A Run away Trip

I really am lagging on my writing here....there were times i wanted to write but just couldn't find time to just sit down and start typing....

Recently i went back to my kampung....

it was an impromptu trip...just felt like i had to get away or find time to go back "home"... i am confused on where i call home.... but this place really give a different feel of life....

and this was the first time ever i flew by myself ....usually there is always someone i know flying back with me....was pretty nervous ..feeling like a child travelling alone...
it had been 3 years since i flew back there...

   lot's of things has change...they had a new plane...it's more solid then the old ones...

City kid with village kids

My father the story teller...

This time i made sure that i walk

It's always been a relief to be home here....i find tranquility and solitude....i don't know when i will be back again but someday i will be back again....

What you think is best may not be the same as others....

was visiting a long known friend in the hospital last nite...on the way to the hospital we were thinking what to buy for the sick friend...FRUITs...what fruit is suitable...what fruit is not high in sugar....as the friend was admitted because of high  BP....after browsing the fruits for sale...we finally decided...plums....not too high in sugar...

so we went to the hospital....when we arrived there...the friend was eating pizza and KFC fried Chicken...!!! hmmp...some other friends bought it and brought it to the hospital....

so moral of the story....sometimes we crack out head and thinks thats the best decision after analysing situations...but in reality it's just a personal choice....

some people would tell be why do you care? and truthfully i tell you i just don't know too....i use to think out of the box that when you care and love someone and extra effort goes a long way...or sometimes the effort becomes a routine...and it becomes something that is just...yeah...something that is just the way you do things....

this few weeks i have been bothered by the feeling of people in my circle are starting to be annoyed of me....(blame it on hormons maybe..)people that i use to be in touch with seems to be out of the picture of life...a simple sms or whatsapp might turn into a disagreement...and i am feeling that some people are ignoring me too....(maybe i am just paranoid)..there are days when i don't understand or have a clue a simple hi...is return with a cold reply...normally i would be some one who will not give up and will keep on "irritate" people with my over friendly conversation...but this bug have been hitting be and i too became cold...

i use to have this principe try for 3 or more times...if any person don't give the reply that is suppose to be... but now i stop at second time and just give up...and to make things worst...tell my heart never again will i get in touch...! so vain...!!

maybe it's just a phase where everyone needs their space...and i am just paranoid..or maybe hormons are making my mind corrupted...

recently my back started hurting again..like before...and my mind start thinking..what's the problem...is it something else..? is it something internal that was not detected...? oh well...anyway, it makes me pray more often now a days...hoping for the best...

Future Doc in da house.....

This little girl is full of surprises..... 

was shock to see that she put the stethoscope around her neck.....

Drowning....

I feel like i am drowning.....

But it's great that one can feel that your drowning...that means you are still much alive....!

Seasonal Feelings....

Sometimes there is a feeling that you're just no longer compatible with people you are close with...the connections of networking differs...the little things that you used to laugh at with each other seems to be something that irritates you....a simple question would turn out to be a thing that will lead to a big dispute....
priorities seems to be different....you get agitated to the little gesture ..the short delays...

But this might be a seasonal feeling....a feeling that is temporary....along the way in life no doubt people change... we aged....we are mentally drained...physically tired....but no doubt there are some people who really make a mark in your life that you just can't shrug off...it's like a tattoo on your body...you need a laser operation to get rid of it...

So Dear Friends...as time goes by..and long conversation turn to short notes and to long silence and awkward moments...it doesn't mean i think less of you...things are just clouding my mind and things are just getting tougher then usual....hope everything goes well and keep up the great job surviving this life....!!

Counting my little blessings each day in my life....

This morning i found this on my desk....sorry my reflex was too fast....immidietly i took one big bite.....red velvet with cream cheese.....it was yummy....!! (i didn't have time to have my breakfast today!!)

 I took my lemon infused water to me to work again...getting on the heavy side...!!this is the reason why i try to skip meals.....(Blessings of having money to buy lemons for my everyday needs)

 

this little adorable rascal is getting mischievous day by day.... but the loads of cuteness makes you think twice about scolding her......(Blessings for having someone to melt your heart after a hard days of work everyday)

For the many things that i think of complaining.... there are many little things that i think that makes my life worth counting blessings that are abundant....

Autumn in my heart....

a phenomenon has been happening around our place since the droughts .... flower on trees has been blooming extensively..... this is how it looks like everyday in front of our house lately....

Can't resist bringing these cuties for walks/rides early in the morning.....

these two are the reason i am always late to work everymorning......

An Episode....Trauma Room

We had an episode yesterday...

Dad has not been feeling well since 2 weeks ago...even before he balik kampung he complaint that he was dizzy....but we just brush it off...

as he balik kampung, we didn't know that he was not feeling well the whole of his trip and he said he didn't eat anything at all...until he came back...that was 10 days...the nite he came back we notice he was not well... we decided to send him for check up the next day as he was "yellow". His skin was showing yellow and then his eyes were blood shot...

the Dr said was simply a case of suspected denggi or either dehydrated... after a week he wen to check again the same diagnose given..but he was still week and didn't want to eat....knowing my dad...you will know he is very sick when he refuse to eat....

I was contemplating of having a second opinion from a private hospital for a week i was thinking of it...but because of financial circumstances i decided to put it on hold...

then yesterday came...

i seldom sms my mom asking how my dad was...but i did ...then she said he was feeling numb at the hands....that kept me worried...as i check all the symptom i decided to search online....and it sounded like a minor stroke...and when i describe to friends at work they all said the same thing....so i decided darn it..just send before it's too late...or before i will regret the rest of my life...so i called asking him to get ready....

my journey home was the hardest thing ...and the longest ride i was still having second thoughts when it comes to money....(yeap i know....i am hopeless)... i prayed so hard for a sign....a sign that i didn't need to send him ....I was telling God this better be the best decision i have ever made.....

