People who are blunt... i don't despise or hate you....! But....

I sometimes really cannot..just cannot stand people who are really blunt...!!...not saying naive or ignorant...but just plain blunt...i have no idea why i am friends or rather acquaintance with people like that...

you say what you want without thinking of peoples feeling....saying things out of the blues which hurt the heart...

but sometimes i hate myself for tolerating with people like that....

and bare in mine it's not naive or ignorance it's just stupid and idiotic...

Note of the Heart : Suka hati aku nak cakap apa..ini perasaan aku...!!

Tired...not of life...but of what life gives you...

Guess it's a normal thing to feel tired at times...whether it's physical...or mentally...i try not to complain too much about this life...but just to say that sometimes life challenges just really makes ones tired...i think it must come with age too...now i just complain less..and even stop complaining to anyone...and it makes me realize that all this while when i communicate it is based on complain...when i complain less...i tend to speak less...and i realize that it ends up that i have nothing to say to anybody...and it is like living in a cocoon...

and i realize that i have less topic to talk to anyone else...even to friends who are very close...and it causes a further gap between us....

i will say that at times i feel that i am helpless...and when i need to help someone or do something for someone it makes me extra tired...but i realize that sometimes it is ok to just let go...but it is different when you want to help and to when people expect you to do...when you are shouldering heavy responsibility you realize that you need to be extra strong .. I learn that from little things you do,..leads to bigger things..so how can you  survive doing bigger things if smaller things you can't do..? so i realize that it is the smaller things that make you stronger...! makes you ready for everything...

i am struggling to write this because i kinda think that if in malay it sounds better....jika perkara kecil kau tak leh buat...macam mana nak buat benda besar?

so i now know why in "younger" days why God brought me to be faithful doing little things...little things like Driving people around...doing little petty stuffs...waiting for people...meeting people...giving little things....making people more important than life then...!

Now i realize that after all that....now...is the real thingy...when you are given responsibility of life...of doing things bigger..more important....after all that it makes me strong now.. and i am able to preservere  without the help of anyone....

i am just tired..and need refueling...and just need some rest...and no one will understand until ones have gone through the road...

Note from the heart : Life is never easy...Life is never too heart to take your life...!! so just preservere. 

the people you know..

this few days..i come to realize it's important to have connections....who you know is more important that what you know....

been going through a extended family problem....to me it's just another episode to learn more things....but it's like an episode from a long winding drama..all i am telling you is..it involve illegals...runaway...immigration and higher authorities...(you know it's a deep shit case if all of this combine together)....

but oh well when people tell me not to care....can i not care?? when it involves family....?when your old folks ask you to settle it??? can i not care? but anyway...i tried my best and now the ball is not in my court so ...i am quite relieve....i have not been able to concentrate on  work and spend so much time on looking for solutions....

but i come to realize no wonder i am miss know it all...because i have to go through stuffs that people can not imagine happening..!! oh well this experience got me to know more people....and you cannot imagine that how people ...strangers..are willing to help you ...sometimes they go overboard to help you more then people that are close to you....

nota kaki : so selagi ada hayat...selagi tu lah tolong org...sebab kau mungkin takkan tau bila2 ko pulak perlu pertolongan....org kata saya terlampau..tp org itu tak tau saya begini sebab saya tau perasaan bila kekurangan....aku yg tolong knp ko yg terasa?

Bila hati bertanya kepada Tuhan....Kenapa?

Bila kah kehidupan ini boleh senang...? bertubi tubi benda2 yg berlaku..tanggungjawab yg perlu dipikul...kalau hal sendiri boleh juga bertahan....tp ni hal keluarga dan extended family...aku sendiri pun bertanya knp perlu aku yg pening??? tp spt biasa hidup ini bukan milik seorang...tp hidup ini berfamily....org lain yg buat kita yg pening mo pikir....!! senang2 kau buat...lepas tu aku yg pening...damn...

oleh itu hati ini bertanya...sampai bila lah boleh bertahan...

dan hati ini juga menjawab... Tuhan tidak akan mencuba kita lebih daripada kemampuan dan daya seseorang...dan hati ini berharap itu benar,...

nota kaki: hidup ini sudah cukup celaru dgn hal sendiri dan hal org dalam kehidupan sendiri...yg membuat lagi sukar...bila org sekitar kita tidak memahami knp kita perlu pikul tanggungjawab tersebut....kalau ko tanya aku...sama juga aku tengah bertanya kepada diri sendiri...jadi jgn lah ko tanya soalan itu supaya beban yg aku tanggung sedia ada sudah cukup berat dapat ringan sikit....

sometimes you just have to sacrifice all the fun....

When you have to choose between reality and fantasy...you realise that you have to pass having fun cos there are more things that needs to be priorities..

Nota kaki : aku berbohong jika aku cakap aku tidak jeles org lain mampu have fun...tp aku tau bahagian fun mungkin dalam bentuk lain