan hidup dia hilang pedoman sebab dia sudah tidak tau tujuan hidup dia yg selama ini...Dan ya...Maka kamu hanya hilang sorg sahabat...tp sahabat kamu hilang HIDUP dia...

Nyawa

Pernahkah korang doa supaya Tuhan jangan cabutkan nyawa kau dulu...

today while driving home I felt pressure in the back of my head and felt it would pop...I prayed so hard that God won't take my life there and then...Was not feeling well since Sunday...so it's almost a week...Dr said it was a nasty throat infections...that's why I had fever and my BP was high...mom was panicked too because I almost never get bedridden...so now I am on antibiotics and some pills that makes me groggy most of the time...i finally when to work after 3 days of MC.. but was still high on medication!

baru tau sayang nyawa....baru tau sayang masa...baru tau sayang semua benda yang ada...baru tau sayang diri....

Questioning : If OnLY?? and Why??

Last saturday we were shock to hear the news of an aunty who passed away suddenly...!!and yes she was younger then my parents...
She's an aunty close to the heart since our childhood days....her daughter said there was no sign at all.... she was cooking lunch and then she collapse...and was pronounce dead 11.30pm....

when we heard the news we were exactly going out on a outing together with my parents friends from when they were young and serving together in the same ministry...all i could do was secretly wipe my tears our when we were talking about the aunty....i cannot imagine if it would happen to me....i think i would go hysterically or maybe insane....! but one thing my mom said was.." We should cherish the little time we have together..." we ended up spending the whole day lepaking with the aunties and uncles.....

All i could think of is God please..please give me more time and get me ready for things like these.....!!

I am also praying that i am able to live life to the fullest and have friends who will grow up together with me....we may have different preference or different responsibilities right now.... I pray that God give us time to be able to "lepak" with each other...

Dreaming of a break...

I woke up this morning feeling tired...exhausted....

maybe because i dream last night i was on a holiday with the normal group and family!! and was only awaken by my alarm... tskkk...it was only a dream...too good to be true...!!

But really my heart is missing the travelling days...

is missing the fellowships.....

cos these were the things that rejuvenated me when i was down and feeling stress....

looks like we have grown out of the seasons...we are all busy with life and have lots of responsibilities....

it will be great to take time off and go for an adventure somewhere.... but it seems that it will be in a dream that everything is possible...

#stilltakingtimetoprayforeveryone!! #livingthewaysofourlives!

  

When HE reveals bit by bit...

Now I am slowly seeing the shadows of HIS plans in my life...but I still don't understand it...

#somethingtoponder

LETIH...

Ada masa rasa letih sampai rasa satu badan sakit...sampai rasa kepala kena sengat lebah...
Ada masa rasa mcm mau give up smua benda dan buat don't care...
Ada masa rasa knp smua benda tak pernah nak ok...
Ada masa rasa hidup ini sangat susah...
Ada masa rasa hati ini sangat sunyi..

Tapi rasa masa2 macam ni lah paling sesuai ingat balik Tuhan kan...

#bilakawansudahtidaksepertikawan

what ever happens... we just have to work!

without work there is no money.....

without money...life is hard!...

SO JUST DO WORK....!!

When we die...

Birth is always a thing to be joyous and be happy...

Death...

Should also be a joyous thing because it's going home to where we belong ..to our Father's house...

but it is us that are left behind that have trouble letting go...

From dust we come...to dust we go....

Dear Tepu....
I wished that you had waited for me...
I am sorry it took me thousands of reason not to see you sooner...I hesitated...I thought too much....I counted in my head a hundred time on how much it would cost to fly to see you...and I finally decided to fly to see you ...I am too late....

I told myself that I gave bid my last farewell to you when I shook ur hand in pa umor...I told myself I was sorry if anything happened to you I won't be flying back...but I said it in my heart and didn't tell you...last Sunday I finally decided...I finally didn't care about everthing buy now it's too late..I prayed everyday that you would get better...until this evening when I knew you were suffering I prayed that God take ur suffering away...and just take you home to Him...and now you are with Him..and I know the trumpets of heaven is playing to welcome you home...you have run a good race and you have reach the finished line...Victory is yours Tepu...I bid you farewell...Rest now...For your pain is gone...

#blameitontimingandstupidmindbutalliswell
*pic was his hand holding Tepu decurs hand...till death part them...

It's the year 2016...

it's a new year... and i am just greatful that everyone is healthy and well and alive....


2015 was a tough year to ride...but it ended well...2015 i had to make most of the difficult decisions in life...but am grateful that i made those decisions...and 2016 is the year i sow because of those decisions made...may it be more debt..more things to pay..but i think the year 2016 will be the year i place my utmost hope in Him...i don't know how i will go through the year...but i know if i trust in Him..and hold tight on Him i will be able....

i just came back from Bario after 10 days there...and that 10 days once again really made me remember how i must be faithfull and really trust Him no matter what...I learned that once again i will have to learn to trust Him in everything i do... And how simple our faith is..how thin i mean...there was one day when i really hope God would not make the day rain...and it rained hard...i really sat down and just cried!!!i had not cried like that for so long...we had an important Day that day...and we prayed for good weather...but it rained as hard it could get...and of all the day that day we didn't have water in Pa umor...i had to take my shower in the rain....(i think the reason it rained cos we had to shower)... and that night too was the first time after so long i walked home to Pa ukat at night... I had 1000 things to complain about..but i realized that i just had to trust Him..and just be well...

I carried a few "buan" of padi everyday from the padi field to the house...and made me realise how much sacrifices my grandparents and parents had done..to put food on our table to eat...how hard it was for them...how heavy loads they carry...i didn't need to do that... but i was the youngest among them in the field...i couldn't just let my aunty who was 70 years all carry the loads...i carried till my back couldn't stand.. but i had no right to complain...but i thank God i didn't hurt my back...i realised that life wasn't as hard if you really try and just preserver...

So this 2016

I think i am gonna be more laid back...more relax...and enjoy more...this year one of my gold is to renovate the Miri House..finally got to called it my House!! or rather Home...i am gonna spend more time flying back to miri more often this year...spend more time with the old folks...everyone is getting older...so i just wanna spend more time while we have time left...

i am gonna pay less attention to work this year..i have done enough...i will just do whatever need and nothing more...

HOPE EVERYBODY HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD... LET"S DO MORE TRUSTING AND MORE HOPE IN HIM...!!