So decided to send him to KPJ.. it was our first time.....when we asked around they send us to the emergency  and immediately said they wanted to monitor the heart... 

 We were told that they need to scan him....so i agreed and ask to check everything...

Poor thing.....i could sense that he was so tense....and was worried...so i just kept quite....he ask me how much would it cost...i say don't care just as long as we know what happen.....

 this was what he was injected until now i don't know wth was it...but oh well....

well we had an episode in the hospital...we waited so so so so long...to me it was too long for a private hospital to be treated.....after the scanning and everything we waited for 3 hours.......!!! for the Dr to come...the nurses told me that they only had 1 Dr....hmm..pfffttt!!!


 as i was waiting..and waiting....and waiting...

 the emergency department was actually not that full to be waiting so long........

 i saw a beautiful sunset.....and my heart just melted away...This was waiting  in the emergency department...thoughts of being in a worst  family emergency played through my mine....i was thinking...how will cope...how will i feel...how will i face stuffs like that....(sendiri main dengan feeling sendiri...BODOH...) i didn't know who to tell...what to tell...!so i just kept my silence....

 I was standing the whole time next to this bed....wanted to just climb in and sleep on it.......

after hours of waiting we finally was consulted by a Dr...!!

 I really didn't like his style of talking... he was quite rude..... first saying that dad's white blood cell had increase....then after we were on the way to the pharmacy....to be called back saying that he was given a wrong result?????what the heckk!! for a well known PRIVATE HOSPITAL....!!!!

this was the result... it was Dengue!!!
I don't know whether i should be happy or to just cry....!!! all the trouble just to be told it was denggi...i could have just paid RM1 for the whole denggi test.... but instead i had to pay a whole RM1.5k just to be told that....
I will be lodging a formal complain apart from the ones that i had written at their suggestion box and online review...!!it's not the matter of just payment...but to get such a lousy service is unacceptable......
hmppp.. Jane Jane...why are you sooooo hopeless...............!! atleast we now know that it was not his heart!!.....i have not been so angry and sad at the same time for so longgggggggggggg....and now i still don't know whether i did a wrong move....!!

but what made my heart melt was this group of people..they were praying for an uncle openly at the waiting room ...oh how i wish i would have the courage to do that in front of so many people around....it is nice to have a support group that you know that you can count on even so as to say a little prayer with you.....

so the morale of the story...which i don't know...!! but thank GOD that everything was fine....

Cheers to Pa....and for many more years to come...!!

FUDNOTE: Paying hundreds for food and clothes...what is RM1.5k for a check up!! (gulp...)

I Am Still Alive

I have been writing stuffs on my blog without posting it....everytime i start typing i will be interrupted and i didn't finish the post....or sometimes after typing i feel that it's kinda personal so i didn't post it...i kinda miss life writing here...cos it keeps me alive!! it keep the memories alive too...everytime i need some boost i will rekindle things i have done and gone through....

from the beginning of the year life has been like juggling on a thin wire trying to get through each day at a time...and the race of the marathon of life since endless...running aimlessly constantly thinking "What the heck am i doing this???" ( the same feeling when running a real marathon- i get the feeling why the heck am i doing this??)

i guest some things change...perceptions changed....priorities changed too...motive of life changed too....

Juggling with work and family life and a little of social life...it seems that time just gone by like a dash of lightning....sometimes i am just lost in my own zone not realizing that everyday goes by fast..really fast....(sometimes i wish i have superpowers to just stop time...or just make it slower so i can think!!)

work is ...
work is still work....it keeps the fuel in the car running....it keeps food in my tummy...and it buys me clothes on my back! so why should i be complaining...but it really take the life out of me...i recently didn't get the promotion that i so desired!! but anyway it was given to 2 of the people i consider as friends...so it's fine...
i dealt the the rejection letter but i couldn't stand the pityness that people around me gave...! that was the hardest to deal with....it made me sad...people at my work place asking me are you ok?? Are you ok with the result?? ( I WAS ACTUALLY FINE BEFORE YOU ASKED!!!)...so now everyday at work i keep telling myself...i am happy with where i am or i should be !! My time will come..or if it doesn't it's ok...it's fine...i realize how important of having a quality time rather then stuck at the desk...as you may know now..people at work are just too dependent on me ( i don't know why???) this makes me feel sick !!!
but anyway..everything is gonna be fine!

my mind change when i saw this, https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151613160996984 this morning...i should remember everytime i complain about getting thru a hard day....

oh well it's just great to be alive...i read about clarity here... http://forteebello.com/2014/03/14/the-day-i-stopped-asking-god-for-clarity/ and it simply gave me a different dimention of clarity...i often ask God why ...why and is still asking why.... sometimes i realize that when things are though and you are stuck with your religion ....it tends to make you either fall in a pit or make you stronger....!

i am planning in my head a great holiday..and adventure...where i don't need to worry about stuffs...and don't need to worry about people too...i really wanna a break...cos i am tired!! i think i really need it...


Fudnote: Life is Fine....as long as you want it to be fine!

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed...

...you know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed when you hear birds chirping outside your window and all you can think of is ....SHUT UPPPPPPPP..........!!!!

fudformind: Need to relax...